If deemed possible, I would love for this to reach front page for new members 🙏
This shouldn't have to be said, but I do believe some clarification needs to be stated about FDS and why some people confuse us as a "hate site." They compare us to Redpill, which is utterly nanners. Redpill teaches men to manipulate/abuse for personal gain. FDS teaches women to be choosy and leave at the first sign of disrespect or red flag. At FDS, we never advocate for molding or influencing men, just protecting ourselves.
Let's break it down. When people write posts here such as "all have have is the audacity," they are referring to SPECIFIC MEN DISPLAYING CERTAIN BEHAVIORS. Yes that's right, not all men. But it is important to identify these behaviors and attitudes women are taught to endure.
What does this mean? This means if you are a male lurker, and see a post saying "men do this," it does not mean it applies to you. Saying "this is a trend of behavior in many but not all men" is a lot of words, but that is the message of FDS. Otherwise i would not be a member. If you do not do the thing mentioned in an article, it is not an issue for you. However, it would be helpful if men can call out other men who engage in such behaviors.
Men who criticize us actually are shooting themselves in the foot. Why? Because listing a collection of unhealthy, abusive behaviors and deeming them inherently "male" IS hateful toward men. At the worst, it is propaganda encouraging men and women to distrust each other or tolerate crappy relationships in order to overlook larger societal issues. Further, destructive, abusive, entitled behaviors in a person can cause character damage, relationship issues, and isolation. If women endured and enabled these behaviors in these men who exhibit them, we are not helping them grow and develop as people. Such behaviors cause rot and stagnation.
What does this mean? It is not inherently male, "testosterone," "XY," or whatever to engage in the following behaviors: strangling during sex, verbal abuse, rape, emotional abuse, physical abuse, relational abuse, porn/trafficking consumption, expecting a mom/maid/prostitute girlfriend, pedophilia, lying/manipulation, bumbling (e.g. husband being irresponsible on sitcoms stereotype), lack of hygiene, lack of assertiveness, and abandoning responsibilities for video games/internet.
Thus, if anybody ever said the above things about "all men," as many libfem and manosphere spaces do, that is what manhating is. At FDS, we know men can behave better. Many men would see the above behaviors and feel horrified at anyone, male or female, declaring any of the above behaviors to be "well, that's just men! Shrug!"
If FDS actually hated men, we would not be willing to put ourselves out there and date men. We would not believe decent men existed period. We would not be listing positive male role models in our lives and saying "wow, I would really like a husband who behaves like that." We would not enjoy content from men like Lundy Bancroft, who prove men can be decent, assertive, caring individuals with a strong character by standing up to harmful social narratives.
So, is it possible some may confuse us as saying all men, or something discriminatory? Sure. But please take note we are not, I repeat not, painting all men with the same brush. I believe it is unfair and actually hateful when people of a group are painted with the same brush, such as women in Redpill.
I don't want to date anyone who has to be taught to be a decent human being. And I don't want anyone to feel the same way about me. It is our own responsibility to engage in self-improvement as well, and our right to only date who we want to date.