So, this is based on a reddit post I read ages ago that really shocked me at the time and I would love to hear your opinions:
In the post the OP asked something like the following question:
If your friend tells you something in confidence (later specified as something private, embarrassing, traumatic etc. you can reasonably assume they wouldn’t want strangers to know, but nothing that e.g., endangers you, them or other people. OP used the example of telling you about a past sexual assault or childhood abuse they experienced), is it okay to tell your boyfriend/partner?
I was honestly shocked by the answers because the absolute majority of them were variations of “Yes, of course!” “I share everything with my partner and we have no secrets” “If she didn’t want my partner to know she shouldn’t have told me!” “I like to discuss things with my partner and get his opinion” "In confidence just means not telling strangers and random people but doesn't apply to partners" and negative answers were downvoted to oblivion.
This was completely unfathomable to me because I expected the answers to be what I would say: A firm “absolutely not”, unless the secret puts me, them or someone else in immediate danger or is something so morally despicable (like admitting to planning a heinous crime), I couldn’t live with it. And even then, I wouldn’t tell my partner, I would tell the respective authorities. Whatever my friend told me, it is not my secret to share, with anyone, ever. Sharing it would be a huge breach of trust.
Reading the answers honestly scared me because I couldn’t help but wonder how many of my friends had forwarded what I told them in confidence to their partners (and exes, and the guys before that…). Men I barely knew and know. Men who I would never have shared that secret with myself. Men who might even tell it to their friends, who will tell it to their friends and so on. Just because I naively assumed that telling a close friend something in confidence also meant that they would not share it with their current partner. How can you trust even other women after reading that?
What do you think? Would you share things like that with a partner? Do you expect your friends to share things you told them? Any experience with situations like that?