Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve come on here, and honestly I’m ashamed to be making this post.
I took a long break from dating, and then decided to get into it again last summer. I met a guy on Hinge, and things were going good. I never entertained moving fast or getting physical, I made sure he was putting enough effort into dates, and we saw each other weekly for about a month. We did various things, ate out, went to parks, went to cinemas and canals.
I could tell that he wanted to escalate things physically, and to me, it seems like we were on the brink of taking things to the next step. However, I could sense that he was getting more distant. He wasn’t texting as much, and he wasn’t planning as much. I was doing that now.
I felt like I ultimately gave in to having sex. Maybe I felt like I wanted to recapture his interest. Maybe I felt it was ending anyway. Either way, it was a massive mistake.
We had sex, and he was respectful to me afterwards. We went on a long walk and had a deep, personal conversation on both sides. I went home and he texted me first to continue a conversation. I realised that I left something at his, and asked if he could send it to me (he lives about an hour away). He told me he would bring it to me.
I don’t want to miss context here, so about a week passes and his communication is really distant. I kind of lost composure and said something along the lines of thanks for using me. I know I never should’ve said it, for my sake.
He now ghosts me for about 2/3 weeks. He then sends me a paragraph apologizing, saying he’s been overwhelmed with his own life, and saying he ran away from our connection rather than confront his fears to me.
I forgave him, and apologised for what I said. He never responded. I messaged him a few more times, also asking for what I left at his back, and absolutely nothing. Around a week later, I notice he signs me out of his streaming account. This was now in October, so it’s been a few months. I also last reached out in October.
Since this has happened, I honestly hate myself. I feel used and worthless, and I feel as though my confidence has taken a nosedive. I can’t believe that I sabotaged myself like that, and I honestly feel pretty depressed.
I’m trying to move on, but I keep remembering what happened, and it brings me down and affects my self esteem.
I wish I could have taken any dignity from the situation, but it feels like I lost all of it.
I feel constantly paranoid about every man around me, and I feel like I’ve completely convulsed away from anything that could hint at sexual.
Start dehumanizing men like they do to us. Don't view them as humans with emotions and desires and autonomy. They're real purpose in life is to serve their woman.
You used him out of loneliness and he knew he wouldn't be able to serve you anymore, so he phased himself out before you could beat him to it. He already confessed he can't even handle his own life, so he's too weak to keep up with your needs.
Leave him and his memory where you found him and onto the next one.