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I broke up with my boyfriend today because of several reasons. I feel a sense of relief but also sadness and disappointment.
He doesn’t have a stable career and doesn’t know what he wants to do. He told me that he had a degree, but then he told me he didn’t. He said he wants to try out all these different courses and different career paths yet he didn’t do anything about it the past few months.
He was let go from his last job he was in for 4 months because he wanted to „progress“ and „move up the career ladder“ but you can’t demand it in a new position??!
He commented on my spending habits, for example telling me I could use the money differently than going to a language school.
He didn’t respect my need for alone time.
I would always spend my evenings talking to him for hours and hours, messing up my sleep schedule.
In this time I could’ve developed my skill set because I would like to look for another job this year.
When I think about my future, I didn’t see him in it. I wouldn’t want to compromise because I know he wouldn’t do the same for me.
He would stress me out and my eczema worsened because of it. Literally my body said he was not the one for me.
He made up stories and lied about stupid things. Some stories were clearly made up and some were inconsistent.
When we were in a conflict, where it was mostly him bringing up things I should do differently, I told him that I needed time to process the situation and that I would talk to him the next day to resolve it. But he wouldn’t understand it and he would keep calling me until I picked up.
He asked me if I was considering dyeing my hair blonde which came out of nowhere. It did annoy me because to me it felt like the way I looked like wasn’t good enough?
And today was my last straw when I went through his tiktok account (his insta is private and I don’t have an account) and I saw he was following women from the country he lives in (who don’t live far away from him) and some of them even followed him back. This made me feel icky and disrespected.
So I broke up via text because I know he would manipulate me if he called me on the phone or on FaceTime.
How do I get over this situation? I feel so heartbroken because I clearly got taken advantage of. I feel so dumb that I didn’t end this sooner.
He sounds like a manbaby. Your body literally had a reaction because of him. Focus on letting go of the anger and progressing towards the type of life you want. You got this
👑👑👑 There it is! I remember you posting about him. Way to go! You can breathe easy, now! Annnnd, once you heal up, you will have the space for someone who will treat you like absolute gold.
Don't wait next time. He deserved to be dumped the second he started questioning how you spend your money. Red flags like that mean we get gone and move fast. Keep practicing getting faster and faster about getting rid of them when bad signs show.
Always pay very close attention to your body's reaction to a man. Sometimes the things they are causing for you will give you longterm or life long effects that you won't be able to get rid of. It's not something to ignore or take lightly.
I remember your earlier post thinking something is off and these details paint a complete and scary picture that makes sense for someone who doesn’t understand taking language classes and/or doesn’t like you advancing your education, development and social circle. Good riddance!
You might not see it clearly now but you did the right thing choosing yourself, your future and your health. He is a lying, chaotic bum and every anecdote sounds terrible enough on its own. Don’t feel stupid for having endured him, rather be proud for ending it now rather than later. It is an important and strong step that you can refer to during your next encounter to remember that you do have self confidence and you do know how to survive a breakup.
“He asked me if I was considering dyeing my hair blonde which came out of nowhere.” out of all the things, this outraged me particularly. Who does he think he is? An embarrassing low level man child making demands, from what I can tell probably not the most handsome gentleman himself. I just know your hair is beautiful and it takes a man with confidence and taste to admit that.
I once was with someone who made similar remarks, insinuating I shave my hair and talking about how university degrees are useless. I know now he was threatened by my beauty and my ambition and would have enjoyed me to ‘step down’ a bit. Those are insecure and mean men who wouldn’t even utilise their sense of shortcoming as motivation to support you and be proud of their partner, but will eventually darken and pull you down with them and their chaos. You deserve someone who invests in your plans and makes your days easier.
What helps me after heart break is to get with women friends and talk, laugh and cry it out, distract myself with anything, deep clean my place, make a list of all the icks he gave me (will come in handy when melancholy strucks later) and get something new, whether that be clothing, decoration, a hobby or a habit.
You seem like an ambitious and sensible woman and I believe you will find back to yourself in no time. ❤️🩹