.png)
Over two years ago, I broke up with someone I was with for almost 8 years. During those 8 years, I was emotionally cheated on, gaslight, negging, manipulated, given the silent treatment, etc. After I ended the relationship, I felt some sort of relief but did not feel like myself and therefore....I got out of control. I started sleeping with guys because I was seeking the validation I didn't get in my relationship. I just wanted to be held. A couple months passed and I find out my ex entered a new relationship, he was doing everything I begged for, telling her he loved her the moment they became official (They didn't even know each other for at least a year) then he introduced her to the family and vice versa, there were constant pictures of them that she would post frequently on her social (Her page is public) & they seemed so happy. My depression sky-rocketed at that point and thats when I decided to quit social media to go on my healing journey.
I graduated, got a job, then got promoted to a new job, got accepted into a master program, became financially stable, found friends who love me and so much more. As the days, weeks, months passed...I find out through a mutual friend that my ex is now single and only lasted a year with the girl he started dating months after our breakup. And of course...I got noisy. I went on one of her socials and on her main, all of the pictures that they were in together were deleted. Then I went to another one of her socials, and the pictures of them were still there and I started seeing everything I didn't look at since I left social media. Throughout the time they were together, had constant sleepovers, they traveled, went to each other family parties and my self esteem dropped. I felt horrible because everything I wanted to do with him, he gave it to her. It made me feel less than her, it made me feel like his family preferred her over me, she was the more fun and young one, etc. Because I was already feeling like shit, I looked at her other platforms and saw how she liked a couple comments such as "Just because it wasn't a big deal to you, does not mean my feelings are invalid" "I like romantic men, ya'll can keep the boring ones" "lack of communication can ruin a good thing" etc..and I remember dealing with those exact issues with him.
Her keeping the pictures on her other platform and how happy they seemed were what hit me the most...I don't know why. But in that very moment, all I felt was like he never truly cared about me and I was the problem.
Girl, why do you care about what your ex is doing? Block him everywhere and don’t look back. Focus on celebrating your accomplishments and becoming a truer version of yourself.
It’s very likely that he was giving his new girlfriend what you wanted and not what she wanted, men like that will never appreciate what they have.
Nothing is permanent, not even their "perfect" relationship. She probably dumped him, because his mask eventually slipped, as it always does.
I just want to validate that I know how painful that must feel and that it is normal to think “why them not me?” But know that ultimately this is what your ex partner probably wanted you to believe. Some narcissists will deliberately give what you asked for to others and flaunt it. I’ve seen it far too many times from victims. This is a method of triangulation — it’s actually quite common because they know their new supply will show off on social media especially romantic things. They don’t even have to do the dirty work. It’s a way to gaslight you into believing you were the problem, not them — while love bombing their new partner. Killing two birds with one stone basically. If he was cheating on you and negging you, and giving you the silent treatment — he was never going to be a healthy partner to anyone. Their behavior says it all. The ending of their relationship speaks volumes — their true character does not change. You deserve to celebrate your victories. ❤️ You are free of him — you have won.
It must be horrible to witness him do that in his next relationship, but he for sure treated her the same in the end. He used the things you said to get her hooked. Men aren't stupid, they know what women want, what they like to hear, how to manipulate our emotions. However even if they know, they are not kind and loving enough to do those things, and those types of men are very self serving. Dont be envious of her or think she was more worthy, to him she likely wasnt, he just knew how to behave better at the beginning and ensure she would not leave. Which he obviously failed at. If she liked posts about feelings being invaliaded, this shows he did eventually give her the same treatment he did for you. Toxic men do a nice guy act at the start but they struggle to keep it up and naturally want to push a womans boundaries as much as they can.
And listen, if he didn't care about you then you don't want to be with someone like that anyway.
You said at the beginning of the post that he gaslit you, negged and gave silent treatment. He sounds like an emotional abuser, and this is never your fault. You weren't the problem. He is a mean and manipulative man.
It may help to reach out to her if you can make it sound not stalky - I am very certain she had a similar experience to you even if he seemed to go the extra mile with her - this was only to make her "hooked" and prevent her from leaving.
Did you read your own post? Do you understand where you are now? Sister, you’re amazing! You graduated, got a job, have your masters!! Yet, you’re letting your ex suck all these positive energies that you have! Don’t let it happen again!
Why do you care if some scrote you used to know has forgotten you? That can only be a good thing. He had this perfect relationship with the new girlfriend but they aren't together, right? So obviously it wasn't perfect at all. Stalking your exes' social media accounts is a great way to keep yourself miserable and bogged down by a relationship that didn't work for you. Stop it with the pity parties for yourself and vow to never look him up again--seriously, not even once. Nor his family, friends, ex- or new girlfriends, etc. Stop it! You are making yourself miserable for no reason whatsoever.
You said your life is much more fulfilling and great now, so focus on that. There's a saying that "Comparison is the thief of joy". You're stealing your own happiness by comparing yourself to some girl who isn't even with him anymore. Why? Therapy might be a good idea IMO. But this is not a healthy thing to do.
I have no reason to look up my exes. I’m sure they’re still scroting away. I also don’t want to upset myself to see if they have new gfs they could be mistreating. I like imagining them all alone forever.
I'm new here so this thread just came up in my sidebar, but thought I would support you as I know that toxic relationships are hard to break off but even harder to fully break away from in our minds; that is what manipulative men bring to the table and it continues to work it's dark magic long after we have shown them the door. BUT... I was blown away by this:
"I graduated, got a job, then got promoted to a new job, got accepted into a master program, became financially stable, found friends who love me and so much more." Look at how you flew without his negative energy holding you down. He's busy holding someone else back right now, and she will eventually show up here or in social media crying out for help. You've made great, impressive and strong strides in your life. I hope you have taken a moment to be proud of yourself. You absolutely rock, you've got this.
I’ve read this before. Is it a re-post?