Hello Queens:
I’m open to any and all input. We haven’t met yet. We now talk daily, and video chat several times over about 2 months. He wants to fly to my state to meet me. He’s one state away.
Plusses:
He asked what one of my favorite books is during the first conversation. A few days later he sent me a pic of him holding the 400 page, $22 book. He had ordered it on Amazon, and he’s actually reading it.
Kind of a plus: He once casually mentioned that he lost $6,000 investing in bitcoin. He just shrugged and said “Ya live, ya learn. I didn’t invest more than I could play around with and stand to loose.”
He says if we work out he wants me to pursue my dream of finishing my degree. He says he wants me to do that without having to work. He says he will take care of everything.
That sounds like something a HVM would want to do, right?
The red flags:
He currently has a housemate. I’ve talked with her, so have no concerns that they are in a relationship. I’m concerned that he is that age (60s), yet still has a roommate. He said it’s because both of them want to save money, and his one year plan is to buy a house.
2. He sent me one gift, a coffee mug that he had the faces of both of our avatars (cartoon versions of our faces) put onto it. Before it came he told me he was sending me “something very special”, and “You’re going to want to kiss me all over my face!”. Really? All of that build up over a coffee mug? To him that gift was a big deal. 3) He sent me a sparkly, Hallmark greeting card with a handwritten message and hearts all over it, 5.99. He actually asked me, “ Has any guy ever done that for you?” I thought “WTF?! Is he implying this is some grand gesture?!”
Maybe he has money, but is cheap. IDK. What do you all think—of the plusses and the red flags? Or is he even worth dating? I’m in my early 50s. He’s mid 60s (very healthy and fit, btw). Thanks for reading my post.
He sounds completely out of touch with how a woman should actually be treated. You can look forward to more "impressive" gifts like coffee mugs if you stay with this man. As for his other promises? Talk is cheap, and so is he. Would him providing look like eating ramen every night? Also, only having 6 grand to play with in the market is not impressive at his age. I'd next him.
Run. The marinara flags are waving.
- Investing $6K into bitcoin was fucking dumb, he can't see it's a pyramid scheme ergo, he's stupid
- he bought a book, big deal
- ignore every word he tells you, and just watch his actions
- he's got a roommate in his 60s? NOPE NOPE NOPE
- his gifts are juvenile and insulting. A guy who thinks you should be over the moon for a coffee mug???
- he doesn't think any other guy has ever sent you a card??? That's insulting and reflects how little he thinks of you (THIS IS HUGE). A guy who thinks you're the prize would assume plenty of men have done nice things for you (like sending a Hallmark card). You should be most insulted by this
- he doesn't have any money, and if he did? He has shown he won't be sharing it with you.
GIRL, RUNNNNNN
I’m not too fond of him being 60 and living with a female room mate if I’m honest. Saving money but not living like a mature independent person would put me off. It’s kind of like the concept of a man still living with his mother. I had an ex who was late 30’s who lived with his mother (still lives with his mother btw and he’s late 40’s now). He was tough to live with, was useless in sorting anything financial, financially unstable and lacked responsibility when we lived together. Maybe he doesn’t like to be alone too. Which can be a red flag imo.
The housemate part isn't quite a red flag to me in and of itself. After all, living below your means is financially responsible.
It's the way he apparently thinks those piddly little gestures are huge deals that would annoy the shit out of me. I would be like "okay, I can't with this, you can go now". 😆
It does beg the question of whether he's claiming to have more money than he actually does. Any guy can just say he wants to pay for everything so you never have to work again. It doesn't cost anything to say that. Can he actually put his money where his mouth is? His actions are making me doubt that.
Is he planning to move to your state or you to his ? I don't see the point in being long distance if y'all aren't going to be living close to each other soon. I'm not saying you should move because of him lol 🚩talking everyday is a bf privilege 🚩future faking about making you a SAHG. He wants to financially support you, but he gifted you a corny mug and a hallmark card ?? Y'all talk everyday for months and that's the best he came up with ? 🚩female housemate at any age is weird. I would make sure she isn't the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. 🚩that gift is giving high school. It's a gift you would get from a kid on mother's day. He's in his mid 60s! You should've been like "well my previous bfs took me on nice trips, gifted beautiful jewelry/purses/whatever expensive gift you like, but this is different I guess" 😂. I just feel like he came up in a time where men used to give flowers and jewelry early on, he knows better than to give a woman a damn mug after 2 months. I think you posted about him before and he's still not worth it. I feel like it's more beneficial for 45+ women to date a lil younger. Most older men over 55/60 just seem lame and unattractive. He's going to be 70 soon and you'll only be in your mid 50s...the lifestyles are going to be wildly different idc how fit and healthy he is.
A coffee mug really
Why are you video chatting and talking to this man daily? You never even met him and you are wasting so much time on him. It’s been two months and he didn’t fly to see you .. he also doesn’t live alone (clearly not independent or financially stable). I don’t want to go on but so many red flags already
Oh gosh reading this I thought this was an early 30s man. Not a man in his 60s😬. His plusses aren't really plusses. Losing money on crypto isn't a plus neither is empty promises and future faking. No he isn't worth dating
Sometimes I wonder if men (at any age) continually play games when they’re trying to connect with women….things like pretending they have less money than they actually do, or acting like they’re loaded when they’re drowning in debt. Then I remember, of course they do. You’ve found a gem if the exception and not the rule is in effect. You really don’t know this man yet, and it’s going to take time. Maybe he’s not playing games, but he could be. Either way, you have to take him at face value as he’s presenting himself, because what woman wants to invest time and energy playing Sherlock Holmes? Ask yourself; is this a man you could be genuinely happy with; accepting him as he is with what you know so far? This is the time you’d want to figure it out….before he travels to see you and further the process of getting to know each other. He appears at face value to be frugal aka cheap skate aka not wealthy. Is that good enough for you? If you’re feeling like these questions of doubt that have popped up aren’t good enough for you, it’s a good time to consider that because he’s not your only option as a partner. If you’re willing to see past these doubts and make a bigger effort to learn about him and figure out if he’s compatible with your standards, by all means you can do that too. It sounds like his gift giving doesn’t align with how you like men to express their generosity, and that’s valid. I personally am not impressed by the mug or card either.
Of course, you can explore in other directions and get to know this man in person before hammering out your perception of him. If thats the route to go, maybe be sure to be explicitly clear about arrangements for travel and where he will stay up front. It would be incredibly awkward for him to travel to you and then have any unhashed details lingering that interfere with your vetting strategies.
The main thing is, you have been only seeing him two months. You have not even met yet...do you WANT to meet him? are you talking to other men as well as this one? Maybe you need to stop focusing on this (potentially unsuitable man)?
Block and delete.
I think staying in a hotel when he travels to you is the absolute minimum to show he's not a cheapskate game player. If he tries to stay with you, that should be a deal breaker. And when he comes, he should be taking you out, not expecting you to do the work.
Reading this it felt kinda love bomby and performative. With immediately ordering the book and then showcasing it to you, seems more because he wants to get on your good side as opposed to actually being interested (but it could be both).
The mug omg, I squealed. Not because of how low effort it is (which it def is) but with the avatars on it as well? It feels cheesy and out of touch, like another random thing he could think of to get good with you in some way.
I think there are better men for you out there! And if not then at least you won't be with this one
So sis, has he made any other plans for his stay? like a nice restaurant or site seeing tour or anything? if he is saving money on the air bnb then he should be taking YOU out somewhere nice and researching some places in your hometown. xxx
Agree