One of my female friends insists that you can never be just friends with men and will always be tricked into having a relationship with them eventually. Is this really true in your experience? I ask because I have had plenty of good friendships with men, where the relationship stayed platonic. Thank you in advance for your responses!
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Sep 4, 2020
Is it true that women can't be friends with men?
Is it true that women can't be friends with men?
10 answers1 reply
Call me cynical, but I think most men want something - either sex, keeping you on hold as a back up, emotional labor.
I don't think they can, generally. Although I'd rephrase it: men can't be friends with women.
Personally from my own experience and those of my friends; there is very often an ulterior motive behind these friendships.. They are usually hoping for more and won’t miss an opportunity to swoop in if you’re vulnerable or show them too much positive attention/kindness; even if from your perspective it’s totally platonic, and there’s no romantic or sexual vibes coming from you.. they won’t see it that way. I’m not saying your male friends are like that, but I’d always keep it in the back of my mind and just be very aware of how your words/actions may be perceived from a mans point of view.
The only men I consider friends are family, neighbors that watched me grow up or married men and their wives. The depth is nothing like my female friendships. I think it naturally happens that way. I certainly don't see them alone except for family members.
I️ think it depends. It’s possible, but it’s rare.
I️ have male friends but I’ve mostly retained them from childhood and we’re long past the “maybe one day something will happen between us” stage. It’s crystal clear that we’re strictly platonic and we’ll never cross that line.
It’s difficult to make new male friends because there is always an ulterior motive (especially since starting my level up) and I️ don’t have the patience to to put up with them while their hopes are up. I️’m outgrowing keeping men who don’t do for me in my circles and very few are of the mindset to do so with no strings attached. At best they can be good acquaintances or part of a mutual friend group (without meeting 1-on-1.)
I don't think women and men can be friends. In my experience men in my social circle wanted...
1. Sleep w/ me
2.Sleep w/ my friend
3.Use me to have access to women (parties, work, friends or friends etc)
K
i guess if you have set a tone for the friendship from the very start, it's possible to be just friends. i have been friends with a guy for about 18yrs and i am never attracted to him. it's like he has been there for so long I treat him as a sibling.
LVM/NVM - which, as we know, most men are - can absolutely never be just friends with women. At some point they will remind you of "BuT mUH peNiS?".
However, I believe HVM can be good friends to women.
It happened to me only once in my life (I'm about to be 24), so I would say it depends. You kind of need to be lucky. My male friends know that I'm single, and they haven't hinted at anything at all, since the very beginning of our friendship.
And to be honest, if you can't be friends with the opposite sex (if you are heterosexual) because all you see is a sexual opportunity, that's just really weird for me. I just don't get it.
Edit: a quick edit to add about my last remark: this is just my POV and I do not say that you're weird/an idiot/whatever if you do only see a sexual opportunity with the opposite sex.
I have two male best friends for 7 years. Neither tried anything with me, I've always been there for them and helping with their own relationships and they never treated me as a "boy". Maybe it's a rarity but I can vouch for these 2 but not really for other men
But the thing here is I respect their significant others. I would never make a girlfriend feel uncomfortable. But that's just girl code I think. I'm not the friend that'll text at 2 am or express too much physical touch. That's just wrong