Here's the backstory: In my PickMe before-FDS days, I met a guy from a nearby city while playing music at a bar and while I'm super drunk. We exchange numbers and he says he and his friends are jamming the night, and drunk me convinces a friend to go with me to meet up at like 3AM with this guy and his friend. We play music, I go home with my friend, wake up hungover and chalk the whole thing up to a funny, embarrassing, stupid story. Around a year later, the guy adds me on Facebook and says he's coming into my city and asks if I want to meet up. I figured, sure, and we go for a walk in the park near my house. I begin realizing that we're really compatible, into the same things, and I actually like him. I make a big PickMe mistake and have sex with him that same night. He invites me to go to his cottage with him (at the time, he said he'd have taken me to a museum, but everything was closed as this was during COVID lockdowns). We go and have a great time, he cooks for me, buys everything we need, and is kind, affectionate and complimentary. I was so smitten, had low self-esteem and was used to reeeeeally abusive LVM and NVM, so even though it was my first weekend with this guy I was already having sex with him throughout it. But, everything seems to go well, we talked pretty regularly, return to the cottage again a few times, seem to really like each other, and then I get restless after a month or so... I wanted that request for exclusivity. I saw a girl had posted something flirty on his social media, and I got reactive-- I sent him a message saying that we should just be friends. He was clearly a bit surprised and hurt, and pretty soon I felt bad and foolish, but the damage was done. He would still occasionally message me and and after some months had passed, I was visiting his city and (in a chasing mindset, baaaad idea) hoping we would still click. Instead, while we were hanging out he bought the drinks, but seemed really, really uninterested and distant. I go to his place after and his attitude is basically "ehh ok, I guess I could go for sex" as if I was literally take-out food or something. As we're making out, he says he's not looking to date. I have sex with him and the whole experience is just awful and depressing. I completely felt like I lowered myself and soonafter, I started dating somebody else and just tried to forget about the whole thing. Cut to now: I broke up with the person I was seeing and the guy pops right back in my DMs literally a few days after (I'm guessing he'd somewhat been following my social media activity, photos, etc) saying he's in my city, asking if we can get dinner or drinks. I was still sad about my break-up, so I say that I'm busy. He still messages every so often and says he's hoping to be in my city again soon, once his work chills out a bit. He doesn't message at all for all of July until the very end, on my birthday. He suggests going to a museum exhibition of an artist we both love. And theeeeeeen, he messages about needing to postpone due to a big work transition that's been going on throughout July and now into August, and he was very apologetic, suggested another date&time, etc. I told him, sure, no problem, but......
Am I possibly allowing for ongoing flakey behaviour by letting this slide?
And is it too late to practice FDS after you've already had sex or given too much access to a man in the past?
Is it too late to practice FDS after you've already acted in ways you regret and he acted in ways that you wish you hadn't tolerated?