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I've lost a lot of friends. They either become pick mes so we grow apart or they move abroad (and maintaining long distance friendships is tough). I don't have any close friends who live in the same local area as me. Sometimes I just want someone to hang out with me to watch a movie or do some fun activity together, and I don't have any friends who live locally to hang out with me. This kind of sucks even though I am an introvert.
I know FDS tells us to focus on making friends instead of dreaming of a romantic relationship, but the truth is it's really hard to make close friends as an adult. I've tried joining classes and other ways of making friends, and I end up with acquatainces who put little to no effort in keeping in touch once the activity ends. The effort I put into maintaining these friendships feel so one-sided that I stop reaching out at some point.
Yes, being a pick me sucks (and I'm not dumb enough to offer sex in exchange of companionship to random men), but I sometimes feel like you're doomed to be lonely if you're a single adult. Most women my age are either pick mes who only care about men or too busy and tired from work to invest time in friendships. It seems like as an adult, if you want someone to regularly hang out with you one-on-one, you have to either find an SO or deal with being alone. Sometimes it seems like there is no middle ground.
How can I find close friends as an adult? It's awfully difficult.
Yeah I think it can be difficult. I moved from CA to Oregon almost a year ago. And so I was leaving my family, and long term boyfriend. I was like how am I going to survive. My family was basically my social circle - you know. And my bf was also my way to fun stuff the weekends. But I learned that I had to put myself out there and so I would read online that joining meetup groups is a good way to find another people also looking for connections and friendships. I focused on social meetups that emphasized women focused meetups - rather then meetups being open to both men and women. And I think I learned that sometimes just getting out there and just talking to people is a good start. Start tell yourself you don’t have to have close friends (that’s a good thing nonetheless) but I think just having a consistent avenue to meeting other women is a good start. You can take your time and when you feel the need to socialize , these groups can meet that need. And I think with time , you can find 1-4 friends that can become closer. I also recommend trying to start a hobby that can give you an avenue to find other groups that focus on that hobby. You are your best friend and I think you fill your cup your perspective might change that - it’s not so bad.