Edit- please look up “hybrid masculinity”. Esp the wiki. It explains what I’m feeling the best.
I don’t know that I’ve seen this covered on FDS. I’ve met a man who considers himself non-binary (uses they/them) and it is bugging me.
I am ambivalent when women, gay men, and even asexual men identify in this way, but it was bugging me that a cishet man identified this way. I thought about it and realized that it was because while I am in favor of a man rejecting parts of masculinity expectations that are unhealthy (ie hypermasculinity) and redefining masculinity for himself, to declare himself “not a man” feels disingenuous to me because 1) he is still enjoying the societal privileges of being a cishet man bc he presents as one and 2) it ignores the very real privilege his male body has over my female body in a sexual relationship (stronger, bigger, lower risk on symptomatic STDs, can’t get pregnant, almost always orgasms, doesn’t oxytocin bond as strongly, intense male sexual desire before I even know a guy that can be overwhelming and anxiety-inducing, etc etc).
To reject traditional masculinity is one thing- wear a skirt and eyeliner and an ombré if you want, idgaf- but rejecting the fact that he is a man altogether feels like it takes away the acknowledgment of the very real biological and societal power he has over me, like it’s falsely balancing the scales and concealing that imbalance, by merely changing up words in order to manufacture oppression. I’m probably not articulating this well, but that’s the best my tired mind can put this thing I can’t get *off* of it.
This all sort of crystallized for me when I read a wiki on a term I had never heard- hybrid masculinity. It is when men will benefit from the recognition of alternative forms of masculinities which makes more *men* feel validated, but they still largely ignore the larger gender institutions (which they still benefit from) that sustain gender inequality.
I can’t seem to post a link for “hybrid masculinity” but just google it, you’ll see a wiki and a decent article from everydaysociologyblog.com .
Maybe I don’t understand the expression of NB in men? Any thoughts here? Fwiw this is a sweet guy I’m referring to, haven’t had any problems, but I had these unsettling feelings surfacing about the NB thing. Thanks.
Edit: this also feels tricky because to express these things leaves me open to criticism that I am not progressive enough what with not being down with someone‘s gender identity, even if I clarify that these feelings of the concealment of the real power dynamic stem from me being only uncomfortable with it when it comes to men who are interested in sex with women.