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I used to be really nice. I had long relationships and marriage, 10yrs 5yrs. The men were decent actually treated me well for the most part but it ended for compatibility reasons.
But in the last 3 years since learning about fds and reading a lot of feminist texts it's like this wall broke and I can't unsee the other side. The misogyny of the patriarchy, it's everywhere.
I used to always split bills etc. But now I don't want to. I actually don't want to do anything for men ever. 🙃
If a man asks me on a date, it seems they still think that I should pay my half or put out. It disgusts me. And I know I'm supposed to smile and say thank you but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know if they are just trash men or they can somehow tell that I think they are below me.
I feel like I need to practice this skill or something. Also why men don't men want to pay for dinner? What is wrong with them? I want to say thanks. But they don't care for thanks. I'm lost
It's very simple: you don't pay. If he asks you to pay, raise your eyebrows, stand up, and leave the restaurant without saying another word. If he seems potentially dangerous or volatile, you can always excuse yourself to the restroom first, and then slip out when he isn't looking. But leave, and block him and delete him on your way out the door (ask a waiter or bartender or manager to walk you to your transportation if you would like an escort). But do not pay. If he looks at you expectantly when the check comes, act like you didn't notice (but take note that he will not be getting a second opportunity to embarrass himself in your presence, because he will be ghosted, blocked, and deleted as soon as you leave). But whatever you do, Do. Not. Pay.
We split the check or pay when we go out with friends. On dates with men, we do not contribute even one shiny penny. He pays because his job is to impress you, and because you are gifting him with your time and lovely presence, attention, and energy. If he asks you to pay, implies that you should pay, or otherwise reveals himself to be a low value man, you ghost, block, and delete him without hesitation.
I used to be really nice too. Not a sucker, but honestly saw the best in everyone, including men. Now, not so much. I’ve been in a relationship for two years with a HVM, but my perspective on men has shifted so drastically that sometimes it gets in the way of my relationship. I don’t really like men anymore, even tho I have a good one. I may ruin it because I just don’t seem to care about being in a relationship now.