I used to be ambitious until I met someone who put me down and said I am very masculine and need to be like other girls who are very feminine and always laugh. I don’t talk to that person but those words stayed with me and I became a different person who cares what stupid college boys think about instead of focusing on finishing my degree. I dropped out of college and now I just sit at home and do part time jobs. I get panic attacks and procrastinate a lot on my goals and dreams. I wish I had a thick skin and didn’t let those words get to me but it did and the damage has been done. I started shrinking myself around guys and it never helped my career. Now I am a college dropout.
Ladies, please, I just need a fire in me to go back to who I was. I am taking an online Coursera course now and I want to apply for student loans but something has a chokehold on me. I am angry at myself but not enough to finish my degree. I feel hopeless. I cry in the middle of the day.
I never cared about men my whole life and those words made me shrink myself. I used to be ambitious and work extremely hard. I was working two jobs while going to university and then started caring what others think of me And getting panic attacks if I didn’t look good.
my goal should have just been to get my degree. not how my makeup is nor acting dumb and not even doing my school work.
I regret what I have done to myself and I take the blame.
I just need some kick in my butt so I can keep going and go back to school and keep working hard.