.png)
(Disclaimer: I have been recently diagnosed with autism. Socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me, so I had zero romantic experience before all this. So please refrain from calling me a pickme because I put up with this stuff. Also, english isn't my first language)
Hi, ladies. I really, really need to vent and maybe get some advice on how to get over this situation.
So here's what happened: "X" and I have known each other for a while and we started online dating right after I got diagnosed with autism. I was very reluctant at first because I knew I wasn't in the right headspace to enter a relationship.
And I told him that. Multiple times. But he insisted that we would find a way to go through this together.
So I entered this relationship with a lot of caution, but he was really good with words and seemed to care a lot about me. Until he stopped caring.
I noticed that he asked me about my day every day, but as the time went on he seem to gradually stop caring about the answer. He would also text me constantly and when I didn't reply right away he would ask me a lot of questions (but never in a demanding tone, so I let it slide).
Also he seemed to force a connection between us very early in the relationship. He told me he loved me way too soon. He also seemed way too intense.
I knew he was love bombing me from the start, but I still fell for it because deep down I thought he liked me and I liked him too.
Here is when things get crazy: I had a really bad meltdown caused by sensorial issues one day. My head was a mess. We started texting and he brought up his ex about 3 times in the conversation, so I flipped out and left him on read.
When I went back to my phone, he had left me a lot of voice messages. I still couldn't respond because I was having a huge meltdown.
So, anyways: the next day I texted him again to apologize, and he accused me of being immature and EGOISTIC for leaving him on read instead of saying right away I was bothered by him mentioning his ex.
I told him I didn't do that on purpose and that I didn't respond because I was having a gigantic meltdown.
Then he said he had a panic attack because of my behavior, and I immediately apologized again.
I must have apologized a hundred times because he really made me believe that I was the bad guy in this situation. I felt really, really bad about myself.
Then he decided that he needed a break from the relationship and simply stopped talking to me.
That man, who would spend every day saying how much he loved me and cared about me decided to just leave me. Just like that.
Knowing damn well how stressed and scared and confused I was after receiving my diagnosis . After I apologized a thousand times even though I wasn't even in the wrong.
And he still had the nerve to make ME feel like I did him wrong, and that's the part that hurt me the most.
I spent the next few weeks having meltdowns after meltdowns. It has affected my productivity at work.
My sensitivity to sounds are enough to make me have a meltdown, but this emotional burden he put on my shoulders just made everything worse.
I don't know if I will ever going to be able to trust someone again after this.
When a guy constantly brings up an ex he’s trying to get a reaction out of you. its best just to block and delete
Sounds like a narcissist. Run.
Please read up on narcissistic partners, there’s even a subreddit for this. It’ll give you so much clarity during your healing process. It’s going to be hard. Neurodivergent women tend to take things at face value and that makes dealing with men even more tenuous for us. Do physical activity every day for the next month. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you sweat. Especially on the bad days. Lean on your family and friends if they’re supportive. Get a soothing hobby that would be good for your mental health, even better if it’s something physical like horse riding. Whatever helps you with sensory issues is a plus.
So sorry. Take care of yourself. Trauma bonds with narcissists are difficult to break but it’s entirely possible. He’ll be back. Make sure you’re strong enough to ignore him.
Hang in there, go back to focusing on taking care of yourself, forgive yourself for falling for his love bombing.
Most of us have been there. The intensity is hard to "feel" through, even when you see through it. They do it because it works.
Take care.
Sounds like he was trying to punish you for not catering to him and his wants when you had to prioritize yourself. He’s definitely not worth your time, energy, or attention. Block and delete with confidence, knowing that not reacting will hurt him more than words ever could
Popping in to say I love your dp <3 Diane Also, he's likely a narcissist. Get yourself some breathing room. Then get therapy. In time, you'll be able to trust people again. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's such hard work to recover from narcissistic abuse. But worth it.
Love bombing, narcissistic desperate need for attention and mentioning his ex = 🚩🚩🚩 He pushed your boundaries at the beginning by trying to initiate a relationship when you weren’t ready. He was desperate to “win” your affections and now that he feels he has, he’s behaving however he wants. Block and delete. Guys like this tend to have multiple women for attention, so don’t be surprised if his decrease in interest is because he’s found a new shiny toy. If it helps, I’m autistic too and after leaving my ex 2 ish months ago, and feeling like I could never handle another heartbreak, I’m actually recovering very well. I’m even open to meeting someone and having a family! So if you need help, message me.
not equipped to give advice so only here in solidarity. i am very sorry he put you through all of that. that is the real face of most men out in the world right now and it sucks. i hope you have had the strength to block and delete him.
take care of yourself, queen. ♥
I’m so sorry he did this to you. Coercing his way into your life, love bombing you, making you feel like you were the bad person, and leaving you like that. I don’t have anything to say other than that it wasn’t your fault. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a lot of love and care now. It’ll take a while to recover, but be patient with yourself 🫶