(Disclaimer: I have been recently diagnosed with autism. Socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me, so I had zero romantic experience before all this. So please refrain from calling me a pickme because I put up with this stuff. Also, english isn't my first language)
Hi, ladies. I really, really need to vent and maybe get some advice on how to get over this situation.
So here's what happened: "X" and I have known each other for a while and we started online dating right after I got diagnosed with autism. I was very reluctant at first because I knew I wasn't in the right headspace to enter a relationship.
And I told him that. Multiple times. But he insisted that we would find a way to go through this together.
So I entered this relationship with a lot of caution, but he was really good with words and seemed to care a lot about me. Until he stopped caring.
I noticed that he asked me about my day every day, but as the time went on he seem to gradually stop caring about the answer. He would also text me constantly and when I didn't reply right away he would ask me a lot of questions (but never in a demanding tone, so I let it slide).
Also he seemed to force a connection between us very early in the relationship. He told me he loved me way too soon. He also seemed way too intense.
I knew he was love bombing me from the start, but I still fell for it because deep down I thought he liked me and I liked him too.
Here is when things get crazy: I had a really bad meltdown caused by sensorial issues one day. My head was a mess. We started texting and he brought up his ex about 3 times in the conversation, so I flipped out and left him on read.
When I went back to my phone, he had left me a lot of voice messages. I still couldn't respond because I was having a huge meltdown.
So, anyways: the next day I texted him again to apologize, and he accused me of being immature and EGOISTIC for leaving him on read instead of saying right away I was bothered by him mentioning his ex.
I told him I didn't do that on purpose and that I didn't respond because I was having a gigantic meltdown.
Then he said he had a panic attack because of my behavior, and I immediately apologized again.
I must have apologized a hundred times because he really made me believe that I was the bad guy in this situation. I felt really, really bad about myself.
Then he decided that he needed a break from the relationship and simply stopped talking to me.
That man, who would spend every day saying how much he loved me and cared about me decided to just leave me. Just like that.
Knowing damn well how stressed and scared and confused I was after receiving my diagnosis . After I apologized a thousand times even though I wasn't even in the wrong.
And he still had the nerve to make ME feel like I did him wrong, and that's the part that hurt me the most.
I spent the next few weeks having meltdowns after meltdowns. It has affected my productivity at work.
My sensitivity to sounds are enough to make me have a meltdown, but this emotional burden he put on my shoulders just made everything worse.
I don't know if I will ever going to be able to trust someone again after this.