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Here's the thing - MAJORITY of men are very, very bad liars. Why? Because women make it very easy for them.
Ever wonder why when men want to con another men - they will present themselves as having authority and knowledge on stuff? Because that's how they see their target.
And so, ever wonder why most men, when they want to manipulate women - they act like bumbling idiots who know nothing? Strategic incompetence anyone? Why?
You guess it - because that's how they see their target.
Men know that if they can make women believe the "women are naturally superior" in certain area - they can get away with laughably half-assed lies. The man who can work with computers and know how to drive "mysteriously" for the life of them can't figure out how to cook pasta. Get f**king real.
But you know some women vehemently believe that men are just dummy dumb-dumb and can't be relied on when it comes to certain things - and for some reason, they are things that are traditionally women-tasks like household chores and childcare.
So you see, why would men want to do all the hard work of being good at lies and manipulation ala James Bond - when they can just spew some ridiculous bullshit instead and women will just eat it right up?
And if the women start questioning their bullshit? They have an army of bros and pickmeishas young and old ready at anytime to gaslight you and accuse you of being the "crazy" one.
Most women around the globe grew up in this environment. Most women grew up surrounded by LVMs and this is our "normal", hence why we can't see the blatant lies and glaring red flags. We didn't see enough truthful men to have a frame of reference. We are desensitized and often unintentionally ignore red flags because it is "normal" to us.
So ladies, you SHOULD NOT be afraid of stumbling upon the most perfect suave psycho that can con you for years and years and only show their true face after a decade or two. Because the reality is this: most men already crack and show after three months - hell some show their colors after a week.
In most (if not all) cases - it is the women who refuse to see the blatant lies and glaring red flags in front of them and keep questioning, pondering, asking, hoping that someone can reinforce the house of cards they are sitting on.
Ignorance is a bliss they say - and naturally as women, we want our comfort zone to stay comfortable. We want our home to stay the way they are, we want our family to stay the way they are - we want our partner to stay the way they are. And we are so very afraid of anything that can ruin that comfort, we just rather put our head in the sand and deny the inevitable truth.
And here's the TRUTH ladies:
Most men aren't great liars - they are very bad, not good, horrible, lazy liars. It is us women who are so great at gaslighting ourselves, we can't even see (or refuse to see, really) even if the red flags materialize and sucker punch us in the face. Repeatedly.
Because we have been systematically brainwashed since birth to believe the lies, give men the the benefit of the doubt, make up stories about "why" he act like this and "suddenly" become like that. And society is 100% fully on board with this lies. People even make up excuses for violent murderers, r***ist, and cheaters ffs.
So stop being afraid of the so-called "great manipulative men" -- the bigger, unsolved problem is right in front of you;
You should be afraid of YOUR OWN MIND - if you still aren't completely off the brainwashing and tend to "fog" your brain in relationship - you need to work on that before dating again.
The only way to not fall for a manipulative liar is to master the art of "I don't believe the man, I OBSERVE him and make my own judgement".
Because when you are at that level - You SEE men for who they truly are, not what your ideal version of him is in your mind.
You start to SEE the soulless eyes, lack of warmth, smiles that are never genuine, his calculated "kindness", the silent anger just thrumming right under his skin, the resentment he tries to hide when you are being "difficult".
You can FEEL just how unsettling being around him is, how your gut are going crazy trying to warn you and sending you signs to GET OUT NOW!
You realize just how GLARING his lies are and how BLATANT the red flags are. How laughably PREDICTABLE his lies are - because they all just follow the same stupid script! They can't even bother to keep their lies straight - and mostly depend on gaslighting, coercion, and abusive tactics to keep you subdued.
So ladies, stop being afraid of con men - they aren't that great. Start being concerned about your tendency to gaslight yourself, and start working to get out of that.
Stay safe, ladies.
Excellent post!! I think a big part of it is how people are more likely to believe things that they want to be true.
When you are with a guy and you started out the relationship good, you like him, he had been treating you well, is attractive and checks all the boxes so far, you WANT him to continue to be this great person. So when you see the first red flag, it is so much easier to look the other way than to confront it. To confront the red flag would be to lift the veil and see him for what he really is - just another scrote. It's so much easier in the short term to ignore red flags.
But long term, ignoring red flags will get you weeks, months, years down the line with a scrote who is entitled, whiny and actively trying to sabatoge your self esteem. This was me years ago!
I think FDS is about poking your head above the lovey-dovey cloud of relationship feelings and using long term thinking strategies to better your life. Like OP says most men are really bad at hiding red flags. A lot don't even try. So they make it really easy for us to vet.
Just because you WANT something to be true doesn't mean it is true. If he starts acting up and you are having a hard time ending the relationship, think long term. Early relationship problems only get amplified with time. Don't allow men to drag you down!
Is it the oxcytocin that makes us gaslight ourselves?
This is what happened to my mom. The saddest part is she used to be a fun and outgoing person, and he turned her into a manic depressive. He pitted us against her for years and it's through the manosphere and internalized misogyny I realized what was going on. I realized that could have been me. He is one of those men that is a master liar. He's a lawyer, a damn good one, so he lies for a living. My mother is a kind hearted but gullible woman, so of course she fell right into his trap and her 50's upbringinging prevented her from divorcing him. She could have absolutely rinsed him in court. She had DOZENS of people offer to testify on her behalf as character witnesses to his verbal and emotional abuse. But he scared her into thinking he'd take us away.
Great post! Thank you!
This is the ultimate truth! Men don't change their entire personality out of the blue after a gazillion years. We don't pay attention to their motives and focus on the wrong things.