I always had this problem with people thinking I’m stuck up or too serious because I’m not very expressive and talkative with everyone. I try to not care too much about it but sometimes it’s hard to not feel like there’s something wrong with me ( And I had this feeling for quite some time in the past).
My guess about this is that it’s more related to the need that someone people have to shame others for not behaving in a certain way, and if you have boundaries or if you don’t want to interact with everyone in the room( specially if they are toxic in some way), some people see you as an closed off person.
Has anyone here experienced that? And what kind of strategy or attitude you had to deal with this kind of situation?
Ps: English is not my first language, so I hope I expressed myself clearly!
People with poor boundaries typically hate and regularly impose on the boundaries of others. It’s a them problem, keep doing you.
Women, way more often than men, are criticized for not being socially available and not being nice/warm enough. It's misogynistic, they expect you to cater to their own comfort. As long as it doesn't impact your ability to function in a professional setting or to build the social circle you need, it doesn't really matter, you don't owe virtual strangers anything.
I don't exactly have the same problem as I'm pretty extroverted and open naturally, and I have been actively working on toning it down. But I've always had the ability to throw all the socially expected niceties out and to clearly let people know I didn't want to engage with them. People have told me I wasn't nice enough because of that, but tbh it has served me.
Hi there, I totally get where you’re coming from. You are not alone! I’ve been told I’m not expressive, “cold”, like a “robot”, stuck up, and grouchy. I only talk when necessary, I don’t enjoy blabbering about things just to fill up the silence. I have emotions but I don’t express them all the time. I choose who I spend my time talking to and who I express my emotions to. What helped me is to be confident that I know who I am, and these type of assumptions people make about me are far from it. Usually, the people who say these things, I like to think that they’re uncomfortable with who I am because they can’t seem to read me easily. I see it as a compliment. Plus, the only ones who have mentioned these assumptions have all been men. It tells me a lot when they say these things. To me, it means they perceive women to act only a certain way and have been only around those type of women. They can’t wrap their head around the fact that every women is different and just because I don’t fit into that type of women they have in their head, the best they can do is assume things. So far it has worked and changed my attitude when I do come across these type of situations. I would also like to add that none of any female friends I meet ever think this way about me or my friends in general. Hope that helps! 😊
People had a problem with me being quiet, so I learned to be more chatty in social settings. People made comments about me being loud once I’ve have a few to drink. Being female and PoC means doesn’t matter what I do they put a label on me. Took me far too long but nowadays I do whatever the fuck I want. If I wanna be obnoxious, if I wanna swear, if I wanna be mute. Fuck everyone else and their opinions. I hope it all clicks for you soon, you can do it.
Sister introvert here to send some love! YOU ARE JUST FINE AS YOU ARE! I’d say re-evaluate every person, every relationship that’s made you feel less than or broken or not enough. All of that is false. Read up on introversion; we have some serious gifts that are under appreciated. Join some introvert meme groups too: the memes are genuine, funny, and uplifting and the comments will resonate. Most of all I hope you learn to love yourself just as you are. Once you do, you’re bullet-proof against clueless extroverts who want to “bring you out of your shell”🤮. That shell is HOME!
I don’t have any advice for you, but I definitely experience the same thing. I wish there was a handbook for socializing in general 😭
This has happened to me regularly over the years. I am introverted and have a calm, cool energy. I have come to the conclusion that people project their own insecurities onto me. For instance, despite me being very quiet and neutral, once in a while someone will seem to loathe me, saying that I am rude or judgmental. When you are relatively inexpressive, you serve as a mirror that reflects people’s own energy back onto them. This means that people who are unhappy or unsatisfied with themselves can’t bear you. It is their problem, and you should distance yourself from them and not be personally hurt by it. On the flip side, your personality will draw confident and secure people to you, as they want to patiently and thoughtfully get to know you over time 💙
This is a genuine problem in society because women are expected to be nice and welcoming at all times. I am more introverted in public settings too, but I used to be a pick-me who really tried to fit in by being extra nice, polite, constantly trying to give out "friendly" vibes. What it ended up doing is make me lose myself in all the effort required to put up such an attitude. It also had me questioning if people really liked ME or just the persona I had created. It didn't help that I was in a community-oriented career (dentistry). Now that I'm back to being myself again, it can be hard when people say I have RBF or seem very closed-off. My suggestion is - if you personally want to be friends with someone, put in a little effort to you know, ask questions about them. If you don't want to, however, be you.
Are you me? haha. I’m super introverted, always have been, and my childhood was especially annoying because people tend to favour extroverted kids but i’d not interact much. so i was either ‘too shy’ or ‘too full of herself’ or ‘too weak’. i began internalising these labels until they became a part of my personality, and then developed low self-esteem, because of which many scrotes pushed my boundaries. but it was only after going to therapy that i was able to unlearn this social conditioning, so right now i’m fairly confident in myself. so i’d recommend that you do give therapy a try :) maybe explore where these feelings are coming from and why people’s opinions affect you. once you know the root of it, it’ll be easier to find peace within yourself. there’s also a very nice book by Susan Cain called ‘Quiet’ which is a good resource for introverts.
You're not alone because I've been also told that I'm arrogant, snooty, bitchy and mean....all because I keep to myself.
People will always have something to say. If you talk a lot, people will say that you never keep quiet and are looking for attention but if you keep to yourself, they'll say that you think you're better than everyone. It's a lose-lose situation and the way to win is to ice out things that aren't true about you and focus on being your best self.
Many people have this narcissistic mindset that people should cater to their every whim. Those who want to feel wanted or important are looking for people like you, that keep to yourself, to talk to them, entertain them and give them validation while others can't stand a person that's quiet because they're empty inside and need conversation to distract them from their emptiness. Many people aren't at peace with themselves so they need a distraction; in this case, a person who's chatty and extroverted.
Don't pay any attention to people who say that about you. Many of them also notice that introverted people can be comfortable with themselves and have nothing they need to prove, unlike them, which again, makes them uncomfortable so they have to make you, the introverted person, to be the one with the problem in order for them to feel like the innocent party.
In summary, people like this have a major problem and are completely irrelevant. Just ignore them and go on to be your best self! 🌟🌟🌟🌟
I quite like introverted woman and I feel that it's a good thing to take your time to be open to others. I am not so introverted and I like to overtalk, which makes me shoot myself in the foot.
I have dealt with this my entire life. And like someone else mentioned, it's just another form of misogyny. Women aren't allowed to have bad days, not allowed to have non-talkative days. Most of the arguments and problems I had with my social anxiety is from my family. They think I should be this happy, bubbly, dancing clown for them at all times even though they were the source of most of my stress always dragging me through their drama. When something went wrong with a family member or a fight, they'd come to me like it was my problem... it's NOT. When I am not talkative in work places, outside or whatever- people think I'm upset, have RBF and I'm really just relaxing or just in my own head trying to entertain myself. If I start talking loudly, my mom says I'm being obnoxious, rude, a btch. If I'm quiet- I'm being dumb, aloof, not paying attention or not using my "intelligence".