Recently discovered FDS while in a 2 year relationship with a LVM

Question

I have been leveling up and I’m so proud of myself! It has boosted my confidence and given me so much validation from the mental mind fuck he has been causing me.

I’ve started physiotherapy for chronic pain I’ve been having for a year, going back to the gym, standing up for myself in arguments, going for hot girl walks in the morning with my dogs, signed up for a social sports league to make friends (I don’t have many), and saving more money. Thank you FDS for existing and opening Pandora’s box because that’s what’s it’s been like for me.

The more I look into everything FDS and it’s resources the more I’ve realized I was a complete pickme. BUT I’m ready to cut the shit and think about myself.

I just moved in with my boyfriend 8 months ago and we signed a two year contract. I have no idea how to go about ending the relationship and managing the rental. Ontop of that, because I’ve been so codependent and beaten down the last 18 months of our relationship, I still find myself lacking confidence to just cut the chord and end it. We’re constantly fighting now, and it’s normally my boyfriend walking away out of frustration because I can calmly identify his gaslighting and manipulative tactics. He walks away when he can’t defend the actions. It feels really good. He’ll then come back to me 3 hours later like nothing has happened. Rinse and repeat every 4 days.

We have a spare bedroom and I thought about moving my stuff into that room when I do it, then try to live peacefully until I can cancel the lease? 2-3 months? How do I stay strong? Are there any books for break ups that you know of that will help me grow confidence in doing it??

Anyone with similar experience would be so greatly appreciated! Especially about managing the rental situation. I am in Canada if that helps with leasing information.

FineDeliciousSnakes · Accepted Answer

Good on you for knowing your worth, leveling up, and refusing to put up with his manipulation

The best book I can recommend is “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft

Keep your eye on the future. This guy is a blip who will sink into your past. Be civil and kind of course but don’t offer what he wouldn’t return

I can’t speak to the living situation in Canada, but it can never hurt to document everything. Take photos of the living space and show there’s no damage. You may be able to contact the owner or leasing company and have your name removed from the contract. It depends on the contract

I hope all goes well for you on your journey

Crosey · Answer

That book is in my to do list! I’ll have to get it through an audio book because I won’t be able to read it while he’s at the house.

Such a good point when you say he’s a “blip”, it gives me hope and strength that I’ll get through it!

Thanks for the advice!

Not Applicable · Answer

Don’t tell him your plans. Move to the bedroom and bullshit him as to why. Tell him you’re having stomach troubles at night and don’t want to wake him, whatever you want. But sleeping in another room will do wonders to break the conditioning and give you privacy to prepare.

volana · Answer

seconding this. never let him know your next move and lie until you are safe. all the best, queen.

MedusasHairBrush · Answer

Hey Lady, get on the renters groups on FB for your province. The people on there are a wealth of information about breaking lease. Best of luck to you!

Recently discovered FDS while in a 2 year relationship with a LVM

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