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A pattern I have noticed with scrotes over the years is that they always want to be the person in the relationship for whom all your empathy, patience and energy is reserved or prioritised for.
Even when they fuck up, they cry about how bad they feel that they hurt you, that they feel so sad now, that they're hurting and can't bear it. Cry me a river 😂
Don't fall for it!
All they're doing is trying to make you feel bad for staying firm with your boundaries and trying to change the dynamic from one where they need to step up, apologise and make amends to one where you now feel bad about bringing up an issue at all.
Again, it's all about them and their needs.
It's difficult when you're an empathetic person and old relationships, family and society have groomed you into giving up your empathy and time for free in relationships that lack the reciprocity that warrants such giving. As such, it's even more important for you to stick to your boundaries and practice enforcing them over and over again.
Absolutely agreed! And I think this strikes at the heart of being a people-pleaser. Women are socially conditioned into this awful corner of putting everyone else’s needs above their own. Part of FDS is doing a deep reprogramming to place our own needs above others’! One book that helped me a lot is “When Pleasing You Is Killing Me”: https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125 The author, Les Carter, also has amazing YouTube videos on understanding and coping with narcissists (he helped me understand my covert narc LVM ex, and then helped me overcome my people-pleasing tendencies to ensure I wouldn’t be trapped by another one again!). As long as you remain a people-pleaser, you are dangerously susceptible to falling prey to narcissists, controllers, abusers, and a wide variety of other people who will hurt you without a second thought to get what they want. Level up, protect yourself, and flourish 🖤
If someone does you wrong, and you end feeling sorry for them, then you have been MANipulated. You can’t spell ”manipulate“ without “MAN.” It’s their specialty since recorded history began. Male does something wrong—shifts blame and consequences to woman. Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.
Honestly, I don’t really experience much empathy (cognitive yes, affective no) and I’ve seen how society punishes women who don’t. We’re forced to empathise with anyone and everyone other than ourselves (particularly men) and it’s really tiresome. I’ve been called all sorts of things: a monster, evil, cruel, callous when I haven’t shown men empathy or guilt (for things i shouldn’t have even felt guilty for) and the audacity is really shocking. Whatever little empathy I have is reserved for myself, my close family and women in general. Scrotes can choke.
I am very empathetic and I've had to work on resisting the urge to listen to everyone's problems. All my life I've had this pattern of feeling flattered when someone entrusted me with private information, thinking the relationship was deeper than it really was and continuing to give and prioritize this person, only to notice I had an emotional leech on my hands who didn't care about MY well being or comfort in the slightest. This happened in all contexts, romantic or not. Over the years I've worked on myself and gained so many insights into human psychology, of course I'd want to share that knowledge and try to help people with it. Most people are not ready for that, however, and need to reach their conclusions on their own, if they even have the ability and desire to learn and grow. I wouldn't have learned anything from someone spoonfeeding me conclusions either. Over time, I would just grow increasingly frustrated with people telling me the same stories, me offering the same advice I did the last ten times, and just ending up drained. After escaping my last emotionally abusive relationship, I learned to say no. I learned to say "sorry, I don't have the space to listen right now." I learned to say "I can't help you". Recently, an old friend reached out to me and I've always held him in high regard, and the conversation was emotionally intimate right away. I felt good about it, happy to rekindle a meaningful connection, until I stopped myself and noticed: he was severely oversharing (even one sexual TMI, ugh), not asking me anything about my life, basically faking emotional intimacy because he needed someone to vent to (he was feeling lonely on a solo trip). People like him don't have malicious intent, but their behavior is still harmful. I felt emotionally steamrolled and for the first time I really saw it all for what it was right there and then in the moment. My sentimentality wore off quickly and I tapered off my responses. I had been all ready to go to analyse his issues with him, to get another perspective from a mutual friend, to offer this man loads of my mental energy and free time, for what exactly? A shell of a friendship? No sir.