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I love listening to women talk about the mundane things they did.
No, I am not trying to ice-break or being sociable -- I just LOVE listening to complete stranger talking about the mushroom she found at the supermarket that morning, or how she finally learned to fold clothes the proper way.
It is highly interesting. It is so human. Mundaneness is interesting.
Often they ended up telling me -- a complete stranger at the bus stop -- their entire life story because I was so interested in the mundane things they told me.
(Men can't keep it mundane even if their life depends on it -- they always consciously and/or unconsciously talked themselves up too much -- it is so boring)
Now, am I an empath that care so much about these strangers?
No, the complete opposite actually. My EQ is very low, that's why I overcompensate with logic. Anyway, the bottom line is I don't care care -- but still, all these mundane stories you think nobody cares about?
It is extremely, unbelievably INTERESTING to me.
So, if someone like me can find your mundaneness highly interesting -- what excuse does a man, who claims that he LOVES you -- not to find your mundaneness interesting? Precious? Beloved? Never stop wanting to listen to you talk about random, ordinary things you do everyday?
NONE. He has NO excuse.
Don't you DARE allow a man to claim that he "loves" you yet don't stop what he is doing, turn his entire body to you, look at you in the eyes, and show you with his ENTIRE being that he is LISTENING when you tell him about your day.
Because if he GENUINELY LOVES YOU -- he doesn't even have the capability to find you "boring". You can even just utter random nonsense and he will still listen, with his entire being.
If he can't give you that level of attention at the moment, he will have the decency to "reschedule" and politely ask you to wait until he can give you all his attention. That is how a HVM loves you -- with respect, with care, with manner, with thoughtfulness, being extremely careful and respectful of you.
Do you think someone like this will be careless enough to find you "boring" -- and tell you as such?
No, you are not "boring" -- that asshole doesn't give a sh*t about you, that's why he said that.
You need to remember -- the grandiose, extraordinary, amazing, glorious, va va voom part of you only make about 20% of you. The rest is the the mundane, the ordinary, the normal you.
You can't be with someone who only cares about the amazing 20% of you, but turned his nose up at the mundane 80% of you.
He should love your amazing 20% -- but love your mundane 80% EVEN MORE.
Because he is going to meet that 80% very frequently every single day.
What kind of relationship is that if a man think the majority part of you is "boring" -- and is only excited when you are in your 20%?
A HVM will look forward to meet that 80% every day because that's YOU in your most original, honest, sincere, human state.
Your MUNDANESS is what makes him loves you EVEN MORE. Because that's you without the public persona.
So he will listen, and he will listen with all the intensity he can bring to the table -- and you will see his LOVE.
If the man you are currently dealing with doesn't give you that -- something that even I, a complete stranger, can give -- stop making excuses for him and just drop that dude, sis.
Stay safe, Stay Woman.
I worried for years about ensuring I stayed “fun” and entertaining for guys, because they seemed to get bored within the first 3 dates. If a man is so easily bored, he usually has some poor traits - impulse control problems, wandering eyes, impatience, irritability etc. I like this post. We shouldn’t be performing for them, they should work to keep us entertained. I’ll be myself and give them as much or as little as I want.
Yes! This! I would like this a hundred times if I could. My (abusive) ex was obsessed with "deep" conversations to the point he would turn everything into a political / philosophical debate because otherwise it would be bOriNg 🙄. He frequently complained we had "nothing to talk about" (although we talked all the time) because what I had to say didn't clear his bar of profoundness. Don't get me wrong, I love getting deep too, just not all the damn time! Being unable to enjoy mundane shit is a dealbreaker for me now. Daily life can't be 100% excitement. My current partner understands this. He takes great interest in the most random things I say and he remembers them. We can talk about anything, literally anything. It's mundane, but never boring. He notices so many little details about his environment but also about me and gives me compliments for it. He also knows how to find and create those little special moments in the day-to-day, even going grocery shopping with him feels refreshing lol. We all need a partner who can ride out the inevitable waves of "boredom" with us.
I can't agree more. I show up and am my MOST real self with men. I'll be honest, I'd do the least amount possible of dressing up to go out on a date: throw on a cardigan and some jewelry, put on some lipstick, maybe mascara, that's it. I've never had nails, and dress super basic and comfortably anyway. That whole idea of spending an entire day, several hours getting ready does not compute. I'm so not high femme!
I also don't try to impress people anymore because that takes energy that I just don't have. Oh, I used to in pickme days: I wanted men to be super impressed with me, want me, desire me, yada yada, because that's the bill of goods we're sold by the patriarchy. And then I realized, not worth it, and it's an unattainable goal. I'm plain-average looking, and at one point I was super overweight. Still, I got married twice, and was married for 25 years, but those men liked me for me, second husband most of all.
Use being your true self as a vetting strategy: watch for those small tells, those microexpressions of boredom. Watch to see if he's just waiting for you to finish so he can talk. Watch to see if his eyes glaze over, if he interrupts, talks over you, changes the subject randomly, because all of that indicates he's not interested, he's not following what you're saying. He's trying to lead and direct the conversation away from your interests. At that point, I'd just get up and walk back to my car and leave. No loss.
👏👏👏
Beautifully put. I would take the bus often and people would tell me their life stories like you said, and I agree, it WAS fascinating! And also, it WASN'T difficult to listen.
Reminds me of my ex, where I tried to learn the language of this video game he was obsessed with because it's all he cared about. Ultimately, it didn't matter that I knew all the lingo and knew how to ask the right questions to get him talking about this stupid game. He still didn't value me or care about what was going on in my own life, and certainly would not extend the same interest or courtesy to me.
Lesson learned! Thank you for posting!
I’m still new here but this post really made me smile. I’m currently going through a break up. And when I was with this person, we’d talk a lot for hours about different things. Sometimes I didn’t have anything else to say and he would say “don’t you have anything else to say” and I would say “no” then he asks me “to tell him something that he has been the one talking” which is often a lie as I’m usually the on talking more. Usually if I’m not in a chatty mode to add things to the conversation , it’s going to be dead. One time he’d even admitted he purposely pushed my buttons so I would talk more and express myself about a topic. I thought it was cute, oh he really likes my opinion and views on things. I constantly found myself thinking of things to talk about, reading up cool stuff so I can show him I can have a great and deep conversation. Even the last time I was with him on a road trip, he’d complain about how I was quiet and didn’t have anything to say and it wasn’t cool. I needed to entertain him with my conversations since he was driving, I was really so embarrassed and thought “I’m so boring, he is going to think I’m really boring”. Honestly, I always just thought that when you are with someone it always has to be fun and sparks everywhere. Cause I also internalised that he dumped me because it wasn’t as fun for him anymore. So this post means so much to me cause it actually makes so much sense about how I felt sometimes about not wanting to talk and stay in silence, a person that really loves you would appreciate being with you even if it’s boring.
I've been treated like this more than enough... Thank you for this post.
Oooooh, I love this!
Oh no. I felt this post in my soul lol (although all your posts are great!). When I was in highschool, i had guys telling me nonstop how "weird" I was, how ugly I looked, they kept calling me names. I still remember vividly when this guy during sophomore year point-blank looked me in my eyes and dead-ass told me "there's just nothing interesting about you." I've felt so inadequate all these years since graduating HS and those memories still haunt me honestly. This post brought tears to my eyes, but I'm still extremely afraid of being mundane.. I would die if people found out how boring I actually am, so I don't ever let people in, I guess. Anyways, great post.