"Give him another chance" is an advice that led me to a horrible situation. It was the worst advice that was ever given to me and also, the worst advices always came from the same person, my female older cousin. I took my distances after that.
I used to lurk reddit in those threads where it would ask like "Guys: What do you want a lady to do/behave like/what hoops does she have to jump through to win your heart?" etc, all that kind of trash. The worst by far was accepting the belief that all men wanted to be pursued and asked out first, because that was always the most popular response. And they truly believed that themselves?!?! So, so stupid.
45
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
Replying to
🤣🤣🤣!
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
Replying to
Those poor girls don't realize those men are setting them up.
I have come to understand that men exposed to red pill refer to that as a compliance test. and then there are also the men not exposed to red pill who just hate women in general and like to treat them badly.
I've heard some pretty shitty advice disguised with 'good intention' but the ones I find the most ridiculous are:
1) Make the first move, get on OLD, put yourself out there, etc. This usually came from pick me friends who thought there was nothing wrong if a woman approaches a man first. Fortunately I never listened to them and saw how this advice lead my friends into miserable relationships with men who were obviously using them. It was pathetic and embarrassing to watch.
2) Don't ever get married. This is an advice that old women give to the young ones everyday. These women often had horrible experiences with marriage and I can't blame them, but this advice is really harmful because they still think cohabitation is the way to go. So they're basically setting women up for something worse, with no legal rights. They think young women should live with a man, have his children, buy property with him but not get married because they foolishly think it'll be easier to leave if something happens. I understand this comes from a place of trauma or simply because they want to pretend they're 'modern' and 'modern women' don't get married but seriously wtf
Bonus: have sex with him soon. This always comes from men because men are pigs and can't even fathom the idea of another man waiting and not pressuring you to get sex as soon as possible 😴😪 all advice given by a man only benefits men.
FDS is probably the only site that gives real good advice for women
To be fair the "don't get married" advice was probably influenced by their experiences living in a time before the no-fault divorce, when judges would rarely grant divorce under any circumstances.
I'm sure that was the case, yes. It's sad that they're now advising young women to get themselves trapped by doing something even worse than marrige tho
My gen z niece one time told me a rumor that some boy cheated on some girl. I said "show me their pictures" lol. Sure enough he's ugly and she's gorgeous. I said he cheated on her for sure, because he's ugly. Look at him. She kinda believed the whole uggos treat you better thing.
Sure enough yes he did cheat on her. I told her the uglies want revenge, and get big headed. I am now like her future teller lmao
I had one male “friend” one time say to me that there’s no problem approaching guys and making your interest clear. And I had some pickmes women tell me this as well and in the few times I did it never worked out and I regretted it immediately because I knew it wasn’t something I should be doing
The worst advices I got were from my parents and their friends:1. I should know how to cook and clean and especially cook because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (let me try with poison then 😈, jk)2. Since I am a woman that I have to be submissive to a man (this is against my nature) 3. That women are aging faster than men so I should be with men 10+ years older than me so we fit perfectly (last time my mother proposed to me a man and she asked me to guess his age, I gave him 45 but turns out he was 32) 4. That I as a woman should put up with almost everything a man makes me go through, that I should be patient and the one trying to 'maintain' the relationship (Beurk, I'm not doing that shit, if he doesn't keep showing interest in me and courting me then that relationship is over) 5. The decisions are his to make and not mine (No, no and NO! Decisions in a relationship should be made together)
1. Let them go and see if they come back. If they do that means they Iove you.2. Show him love and care and make him happy, he will see your worth. 3. It’s normal for men to look at other girls. As long as they are looking but not touching.4. “He chose to be with you out of all the girls! It means something special”5. “Give him another chance, he didn’t know any better”
“cOmmUniCate DiRecTlY!!” 🤡Men will tell you what you want to hear, and also these men think they’re good guys and will tell you the Hollywood version of how they think they’ll act in the future. Talk is cheap!We’ve all tried that cOmmUniCate DiRecTlY approach, it doesn’t work that way - it just teaches them to mirror you & play you better. You can only believe actions and their patterns of actions. And then control your downside risk accordingly!
- when people assumed men behaving like turds is due to them being "stressed" and so they need me to pamper them extra hard in the hopes they will finally treat me the way I deserve. I internalized this for a long time.
- the advice that you just need to CoMmunIcAtE better, find just the right words to say, etc., and he will finally listen despite having ignored your needs and boundaries ten times already.
- that men somehow don't "know" or are allowed to not care about taking care of the household
- that men are "visual" and therefore you need to put on a show for him, buy all the lingerie, do a strip tease etc.
'You should straighten your hair! Men like straight hair more than waves or curls'This one really angered me at the time, like tf? Why would I change myself for a man? I'm comfortable with how I look and I like my hair; it's unique and I think it suits me. If he doesn't like who I am naturally, he can go chase some woman he does like the look of.''You should date someone older than you, older men like younger girls'🤮🤮🤮 yeah, no. I'm not going to entertain some pedo scrote I'm not attracted to and have nothing in common with who hit the wall running already and wants a 'young girl'. 🤮🤮🤮 Don't make me sick.
'Give (insert random guy I'm not attracted to) a chance'
How about no? If I'm not attracted, he needs to move on. I'm not compromising my standards for an uggle. I know no man would date a woman he wasn't attracted to so why would I do that?'YoUr sTaNdArDs ArE tOo hIgH'No, most men's standards are just too low to meet mine. That's a them problem, not a me problem and I'm not about to make it one.
I feel like I'm still growing up lol so I'll just include bits I receive along the way...Some have already been mentioned si I'll just add"You're too picky""Men show love through physical affection/contact" (ie if you don't give him sex he will feel unloved/won't get that you like t him/feel rejected etc etc)
There's a lot, but the first one that comes to mind is: reward him with sex/blowjobs whenever he washes the dishes or completes some other bare minimum expected task 😵💫
Oh wow, that one is so gross. Talk about objectifying women, yuck. Men really are coddled constantly. Why should they be rewarded with anything for being a fully functioning adult? 🤡
“Relationships are hard work”(glorifying struggle love. The men who have treated me the best actively made my life easier and not harder, we just ended up not being compatible)
“If you don’t have sex early on, you won’t know if you’re compatible“
“the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach(he should be feeding you, not you feeding them!)
”all men need blowjobs to stay interested”(nope. My favorite partners didn’t like bjs.)
”all men watch porn“
”fat guys/virgins/inexperienced guys will be so grateful for your company that they will treat you like a queen”(they are the opposite of this)
when it comes to my kids father-“you chose him”(no i did not. I chose who he pretended to be at first. I could only do so much to prevent that)
and my least favorite, all encompassing one: “boys will be boys”
Thank you for noticing that one because it’s the most annoying one to me. Why the hell would a woman choose a man who makes her life worse. I really hate the victim-blaming feel of it.
If anything, ugly men will be even shittier because their fragile egos can't handle the reality of women not throwing themselves at them like they deserve.
Straight from the south european version of the scam known as patriarchy:
Men will hurt you and do "crazy" things for love because they love you SO much they can't help themselves and you should just go with it because "PaSsiOn" and "the heart cannot be controlled" and "they try to control you because they care".
In this version of reality, if youre rejecting control you get told you reject love and affection.
This was "Patriarchy meets mediterranean anxious attachment 101" for you
not so much in terms of growing up, but this was quite a horrific experience. In response to me getting raped by my ex: well you’re not sleeping with him and men have needs.
You can fix him if you just communicate! Don't throw away a relationship just because of "one problem". Girls are just awful at communicating, he can't read minds, you know /s
My first "boyfriend" [I have written him out of my dating history] straight up told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. I thought I could convince him otherwise because he said I was just so beautiful so obviously I'm a perfect little siren lmao
He cheated on me two weeks later (and probably was the entire time). Was so confused why I didn't want to be friends with him. Never again lol
18
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
Oh, I just thought of one!
Not dating advice but sex advice. It usually comes from women that mean well but their advice just ain't cutting it lol.
"With the right one, you would actually want to do XYZ in bed😊."
Like? Why do they tell this shit to young girls?
Like If I say I'm not into anal. No amount of sweetness from a man will change that. Respect what the fuck I said.
People say this to men as well, that they just need to find the right "combo" of words and actions, like in a video game, and then they can somehow "unlock" sex act X in their girlfriends.
💯 And the women giving that bad advice clearly have no idea about the depth of male depravity as to what “XYZ in bed” acts would actually be requested. Horrible things. Hell no!
I got very good advice from my Slovak mother and grandmother growing up. They told me to date many guys at once and to not sleep with any of them. Only give a guy 6 months of dating, and if he doesn't want to marry you, leave. Don't ever be his girlfriend--that's just wife benefits and "girlfriend" means nothing. If he doesn't marry you after a year, he isn't gonna marry you. He needs to have a career and an education, because you cannot always control how your health and birthing of children will go (No 50/50). Don't ever call or chase a man. Men will say anything to get you into bed, but they won't necessarily DO anything for it, so be careful and watch his actions. Don't be alone with a male in a room, because they expect sex. But society told me the exact opposite things that my mother and grandmother said, and I mostly f*cked it all up. I believed what the media and other people that didn't care about me said to do.
"Just give him a chance" to someone I was NOT attracted to (luckily, I did NOT give the guy a chance-- vapid victory!).
What warms my cold-as-the-tundra-in-January heart is the fact that girlies on TikTok are telling each other this advice is B.S. because they treat you JUST as bad as the guys who actually are attractive.
My step-sister who I suspect has BPD, told me to “play games” with the guy I liked. I just never could. I don’t think that way and am on the level with everyone.
Oh, goodness. Too many bad pieces of advice given. Here are some gems that have stood out.
”Give him a chance!” I listened and gave a chance to the unemployed, overweight bum that I was not physically attracted towards in any way. It didn’t work. I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him as I was not attracted to him.
”No one is going to love you as much as he does!” When I dumped guy in point #1, his pick me friend called me up and tried to talk me into giving him another chance. I actually realized at that point that I loved myself more and wasn’t willing to settle for constant disappointment and paying for everything.
“You should give him another chance!” There was a handsome contractor that would be at my work once a week, and I mentioned that I found him attractive to someone I worked with. They told me he was single and decided to set us up. We went on one date and I later text him tell him that I had a nice time and would love to see him again. He then responded with being too busy to meet, and I took that as a sign that he wasn’t interested. One month later he gets in touch out of the blue and asks me out. I ignored it, but I mentioned it to people at work. I then got hounded to give it another try. I went against my own gut instinct and did, and it was awful. The guy was so hung up on his ex and would get drunk and call her in the few months we dated. I would get ghosted when she showed signs of reciprocating, and blamed myself for not trying harder. It ended when he told me they had got back together. He messaged me a few months down the line telling me that it was over with them, and would I be interested in meeting up. Told him to fuck off and he got blocked and deleted. I heard he was a real nasty shit to the next girl he got with.
”You need to lower your standards if you want to find someone to settle down with.” By the time this advice came in, I was done with dating uggos, guys with no aspirations and no money. I chose to work on myself and became comfortable with the idea of actually putting myself and my needs first. Men always put themselves first, and I thought why shouldn’t I? I let go of the idea of marriage and kids. I got fit, travelled the world, made new friends and moved to a new city. I then discovered that doing those things made me happier than any shitty man. Women are sold the lie that a relationship will make them happy. No, only you have the means to make yourself happy! I then met my hvm when I refused to settle and had strict boundaries.
Ladies, don’t listen to any dating advice that will harm you In the long term. Put yourself and your needs first!
”You need to lower your standards if you want to find someone to settle down with.” Is proof that the average man is trash.
Unknown member
Nov 14, 2022
"Don't have standards but choose men out of love, give the shy boy who is not a ladies man a chance..."
Never again. I will never choose out of love, I choose ppl who make my life better like a company that chooses it's employees. Being nice is not enough its your skills hygienic well dressed appearance and mindset that determines if you are good enough or not.
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"Give him another chance" is an advice that led me to a horrible situation. It was the worst advice that was ever given to me and also, the worst advices always came from the same person, my female older cousin. I took my distances after that.
I used to lurk reddit in those threads where it would ask like "Guys: What do you want a lady to do/behave like/what hoops does she have to jump through to win your heart?" etc, all that kind of trash. The worst by far was accepting the belief that all men wanted to be pursued and asked out first, because that was always the most popular response. And they truly believed that themselves?!?! So, so stupid.
I've heard some pretty shitty advice disguised with 'good intention' but the ones I find the most ridiculous are:
1) Make the first move, get on OLD, put yourself out there, etc. This usually came from pick me friends who thought there was nothing wrong if a woman approaches a man first. Fortunately I never listened to them and saw how this advice lead my friends into miserable relationships with men who were obviously using them. It was pathetic and embarrassing to watch.
2) Don't ever get married. This is an advice that old women give to the young ones everyday. These women often had horrible experiences with marriage and I can't blame them, but this advice is really harmful because they still think cohabitation is the way to go. So they're basically setting women up for something worse, with no legal rights. They think young women should live with a man, have his children, buy property with him but not get married because they foolishly think it'll be easier to leave if something happens. I understand this comes from a place of trauma or simply because they want to pretend they're 'modern' and 'modern women' don't get married but seriously wtf
Bonus: have sex with him soon. This always comes from men because men are pigs and can't even fathom the idea of another man waiting and not pressuring you to get sex as soon as possible 😴😪 all advice given by a man only benefits men.
FDS is probably the only site that gives real good advice for women
That the uglier nerdy men would treat me better and I should date those over the charming fuckboy/player types.
I had one male “friend” one time say to me that there’s no problem approaching guys and making your interest clear. And I had some pickmes women tell me this as well and in the few times I did it never worked out and I regretted it immediately because I knew it wasn’t something I should be doing
The worst advices I got were from my parents and their friends: 1. I should know how to cook and clean and especially cook because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (let me try with poison then 😈, jk) 2. Since I am a woman that I have to be submissive to a man (this is against my nature) 3. That women are aging faster than men so I should be with men 10+ years older than me so we fit perfectly (last time my mother proposed to me a man and she asked me to guess his age, I gave him 45 but turns out he was 32) 4. That I as a woman should put up with almost everything a man makes me go through, that I should be patient and the one trying to 'maintain' the relationship (Beurk, I'm not doing that shit, if he doesn't keep showing interest in me and courting me then that relationship is over) 5. The decisions are his to make and not mine (No, no and NO! Decisions in a relationship should be made together)
1/ make the first move
2/ tell them clearly what I am looking for in a partner from the start
These two pieces of advice has brought me so much pain. Do not follow them, they don't work.
33
1. Let them go and see if they come back. If they do that means they Iove you. 2. Show him love and care and make him happy, he will see your worth. 3. It’s normal for men to look at other girls. As long as they are looking but not touching. 4. “He chose to be with you out of all the girls! It means something special” 5. “Give him another chance, he didn’t know any better”
“cOmmUniCate DiRecTlY!!” 🤡 Men will tell you what you want to hear, and also these men think they’re good guys and will tell you the Hollywood version of how they think they’ll act in the future. Talk is cheap! We’ve all tried that cOmmUniCate DiRecTlY approach, it doesn’t work that way - it just teaches them to mirror you & play you better. You can only believe actions and their patterns of actions. And then control your downside risk accordingly!
- when people assumed men behaving like turds is due to them being "stressed" and so they need me to pamper them extra hard in the hopes they will finally treat me the way I deserve. I internalized this for a long time.
- the advice that you just need to CoMmunIcAtE better, find just the right words to say, etc., and he will finally listen despite having ignored your needs and boundaries ten times already.
- that men somehow don't "know" or are allowed to not care about taking care of the household
- that men are "visual" and therefore you need to put on a show for him, buy all the lingerie, do a strip tease etc.
'You should straighten your hair! Men like straight hair more than waves or curls' This one really angered me at the time, like tf? Why would I change myself for a man? I'm comfortable with how I look and I like my hair; it's unique and I think it suits me. If he doesn't like who I am naturally, he can go chase some woman he does like the look of. ''You should date someone older than you, older men like younger girls' 🤮🤮🤮 yeah, no. I'm not going to entertain some pedo scrote I'm not attracted to and have nothing in common with who hit the wall running already and wants a 'young girl'. 🤮🤮🤮 Don't make me sick.
'Give (insert random guy I'm not attracted to) a chance'
How about no? If I'm not attracted, he needs to move on. I'm not compromising my standards for an uggle. I know no man would date a woman he wasn't attracted to so why would I do that? 'YoUr sTaNdArDs ArE tOo hIgH' No, most men's standards are just too low to meet mine. That's a them problem, not a me problem and I'm not about to make it one.
I feel like I'm still growing up lol so I'll just include bits I receive along the way... Some have already been mentioned si I'll just add "You're too picky" "Men show love through physical affection/contact" (ie if you don't give him sex he will feel unloved/won't get that you like t him/feel rejected etc etc)
“You can’t find a guy with everything you want” ie lower your standards 🙄 The bar’s low enough
“Maybe he’s having a bad day, cut him some slack”
There's a lot, but the first one that comes to mind is: reward him with sex/blowjobs whenever he washes the dishes or completes some other bare minimum expected task 😵💫
“Relationships are hard work”(glorifying struggle love. The men who have treated me the best actively made my life easier and not harder, we just ended up not being compatible)
“If you don’t have sex early on, you won’t know if you’re compatible“
“the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach(he should be feeding you, not you feeding them!)
”all men need blowjobs to stay interested”(nope. My favorite partners didn’t like bjs.)
”all men watch porn“
”fat guys/virgins/inexperienced guys will be so grateful for your company that they will treat you like a queen”(they are the opposite of this)
when it comes to my kids father-“you chose him”(no i did not. I chose who he pretended to be at first. I could only do so much to prevent that)
and my least favorite, all encompassing one: “boys will be boys”
To ask men out. Complete waste of time and energy.
Ugly men will be nicer 🙃
Straight from the south european version of the scam known as patriarchy:
Men will hurt you and do "crazy" things for love because they love you SO much they can't help themselves and you should just go with it because "PaSsiOn" and "the heart cannot be controlled" and "they try to control you because they care".
In this version of reality, if youre rejecting control you get told you reject love and affection.
This was "Patriarchy meets mediterranean anxious attachment 101" for you
not so much in terms of growing up, but this was quite a horrific experience. In response to me getting raped by my ex: well you’re not sleeping with him and men have needs.
You can fix him if you just communicate! Don't throw away a relationship just because of "one problem". Girls are just awful at communicating, he can't read minds, you know /s
My first "boyfriend" [I have written him out of my dating history] straight up told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. I thought I could convince him otherwise because he said I was just so beautiful so obviously I'm a perfect little siren lmao
He cheated on me two weeks later (and probably was the entire time). Was so confused why I didn't want to be friends with him. Never again lol
Oh, I just thought of one!
Not dating advice but sex advice. It usually comes from women that mean well but their advice just ain't cutting it lol.
Like? Why do they tell this shit to young girls?
Like If I say I'm not into anal. No amount of sweetness from a man will change that. Respect what the fuck I said.
Communicate.
I got very good advice from my Slovak mother and grandmother growing up. They told me to date many guys at once and to not sleep with any of them. Only give a guy 6 months of dating, and if he doesn't want to marry you, leave. Don't ever be his girlfriend--that's just wife benefits and "girlfriend" means nothing. If he doesn't marry you after a year, he isn't gonna marry you. He needs to have a career and an education, because you cannot always control how your health and birthing of children will go (No 50/50). Don't ever call or chase a man. Men will say anything to get you into bed, but they won't necessarily DO anything for it, so be careful and watch his actions. Don't be alone with a male in a room, because they expect sex. But society told me the exact opposite things that my mother and grandmother said, and I mostly f*cked it all up. I believed what the media and other people that didn't care about me said to do.
"Just give him a chance" to someone I was NOT attracted to (luckily, I did NOT give the guy a chance-- vapid victory!).
What warms my cold-as-the-tundra-in-January heart is the fact that girlies on TikTok are telling each other this advice is B.S. because they treat you JUST as bad as the guys who actually are attractive.
And people (men) will still be like "FDS is unnecessary! "
What lies didn't they feed us😭?
My step-sister who I suspect has BPD, told me to “play games” with the guy I liked. I just never could. I don’t think that way and am on the level with everyone.
Communicate. Wasted so much time and opened myself up for gaslighting.
never be selective and take people as they are and never hope for better because they will never change but you should change and accommodate them.
the worst of the worst.
"You need to lower your standards"
Oh, goodness. Too many bad pieces of advice given. Here are some gems that have stood out.
”Give him a chance!” I listened and gave a chance to the unemployed, overweight bum that I was not physically attracted towards in any way. It didn’t work. I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him as I was not attracted to him.
”No one is going to love you as much as he does!” When I dumped guy in point #1, his pick me friend called me up and tried to talk me into giving him another chance. I actually realized at that point that I loved myself more and wasn’t willing to settle for constant disappointment and paying for everything.
“You should give him another chance!” There was a handsome contractor that would be at my work once a week, and I mentioned that I found him attractive to someone I worked with. They told me he was single and decided to set us up. We went on one date and I later text him tell him that I had a nice time and would love to see him again. He then responded with being too busy to meet, and I took that as a sign that he wasn’t interested. One month later he gets in touch out of the blue and asks me out. I ignored it, but I mentioned it to people at work. I then got hounded to give it another try. I went against my own gut instinct and did, and it was awful. The guy was so hung up on his ex and would get drunk and call her in the few months we dated. I would get ghosted when she showed signs of reciprocating, and blamed myself for not trying harder. It ended when he told me they had got back together. He messaged me a few months down the line telling me that it was over with them, and would I be interested in meeting up. Told him to fuck off and he got blocked and deleted. I heard he was a real nasty shit to the next girl he got with.
”You need to lower your standards if you want to find someone to settle down with.” By the time this advice came in, I was done with dating uggos, guys with no aspirations and no money. I chose to work on myself and became comfortable with the idea of actually putting myself and my needs first. Men always put themselves first, and I thought why shouldn’t I? I let go of the idea of marriage and kids. I got fit, travelled the world, made new friends and moved to a new city. I then discovered that doing those things made me happier than any shitty man. Women are sold the lie that a relationship will make them happy. No, only you have the means to make yourself happy! I then met my hvm when I refused to settle and had strict boundaries.
Ladies, don’t listen to any dating advice that will harm you In the long term. Put yourself and your needs first!
"Don't have standards but choose men out of love, give the shy boy who is not a ladies man a chance..."
Never again. I will never choose out of love, I choose ppl who make my life better like a company that chooses it's employees. Being nice is not enough its your skills hygienic well dressed appearance and mindset that determines if you are good enough or not.