First of all FDS never say that that once you meet and marry a true provider man - you suddenly lost your own source of income and need to 100% rely on him for money. This isn't the 18th century anymore - you won't be dragged out of the workforce and locked in a house for the rest of your life to be his subservient wife.
You still keep your job. Or if you choose to be a SAHM - you still have your own independent money separated from the household - side business, investment, savings etc. He can never touch any of it - he doesn't even need to know about it. Those money is yours and yours only.
Remember, when you choose to help him pay for some bills - it is an act of charity. Not an obligation. Not something he can expect from you - or worse, force on you.
Remember ladies - your money is YOUR money. His money is for the family.
He is the one RESPONSIBLE for providing for the family. That is his main ROLE in the family unit - he is designed for that. It is not a power, it is not something that "proves" he is superior to women - it is a RESPONSIBILITY. A very heavy responsibility that only a fully mature, fully developed HVM can handle. Not a kid in an adult body.
If he doesn't have what it takes to take on that responsibility - DO NOT PURSUE A WOMAN. Try fasting instead.
Second, you are blaming the wrong party. You are blaming the thing, the act of providing, the tool (money) - not the one controlling that thing.
Money and the act of providing is a thing - it is neutral, neither good nor bad by itself. Like a weapon - either it becomes a tool for self defense or a tool for violence, that all depends on the wielder.
You are fearing the thing, you somehow believe that when a man do the thing - bad things happen. The thing is bad and evil, in your mind.
You forgot the party that will decide how that thing turns out is the man himself.
The actual root of the problem is the man - so when you recognize that he is using the thing to control you and abuse you - you cut him off.
If you want to blame someone - blame the man, not the thing.
BTW if he is dreadful enough that you fear when he pays, he automatically expect you to "pay him back" - why are you still sitting there? RUN!
A genuine HVM who is going all out courting you will never make you feel anxious about "paying him back" - because he isn't going after a transaction. He wants a relationship, not a coercive-ship.
Similarly, a genuine provider HVM who choose to start a family with you will provide for his family without a fuss - because it is his family. It is his responsibility. He knows what it means to start a family and what it all entails. He is ready. He is serious about protecting and providing for his family.
When you meet a man and he starts whining about having to fork out money to date you, keeping tabs and wanting to go halfsies, start getting wayy over his head and being a smug ass piece of sh*t because he pay all the bills - know that you are dealing with a kid in an adult body. He isn't a proper mature adult, he is not ready.
He isn't cut out for relationship - DROP HIM.
Ladies, in becoming a HVW - you are essentially developing and fully maturing into yourself.
You become a woman that inherently understand her role in a relationship. A woman that fully settles into her role as a chooser. A woman who completely de-center men from her life that she can calmly walk away at the first sign of disrespect and continue on with her life. She is relaxed, content, unburdened, fearless.
You simply outgrow the phase of crying into your pillows and driving yourself crazy thinking about boys and their immature antics. You are no longer tortured by the depravity of scrotes. You don't dread finding red flags - you welcome them and calmly exit the relationship.
Your love is not a codependency, your love is a mutualism; relationship between two different, independent people that results in a positive effects on the both of you, your children, and the people around you.
You take your relationship so seriously that you are sensitive to any red flags - you don't question your intuition, you just automatically start getting your ducks in a row. You don't sit still wondering and pondering and trying to logicalize the situation - you just move.
You don't fear the future, the unknown - because you know if something changes, you are automatically on the move.
So the fear of getting into the situation where you are at his complete mercy will not even happen in real life - because you won't even get to that point. Because the first time he tries to subtly assert complete control over you - you are already cutting him off and walking away.
Ladies, you need to remember that the stories you see in reddit, in real life, the people around you - they are all from women who aren't FDS-trained.
Who doesn't yet understand their role in the relationship. Who ignore red flags and keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. Who is confused and anxious and tortured but keep sitting around and gaslight herself and hoping things will magically get better. Who wants so badly to be "picked" by the man, she pretends everything is good and fine and happy. Who projects her idealized qualities onto the man and fail to see just how shitty the man truly is. Who keep gaslighting herself and keep saying "He is a great man, really he is a good man. But he punched me in the face just now so I am wondering... But really, he is a good man!"
You fear that you will get into similar situation - but do realize unless you get drugged and is totally out of your mind while he drags you along - you won't "suddenly" get into that situation.
It is like fearing that you suddenly get a PHD just from reading a research paper. That's just not how it works.
There are like 70 steps before that - riddled with red flags both big and small that any FDS-trained mind can definitely catch.
You read and re-read the handbook, you get yourself out of the brainwashing, you train yourself to observe men with a critical eye, you vet like your life depends on it, you don't naively believe a man's word and keep critically judging him - you will be fine.
You trained like a madwoman for the ski competition. You toil and scrape and bruise and build your strength - do you still fear breaking your leg once you get on that ski? No, you go and use all the skills you learned to win.
You have the skills. You are trained. Trust yourself. Have faith in yourself. Come what may, you know you can handle it. You have nothing to fear anymore.