I've been tossing and turning all night about something that hasn't sat right with me. I would like your read on a situation I found myself with a male in his late 50s who recently rented a room in my apartment.
I have rented out my spare room all year for extra £s and have had three separate people - two of whom became friends. Alas, they were women!
A guy contacted me about the room and came to view. Immediately I got the impression that he was a little haughty/dismissive of authority. Nevertheless he was polite and complimentary about my home. He was taking a new job in my area and followed up a few days later to say he'd like to rent it. With bills on the rise in the Uk I was happy to accept. I also had no concerns about my personal safety as I have male relatives with military connections.
Over the course of 4 weeks, I found this lodger to be really ... awkward. I'm having a hard time working out if my annoyance is down to the fact it was a man doing these things and I was mentally screening him against LVM criteria. What happened:
-on his second day in his new job he made me aware he'd had an argument with his boss(!) which rather confirmed my original hunch about him
-some days later he acted a bit superior with one of my neighbours, refusing to tell him his name when they met in the lobby. In fairness my neighbour is a dick but in hindsight I think he was in the wrong
-despite moving to my area he seemed to have zero knowledge or interest in it. It's a well-known beauty spot with famous walks yet he made some very odd comments and didn't seem to know anywhere I was talking about in terms of landmarks. It didn't appear he did any research before getting here
-he asked many questions that made me honestly wonder about his intelligence. He didn't appear to know who certain high profile politicians were and made sweeping statements that the inner troublemaker in me challenged. One pearler 'everyone goes out and gets drunk these days'. I asked him to provide evidence of this and he shut up. Meanwhile, every show I watched in his company was pierced with inane questions that set my teeth on edge
-those inane questions spilled over into my day-to-day tasks. Was I cooking? Yes. Was I cleaning? Yes. Was I going for a run? Argh. You get the picture. He seemed genuinely surprised that I cooked most evenings and made a point of only eating the same thing: salad and garlic bread. This was someone who spent 20 years in Italy! There was also a rude remark he made about the size of a portion I had. I nearly side eyed him into next week
Anyway, 4 weeks in he unexpectedly came home at midday and told me he'd walked out of his job! That same evening he told me he would be moving out at the weekend (just gone) thus giving me 4 days notice. He spent the remaining 3 days in my home largely trying to avoid me. Think: me coming home from drinks on Saturday and him immediately going to bed.l.
So this lazy, awkward man has left me in the lurch with an empty room that could have been given to someone else. I can comfortably make ends meet but I'm both furious AND relieved to have my home back. I can't shake this icky feeling this has left me with.
What's made this worse is that I had agreed to him moving in largely because he said how much he valued a clean and tidy space. When he left my property yesterday it was obvious he hadn't vacuumed in the month he was here. His bathroom was covered in his hair without a cursory splash of bleach in the toilet so I spent a fair chunk of yesterday cleaning up. The little twat hadn't even stripped the bedding that I lent him (he didn't have his own) and even left a dirty mug on the side - yards from the dishwasher. Clearly he thought that was my problem to deal with.
Thankfully he left without fanfare. He moved out whilst I was on a long run yesterday and sent me a text to ask if I was around. Against all my 'nice girl' conditioning I simply ignored the message and blocked him - much like you'd do with a pesky date! This goes against all my previous instincts to be polite and amenable. I couldn't wait for him to get gone but I'm surprised this episode has left me feeling so off balance.
What struck me was how this guy represented some of the very worst traits of a straight man, underscored by his middle age. It scares me that there are so many women in romantic relationships with men who display similarly dismissive and haughty behaviours in their homes. He made my skin crawl but largely because I was able to look at him objectively rather than someone I was romantically interested in. I had no reason to make excuses for his behaviour iyswim.
I think my feistiness was a cue for him to up and leave. Either that or he really was too arrogant in the job and either quit/was asked to leave.
Ugh. Anyway. Any advice on how I draw a line under this and feel better about how it planned out? I'm still shaking off the feeling I should have replied to his message atleast but seeing the mess he made in my home (however managable) really cemented my decision to block and delete.
Needless to say my next lodger will be a lady OR a man who has come recommended by friends. Hopefully I can laugh about this incident soon!
Tldr; I rented a room out to a man in his 50s who was painfully awkward, lazy and low value. I feel off Centre from the experience and would love some boosting from a crowd who won't make excuses for him being a 'typical man'!