"I am (insert self-depreciating talk here) and this is the only way for me to get a date/get him to like me"
✒️ I've observed a phenomenon whereby teenage girls who think they aren't 10/10 start giving away gifts, food and money unprompted to teenage boys in an effort to be liked and considered as a potential partner. And thus, going 50/50 on a date seems like natural transition to them.
✒️ This also leads to sex after the first or a few very low effort dates because the girl is desperate to be liked and to be chosen.
✒️ And here's the kicker - those same boys, who gets free stuff easily treat the teenage girls with less respect than girls who don't do that. Sure, they surround the pickme more frequently but behind her back, they talk about her like she worth less than dirt. She is the go to girl when they want easy sex, money and stuff - that's all she amounts to them.
✒️ So in this instance - going 50/50 not only doesn't protect her from being pressure into sex, but she is treated with less respect that girls who are in the same conventional attractive scale but don't do what her did.
✒️ So every time you found yourself thinking this way, ask yourself - "Don't I deserve happiness? Why should I give myself away to be taken advantage of by other people? Who are they? Why do they get to use and abuse me? What's so great about them that they get to be happy while making me miserable? Can't I be happy? I WANT TO BE HAPPY!"
✒️ If you can't yet stop those self-depreciating talk, at least force yourself to stubbornly wanting to be happy, and walk away from anyone and anything that try to take away that happiness from you.
✒️ The next step is to go do and ideal date that will make you happy ALONE. Dress fancy, get a fancy delivery, get some flowers, do all that fancy candlelight dinner or whatever you want - and do that as frequently as you can.
✒️ Don't think too much and just make it a routine - maybe reserve a special day every week to do that.
✒️ This is how you create a standard - eventually you will get to that standard where anything less than what you can do yourself is intolerable.
✒️ It is like when you get so used to high-quality salmon that you can't stomach a lower-grade salmon. You still eating it out of politeness, but deep down you know where your standard is.
✒️ You can't control how other people will treat you, but you can definitely control how to react to the instance where people don't treat you better than your minimum standard - aka block and delete, up and leave, bathroom and ghost.
✒️ Notice how any of this have nothing to do with your (insert self-depreciating talk) - because IT DOESN'T MATTER. If he asked you out, he better be treating you good, period.
✒️ No justification, none of that sizing you up and making it a transaction bullshit.
✒️ And if nobody want to ask you out? Then treat yourself so good that you don't need anybody to make you happy. That's how it should be - a partner is meant to make you happier than you already are, otherwise he isn't needed.
✒️ Your insecurities are for you to deal with and leveling up is for yourself -- other people have no rights to treat you like shit, just because you feel like shit.
✒️ Do NOT rely on other people to validate your self-worth and relieve you from insecurities because that is a TEMPORARY solution to a permanent problem. LEVEL UP FOR YOURSELF.