This was a common theme in my pickme days: men who acted ambiguous. Sure, there's the obvious lvm in dating apps who clearly state they "don't know what they want" or "just want to see what happens". Don't forget the infamous shrug 🤷♂️emoji and the countless "idk" littered amongst dating bios.
But then there's the sneakier ones who will plan the date and everything seems to be going right. And then you agree to get a dessert and he has this "I don't know (what I want)" response. Or you get to the restaurant (which doesn't take reservations) and you're told it'll be a 2 hour wait. You look at each other awkwardly, and tell him you're cool with sitting at the bar and waiting and ask for his input. And he says "well I don't know what do you want to do?"
Or maybe you're just starting to get intimate and tease him a little. He just seems wishy Washy though and like he isn't *that* into it. So you stop. He ends up telling you that he's "into whatever you're into" and basically that "I'll do whatever you want". Well as a pickme, you may be fooled into thinking that this is sweet, he respects me and cares about what I want and is making sure I have a say. But really, wishy washiness in a man is just him being lazy and wanting you to do all the legwork - he wants YOU to resolve the issues, figure out the plan, and regroup.
Men that "don't know" ever are like a clueless puppy dog that wants you to drag it around and show it the way, doing everything for it (but lvm are not appreciative, loving, or cute like actual puppies). Lvm are lazy and are just trying to take whatever they can get from you. Oh you want to go to that other restaurant instead, oh you want to try another position, or something else? Yeah he's cool with it. He's like a passenger on a road trip, singing along with his feet up as you're driving the car and dodging roadblocks for him.
When I went on a girls trip, I ended up calling my then boyfriend - and I started talking sexy to him, with the hopes that we could have phone sex (would have been the first time for phone sex). He was really quiet as I started turning the chat more romantic - and sort of just gave one word answers. He seemed so wishy Washy- and all of a sudden I felt almost embarrassed for telling him how I missed his touch. "Are you turned on at all?" I asked just to get answers of "are you?". The conversation became awkward because he seemed careless and disinterested. I had then admitted to him that I thought maybe we could have had phone sex, to which he shruggingly said "well I don't know" and "I'll do whatever you want". After having just had made a few attempts to start saying sexy things all of which were met with Idk I was completely turned off and felt embarrassed.
I dont know men are really just not THAT interested in you. Imagine a relative trying to give you her old plates (which you don't need and really don't like at all) most people will politely hesitate saying they don't know but most people also don't want to turn down anything that is free. That's how it is with lvm. He can't say no to being seen with you and he won't actually say no to anything even remotely sexual which you are willing to give him. "If he wanted to he would" - he would take the initiative and make it CLEAR that he is into you, he would never be wishy Washy in sexual context either. A man will take the lead and take care of you whether you're at a restaurant that's too booked up, whether you're uncomfortable because it's too cold to stand outside in a line, and in the bedroom he won't leave you hanging - he will regroup and take the lead. Of course he will care about your feedback and consent, but he will not be going back and forth with "I don't know!"otherwise it will chip at your self esteem and also mentally exhaust you.
You deserve a man that is secure in himself and that KNOWS he likes and wants you and isn't afraid to show that.