After levelling up, I’ve noticed a trend with making new friends- it’s really tough! I really had to reassess how I was conditioned to make friends when my standards got higher.
So I recently went to a party with my BF, we’re both pretty social extroverts but knew no one except the party host. We didn’t mind though, because we thought making friends would be easy like always. WRONG!! The whole party was mostly pickmes, LVM/W and insecure people.
I could tell people were staring and purposefully ignoring us. I’d introduce myself, compliment a people’s outfits or make casual small talk and they’d just glare back or give a one-worded answers then walk off. The crowd was so clique-y that we ended up by ourselves alone by the bonfire. When people joined the fire, we tried to spark friendly conversation and they just ignored us. They even started ramming their chairs right behind me to insinuate I was in their way of the fire. Rude! It‘s like they’re too scared to even ASK me if I could move. I also overheard women making comments about my “desperate-looking” glittery eyeshadow (it was a disco-themed party??) and I instantly realised I wasn’t going to make friends tonight.
My BF and I ended up playing at the pool table, but the entire time the women were acting all cool girl / pickme. Like making self deprecating remarks and flirting like “Oh noooo I’m so BAD at this game, Joshie show me how it’s done 🥺” even though this random Josh guy was ignoring her. Either that or they’d LOUDLY gossip about their wild sex stories or hate on other women.
They clearly didn’t like that we were playing a good game of pool either- they would roll their eyes whenever I pocketed a ball and my BF cheered for me. We were just having fun and trying to be encouraging, humorous and lighthearted with the other women playing pool (even if they’re our opponents) but I guess they didn’t like that. At this point, my BF was already ordering an uber home, fed up with the party’s vibe, the men he was trying to mingle with were no better than the women.
I think if I was still a cool girl / pickme I think I would’ve still thrived in such a woeful environment like that. I would’ve been a total doormat, moved mountains if people told me I was taking up their space, made self-deprecating jokes and engaged in gossip. I would’ve added them all on IG too.
I realised the more I am confident and stable, the smaller my social groups. But in a healthy way! I’m lucky to have plenty of HVW friendships already (I’ll make another post on how I achieved this!) and I’m not desperately looking for anymore friends but I guess there’s a downside where you will be stuck stranded a lot more in social environments. And you can’t completely protect yourself by only exposing yourself to HV people, you will have to bite the bullet sometimes for work functions, parties, weddings, etc.
I guess one key takeaway from this post is that as you level up, people WILL be jealous of how confident you are (even if you’re just minding your own business), they WILL purposefully ignore you and they WILL try to embarrass you or make you look like the villain.
But overtime… it will barely bother you, if you are comfortable with yourself and your place in the world. And I guess it’s a true test of patience, I’d rather wait for the right kind of friends to come my way than get a quick fix of attention from toxic, insecure people (sound familiar? it’s the same logic as FDS dating).