My ex was a pedophile

As the title states, my ex was a pedophile, among other things. I had previously been involved in FDS, but left it alone for a long time as I exited the dating scene and focused on academics. I was not intending to get into another relationship whatsoever.

Queens, I messed up badly. I betrayed every boundary and every ounce of self-respect I had for myself. My ex was a male friend I had for around 4 years at that point, and I was going to leave the country for a bit so I suggested we meet up. Let me tell you the surface facts about him:

1. 22 years old

2. Highest level of education is a HS diploma

3. Has dropped out of community college 3 times

4. Has only had 1 job in his entire life

5. Is a raging pothead.

I know I behaved like an idiot but I want to give the full story so everyone can learn from my mistakes. We rented an AirBNB (split the check, of course) and it had two beds. When he arrived we both ended up in the same bed. Thankfully nothing sexual happened, we didn't even kiss. The weirdest thing was that I couldn't even stand to look at the guy, he was 1 inch taller than me, his teeth looked completely wrecked and he was a tad overweight. I would always avert my eyes, he didn't seem to notice nor care. He didn't act weird at all at this point, things would change quickly.

After we parted ways I missed him so badly, in all honesty I think I was just very lonely and isolated. We would stay on calls for up to 10 hours a day. Things progressively got more and more romantic. Eventually, the night before I left the country, I asked him to clarify our relationship, and that's how we got together. It was by my initiation, so I fucked up and immediately put myself in the initiator position because I was desperate and lonely. Later on, I would ask him when he would have eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. He responded, "Never probably."

I went abroad for a very prestigious program and this very obviously made him insecure, considering he is an unemployed and uneducated bum living in his parent's basement high on pot all day. When I struggled in this program, he seemed happier. When I was doing well, he would find ways to bring me down by making me do emotional labor, telling me he was anxious, depressed, suicidal. During this program, he entered into community college again and dropped out after 1 week of low-intensity online courses while I was on my feet for 8+ hours a day involved in archaeological digs and scouring ancient ruins. He expected me to feel bad for him and tell him that the work was too hard. This man has no other responsibilities in life, taking 3 community college classes was not impossible. Yet, I didn't tell him this for fear he would blow up on me. He got angry at me a lot so I just learned to be meek to avoid arguments with him, since everything would always come around to being my fault.

Eventually, after around 4 months of this, he got too comfortable and slipped up. We had planned to meet up at the end of my program to enjoy each other's company and eventually have sex, which would have been my first time. Once the idea of sex got introduced, he wouldn't let go of it. Things that I never would have suspected of him started coming up, disgusting kinks like BDSM, somnophilia, among other things. He would say he had kinks that he wouldn't even tell me, since once I got brave and told him I found violence against women disgusting. Not only kinks, but other things he said were too bad to mention to me. This obviously made me worried and I started treating him with a more guarded attitude. I still don't know what these things nor kinks are. One day, he mentioned to me out of the blue that he worried he might be a pedophile, in the context that while giving his 2 nieces a bath he wondered about what would cause someone to molest a child. This, ladies, made my blood run completely cold. This conversation happened after I had begged him to begin therapy for MONTHS, and he still hadn't done it. Instead, he got a medical marijuana card to make being a pothead more convenient for him.

The next day he started an argument with me, and said something along the lines of, "To me it's okay to hurt your feelings over and over again because we need to resolve this." After those two things, I finally fell back on my FDS knowledge and went full no contact, lying and telling him I was suicidal. I ended up being a coward about a month later and told him it was my therapist who told me to cut him out of my life, this wasn't true either but I was so fearful he would do something to me. He reacted badly anyways, calling me every name under the sun. I blocked him on everything, and I do mean everything. I fear for his nieces, I fear for his female family members, I've even feared for myself alone in my house, afraid he would just show up one day with all that anger.

I managed to get out, but it was only because I finally decided to default on the things FDS had taught me. The things that had been shamed out of me over the years I wasn't involved. FDS saved me from having sex with a fucking degenerate pedophile. So, I just wanted to make this post to say thank you and to share it with others so they don't make my mistakes.