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A woman wrote:
"I really don't want a man for his money, I would be happy with someone that cherishes me and loves me, the material is good but is not what makes a relationship stronger. Of course there is always a balance. I would think that two people with a head on their shoulders would both be contributing into the finances in their household, nothing wrong with that. Hey if one makes more and can contribute more than that's fine as well, usually it's the male because women are underpaid. If I'm successful I wouldn't mind being the one that gives more."
Now, at first glance, this sounds amazing. Once upon a time I thought this make sense too. So what's wrong with it?
This will be the ideal relationship -- in the IDEAL WORLD. Not in the world we live in.
Let's break this down.
1) "I really don't want a man for his money. I would be happy with someone that cherishes me and loves me, the material is good but is not what makes a relationship stronger."
🤡 Cool, so what exactly makes a relationship stronger? Love poems?
🤡 Yeah, yeah, "I love you, you love me, we are best friends like friends should be" and blah blah blah.
🤡 Forgive me for be cynical -- but the type of people who say these things usually never knew what it feels like to chew on leaves because they are haven't eaten in days.
🤡 I grew up in abject poverty -- and I freakin' HATE when people starts romanticizing struggle and think "as long as we have love, everything will be okay".
🤡 You know what isn't okay with being poor? EVERYTHING. Ain't no "love" strong enough to conquer the absolute exhaustion of struggling everyday with barely any food to get you going. And people treat you like you are cockroaches.
🤡 And who suffer the most with this stupid ass "struggle love"? The f**king children. Always, always the f**king children.
🤡 Fine, you don't want to marry a millionaire -- nobody is asking you to. But unless that man can wave magic and everything will be taken care of -- you need that money to survive. To thrive. To continue living until the day you die. To make sure your children don't suffer every single f**king day.
🤡 You need a financially capable and responsible man, period. Otherwise stay single.
🤡 Nowadays man has ONE expected role in the relationship -- go to work and bring back money -- it is not like he need to go fight some mountain lions or sh*t, so why are you still coddling that grown ass man?
🤡 How else do you think he can show he cherishes and loves you? Serenading you to death?
2) "I would think that two people with a head on their shoulders would both be contributing into the finances in their household, nothing wrong with that"
🤡 Ahh... the "good girl with the golden heart" morality -- you know where I heard this from the most? From WOMEN. Especially in the current liberal feminism landscape. And usually the type that never have to worry about money because they parents are well-off.
🤡 Know where I NEVER hear this from? From MEN. Men never think like this -- even the men who say they "think" like this.
🤡 Shit like this sounds good and morally superior on paper. But once you face the reality and all the nuances of struggle -- people who proudly say sh*t like this will be the FIRST one to fold.
🤡 And no, sis. You are not his brotherhood in arms that he can just work alongside with. He doesn't see you that way. Women are there to be provided for, not split expenses with.
🤡 A HVM doesn't seek someone to go halfsies on household financials -- because that's insulting his capabilities. He is not looking for a business partner -- he is looking for a wife.
🤡 Meanwhile scrotes be promising "I got you back, don't worry we are in this together" while already typing up their resignation letter because they found a new atm.
3) "Hey if one makes more and can contribute more than that's fine as well, usually it's the male because women are underpaid. If I'm successful I wouldn't mind being the one that gives more."
🤡 Oh I hear this all the time -- "I don't mind giving more" up until she realizes she will be the one giving more for the rest of her life. She will be the one working until labor and expected to get up right back up after three weeks post-natal because she makes more -- the household will be in jeopardy if she doesn't work.
🤡 She gotta freeze her milk, pay for maids and nanny, pay for this and that, pay for childcare, pay the bills, never have any time for her kids because she is busy working, working, working -- and she can never truly rest. Because after coming home -- she is still the wife and the mother. It is not like she can act like she doesn't get any children around needing attention -- and doesn't have a husband she needs to maintain a relationship with. Even worse if you can't afford extra help -- women are still expected to be the one doing chores and maintaining the household plus shouldering all the mental load.
🤡 And even if she is smart and chooses to be childfree -- she can never truly rest and relax. Apart from the expected responsibilities I mentioned above, when you pay half or more of the finances of the household -- you expect to have equal or more say in the household decisions, right?
🤡 IN THE IDEAL WORLD, or if you have a partner of the same gender -- this would be a non-issue. Because you both think the same way. Now, you are on FDS, what did you learn about men? Men, despite what women hope men are -- don't think like women at all. They think differently, see things differently, feels differently, emotionally and psychologically react to things differently than us.
🤡 You think it is a common sense that since you pay half or more, of course you can also dictate things just like how they do it -- but they see it as a competition. They feel like you are competing with them -- and they despise competing with women. They want to pay for us, impress us, woo us, protect us and take care of us -- but if a man starts seeing you as a competition, he starts seeing you like how he sees other men. That attraction will vanish in a blink of an eye.
🤡 Men are all-or-nothing creature. If he can't pay for you, impress you, woo you, protect and provide for you, do it all for you -- he might as well do nothing and find somebody else to do it all for.
🤡 He gonna spend more time outside doing who-knows-what while she goes half-crazy trying to juggle million things at home and at work. Eventually, he let her be the breadwinner and laze around because "work give him PTSD" or some other bullsh*t. Haven't the million of stories from women all around the globe tell you enough?
🤡 And resentment grows. There's always tension at home. You can't even breathe. Eventually, you stop speaking to each other. And guess who will end up paying alimony and child support post-divorce because the person makes more?
🤡 Frustrating, but that's the REAL world we live in. So let go of that idealized "good girl with the golden heart" morality we all have been brainwashed with, and start operating in the real world. Remember this: Your money is YOUR MONEY. His money is for the family. And you better damn well start accepting that men love cold-hearted b*tches, not nice girls paying her own dinner and her own bills.
Stay cold, stay smart, and stay safe.
As always SayNad coming in with the wonderful posts. 🙌🏾 This used to be me. I used to have the “golden heart” and think that ‘we can split everything, I’ll pay more if I make more money, as long as he loves and cares for me’. Finding out about FDS made me realize that I was never used to being cared for in a relationship and felt I didn’t deserve being provided for. So I would over compensate by- reaching out first, planning and executing dates so that men thought that ‘I am interested and kind person who wants to help them’. I’ve realized how problematic that way of thinking was and once I’ve worked on my self-esteem and self-worth my standards have risen.
It’s so important ladies that we keep reminding ourselves that we as women deserve to be provided and cared for. We should be relaxed and satiated in our relationships. As women living in this patriarchal system we have so much crap we have deal with in a daily basis (some if not most beyond our control). The men that we choose partnership with at the least should be making our lives easier not harder.
Thank you for writing this. The kind of libfem thinking that men don't need to have any financial security is so damaging and toxic. A woman cannot carry a man because the patriarchy puts us at a significant disadvantage as a class. It's also a biological issue, men are supposed to want to look after and provide for us. I grew up in a household where my mum was studying and working while my dad was unemployed. It was a nightmare. We constantly had to do without things and at one point, my mum only had one pair of shoes with a hole in them. Constantly hearing your mother beg your father to get a job so she can afford to buy basic food, only to have him completely ignore her or tell her to get a second job is soul destroying. Any money there was, he spent on gambling and we had to rely on both of my Grandmas not to lose the house.
My parents' relationship was everything I don't want in a relationship. The thought of even going 50/50 makes me physically ill. If anyone's privileged enough to want to get into a relationship with a man who can't or doesn't want to provide for you and/or planning to have children with him, think again.
As my mom used to say: "You can't take love to the grocery store or to the bank to pay your mortgage"
Out of all the things it takes to make a mature adult relationship successful, love is pretty low on the list. Romantic love is just your brain getting high on its own chemicals anyhow. It's fun, but it doesn't last. Women being sold the lie that love is just so important is just a way to make us accept substandard men who give us pants feelings.
As for money, I will no longer accept a man without it, especially at my age. I was raised by a generous father, and I now expect a man to be an excellent provider. I don't need to be dragging a man around when he can't afford to pay for and do the things I enjoy. I already did that when I was married. "Love" did nothing to enrich or enhance my life outside of the bedroom.
If a man can't lift it, fix it, and pay for it, whatever "it" is, then he has no place in my life.I know what I bring to a relationship. He needs to do his part, and that includes the funding.
To add to this, we still live in a reality where it is easier for men to work less, be less capable, be less educated, be less intelligent and STILL make more than women. I see it all day everyday. I have seen this in multiple industries happening to this day. So for a man to make money all he has to do is just make a half asses try - in comparison to a woman who has to be 3 times as accomplished and hardworking to get the same job/money. And the men struggling? They almost completely coincide with the pothead games who wank to porn (usually pedophilic porn) in between. Do you really want to settle for a degenerate like that?
Love this.
and I know people hate Islam on here, but this is exactly what I heard in a lecture today from an American sheikh: man provides, woman receives, and he doesn’t marry unless he can pay up for bills and her expenses.
Stay cold stay smart stay safe. Going to be my phones wallpaper. 👏