i’m almost 21 and i’m a senior in college. after transferring from community college I was wilding out with guys. I wasnt used to attention like this and having standards because I wasnt taught these things so I mistaken sexual interest for something else. I learned my lessons the hard way and i’m taking a break from dating and I’m not taking anyone seriously until they prove that they value me as a person and i’m actually being courted and treated with respect. i did a lot of self reflection and i had to figure out why i craved attention. i don’t fit the eurocentric standard of beauty and i wanted the attention other girls were getting and I wanted the same situations they had to some degree. I’ve been shown i’m attractive but never enough to commit to, only something causal. I’m just happy i’ve came to my senses and i realized guys in college (and in this area) aren’t for me and i’m not lowering my standards again out of lonliness. Attention (especially in an objectivfying way) got pretty old and it didn’t make me feel good at the end of the day. I deleted all of the dating apps I had for good. Too many dusty men that were just fingering hook ups and i don’t want that. in the long run I wouldn't have been happy either. I used to follow a lot of femininity pages but I realized I was trying to change to fit the male gaze. I realized i should do my own upkeep for myself. I also feel like most men are selfish and all they want is sex and to lie and manipulate women so what’s the point of building myself up for a potential situation where I can pour all of that energy into enjoying my life now and accomplish my goals? I would want a relat one day and I have certain standards so i’m fine waiting. in the meantime, I don’t really want to spend my early 20’s committed to someone right now. I have many things to look forward to like meeting new people, trying new hobbies, trying to get into grad school, and most importantly growing and healing as a person. That’s my main focus right now and I learned the lessons i needed to learn from those situationships.