I cut/paste this: sorry for any bad crops tons on ads on these "news" sites these days.
Husband Backed for Refusing Wife's Stay-at-Home Request: 'Pay Our Bills'
BY ALICE GIBBS ON 9/5/22 AT 5:09 AM EDT
The internet has sided with a man after his wife, mom and sister told him that he should agree to his wife being a stay-at-home mom.
Redditor u/Agile_Creme2395 shared the story on the popular r/AmITheA**hole forum on Sunday, where it has since received thousands of upvotes and comments. In the post, the 28-year-old man asked: "AITA for telling my mom and sister to pay our bills if they agree my wife should be able to be a stay at home?"
According to a study by MagnifyMoney, 2.4 percent of parents were staying home with their children as of early 2021— a rise of 1.5 percent from pre-COVID levels in 2019.
The pandemic prompted a shift in many lifestyles, but notably led initially to a lack of child care options and the new ability for many to work remotely from home. In 2021, Mississippi, Delaware and Texas recorded the most stay-at-home parents, with all three states recording an increase of more than 100 percent compared to pre-pandemic levels.
In the post, the Redditor explained that his 31-year-old wife had recently been expressing an interest in being a stay-at-home wife to prepare for being a stay-at-home mom in the future.
The poster said: "We don't have kids and haven't been trying, and before getting married, we talked about kids and a work/home arrangement and we agreed that we'd both work prior and once we had kids agreed we'd take turns with the stay-at-home portion for the first year or two."
But the woman seemed to have changed her mind: "Now she wants to do away with that and be a stay-at-home wife until we have kids," explained the husband: "I don't want that, I never wanted that and I made clear from the start when we got serious. I enjoy my job a lot but my salary can't sustain a family."
Concerned about the financial impact of supporting his wife to quit her job, the subject was broached again during dinner with the man's family later that week.
"We had dinner at my mother's with my sister and her kids, while we were there my wife goes, 'Your son's being mean, he won't let me be a stay-at-home mom.' First, my family took this as she's pregnant and got excited so I had to tell them that wasn't it. She just wants to be stay-at-home," explained the husband.
Views of the Family
Before long, the argument became a discussion between the whole family: "It turned into this three-on-one conversation about how I should let her stay at home if that's what she really wants and I should be taking care of her and finding a way to make this happen for her," he explained.
After hearing from his family, he finally asked them: "Would you two help with the house whenever she needs it?" to which they replied: "Of course! That's what family is for," before the poster replied: "Cool. Keep that same energy and help me pay all our bills and every other expense to upkeep our current quality of life if you feel so strongly she should get to stay home."
But his family was not impressed with his reaction, telling the Redditor he was being overdramatic: "My mom called me stubborn and told me to find corners to cut to afford everything on my salary," he said: "We left and my wife wasn't too happy on the way home. She says I was out of line for saying that to my mom and sister."
U/Agile_Creme2395, who wished to remain anonymous, told Newsweek: "My mom and sister are still staunchly supporting my wife with this even though they know the agreement we had so I'll be trying to talk to my wife one more time today. Either she starts being reasonable or I just go file for divorce because this is a dealbreaker and she's known it from day one."
Reddit users rushed to share their thoughts on the viral post — overwhelmingly siding with the husband.
One commenter said: "NTA [not the a**hole], I've been here and the divorce will be horrible once you have children. Get out now."
Another reply said: "Your wife is manipulating your family to make you seem like the a**hole. Treat carefully before you introduce kids into this marriage."
"Don't be surprised if your wife quits work one day and doesn't tell you," said another Redditor: "Also don't be surprised if she ends up pregnant soon either. She is entirely manipulating you and if it were me I would run."
"It's easy to have an opinion on your paycheck when it doesn't concern them,"
I always say that men don’t play with their money. Women are brainwashed into paying 50/50 which in reality turns up being from 50-100%! I often see posts from AITA where men rip off their girlfriends/wives from tons of money and most of the advice is, “have a conversation, communicate, or set boundaries with him.” When men feel taken advantage of, they divorce without hesitation! I’d rather be alone and/or struggle than share all my money with someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. Why would I want to be with a man like that knowing that life is full of inevitable surprises?! What would happen if I couldn’t bring my “50%” due to an illness, childbirth, etc.? Just simply not worth it!
I think somethings missing, why does the wife want to quit her job? Is it because the husband doesn't participate at home? No chores and no cooking? Also who pays the bills? I wouldn't be surprised if it's the wife, so what does the husband do with his money? You can't blindly believe men, I want to hear the womans side of the story.
Sounds like she didn't vet properly. If they really had "the talk" while getting into a relationship like he claims and he made clear that he's a 50/50 scrote and not willing to support her being a stay-at-home-wife/mom, she should have left right then and there because they are incompatible.
I feel for her but I truly think she was really naive here. She ignored the signs and probably thought he'd change once they're married. They never do.
She didn't properly vet for a supporting provider HVM and now she's dealing with this even with the support of his family. This is why we don't do 50/50
Haha, what a fucking loser. His own mother and sister even have front row tickets and the idiot goes whinging online to strangers. Hope she leaves him. They don’t have kids yet, she could still get away clean.
It's best for the wife to get out now. He NEVER wanted to support a housewife and he got everything he wanted up until now Here's his little contradiction he made in the middle of arguing his position "once we had kids agreed we'd take turns with the stay-at-home portion for the first year or two." What's the difference between living on one salary for a year or two, and starting to do it from now onwards? Unless he's factoring savings which he doesn't mention. Men are growing more entitled to the permanent expectation of less responsibility. The difference is the psychological effect of feeling full responsibility on himself. If you're a girl who wants nothing more than Unconditional love and loyalty/dedicated, fds is still for you. Even more so than for the gold diggers. A man isn't head over heels for a woman until he loves the idea of being the best provider he can and giving you the best life possible. This is dumb, but the only time men are Unconditionally and uncontrollably in love with a girl is when they are doting fathers (the few good fathers). That's when they want nothing more than to give, give, give.....If you noticed that is why you feel more spoiled during the "honeymoon phase". This is also the reason it's more common for a woman to accidentally become like her partner's mother because she loves him then it is for men to become like their partner's father (no, simply paying all the bills is far from it). I've been trying to find the words express it properly but that is the reason woman and girls melt over "ddlg" stuff (daddy dom little girl). It's the attraction to someone that is not only the most protective and the biggest provider but loves doing it and gives you loving praise. With every wattpad and ya novel I ever hated, I knew exactly what girls loved about it and what they were getting out of it but I couldn't bear them and I couldn't understand how they could look past or enjoy the bad parts.
Not sure why she wants to be financially dependent on this guy?
And what was the solution to dropping their living standard?
Soo many questions
I'm clear when I say upfront to any man I'm seeing that I intend to be fully supported by him for 2 years atleast if I have a child
And an iron clad anc so that I will get paid equivalent salary should we divorce
How he's not ashamed to call himself a man?