Knowing that you never want kids and still dating a man with kids.
Spoiling his child/children, letting them get away with things.
No partner support when facing unacceptable behavior from his kids
When your partner sees you as a free babysitter/nanny. You spend more time with the stepkids than him.
How much responsibility he takes vs the mom, grandmas, other people (women) in kids’ lives. If it’s significantly less, expect the same if you have your own together. Either he can't really be bothered to parent his own child and his female family members had to step in and fill the role, or grandma has been allowed to see herself as the child's actual parent for years, which means you could be in for a battle over control of that child.
In public forums we're not allowed to say "hey this is really difficult and it's a huge handful and it might not be worth it" pretty much every stepmother in pop culture is either Mary Poppins or the devil. Kids can vent about the difficulties of having a stepparent, but there is no tolerance for honest communication about the hardships of trying to parent step-kids.
Hiding you from his ex.
A never ending connection to another woman. His ex will always be in his life, because she is the mother of his children.
High Conflict Bio Mom(BM):
invade your privacy
try to steal your man
harass your man
trample your clearly laid out boundaries
criticize your parenting
accuse you of overstepping
accuse you of not doing enough to help
harm your stepchild with her jealousy
turn your stepchild against you or your SO
drain your finances with legal battles
embarrass you in public
pretend to be friends to backstab you
try to one-up you
use your man as an on-call husband
keep a too-close close relationship with your in-laws
The phone going off every two seconds after the kids are returned to BM.
More than a couple emails a week between BPs that focus more on BM “feelings” and “thoughts” rather than the kids.
Threats to withhold the children.
BM limiting phone contact during her access week to irritate BD.
BM spreading rumours about BD or you.
BD sticking head in sand and refusing to acknowledge what is happening around him.
BM creating drama in general.
BM telling SKs lies about you that get filtered down to you through SKs.
A BD that just can’t organise himself in an adult way or deal with issues maturely.
Overly invested extended family who even after divorce side with BM.
Extended Family who feel the need to insert themselves into unnecessary drama.
BD unable to set realistic BM boundaries.
BD saying “you knew what you signed up for” (fuck you! Seriously this should never be used).
BD who just can’t move past divorce and focuses negatively on what BM did and didn’t do during court and financial settlement over a year ago.
BD who will not set a date night and make sure it is as important as time with his kids.
BD who seems to be able to organize his kids time and everything else in his life but can’t organize anything for you in your relationship.
BM calling 400 times a day when the kids are with BD.
Bio Mom trash talks your existence, especially if you haven't even met? She's not going to stop and it will get worse as your relationship continues. This Bio mom will go nuclear if you have a child with SO
How he interacts with the ex is another. If she’s a bitch, it’s all her fault, she’s a nasty person who won’t let him see his kids, fights with her nonstop and nothing whatsoever is ever his fault, you better take a long look at the picture. Because odds are good it wasn’t all her, or he is constantly provoking her. The men who legit have shrews for ex wives who ran them through hell are usually the ones who won’t say a bad word about her too loudly, or won’t push back on her out of fear of what comes next. I should have paid attention with my ex.