.png)
So, I grew up with this girl and considered her to be my best friend for over 15 years. But, for the past 2 years or so, I've noticed that the friendship became very one-sided. She would always flake on plans, or ask me to hang out at the very last minute (like I was an afterthought, or she would prioritize hanging out with men instead). Then when we actually did hang out, she'd just talk about herself the whole time and I felt like her therapist. I started to distance myself and simply ignore her when she would reach out with total disrespect for my time.
She reached out today asking if I can watch her cat for the next 4 days while she will be out of town. She said everyone else she asked is sick.
I feel like it is rude to ask me this favor on such short notice, especially when we haven't talked in several months. She has watched my cat before while I was away, but this was years ago before I decided to distance myself from her.
On one hand, I feel like I "owe" her because she watched my cat before, but on the other hand, I simply don't want to. I'm totally free and she doesn't live far enough for this request to be super inconvenient for me, but I'm just trying to find a way to approach the situation and tell her I won't be able to. Is it okay to lie and say I'm also sick? Car is in the shop? I don't necessarily want to burn bridges with this friend, but I'm only interested in maintaining relationships that add value to my life, and her friendship stopped adding value a while ago.
Getting pickmeishas out of your life is truly the most liberating thing in the world. All they do is cause extra work, stress, and drama AND they are never there for you as a friend when you actually need them anyway
I agree, it is bad manners of her to ask you to mind her cat at such short notice. I wouldn't do it for that reason alone. If you do this, you'll probably find yourself being asked to do other favours for her with no notice. I would just say something vague like "Unfortunately I can't mind your cat for you. You'll have to make alternative arrangements". If she asks why, just say "I have a lot on right now". A decent person will accept your no and find someone else to mind her cat. If she keeps asking after you've said no, that's a massive red flag.
I can relate. I distanced myself from my (former) best friend for very similar reasons. She only ever reaches out if she needs something.
You are not obligated to watch her cat if you don’t want to.
With that said, if you’re not comfortable simply saying “I’m sorry, I’m not going to be available” and leaving it at that, you could say you’re out of town, or whatever white lie makes you feel comfortable. Generally just saying “I’m not available” or “I’m sorry, I can’t”gets you out of lying, and in my experience people don’t usually follow up to ask why, but you should do what makes you feel comfortable.
She is not your “friend”. It sounds like she reached out to you last minute only out of convenience. Had she trully needed someone to take care of her cat while she’s out of town, she’d’ve arranged this WEEKS ago. There are other alternatives such as pet hotels, etc. heck even NOT going out of town because you have no pet-sitter is a valid option. Don’t feel guilty, OP, even if she decides to go w/out anyone taking care of her cat, the cat will be fine provided she has plenty of food and a ready litterbox.
This is a friendship of utility. You stop becoming her friend when you stop becoming useful to her. If you want to severe ties with her, just stop doing things for her. Btw, I find the fact that everyone who is “conveniently” too sick to be feed her cat to be alarming. Like, not one friend wants to care for her cat? Or is this a thing where she’s courting you in a position where ONLY you can care for her cats?
This week I had a friend who I haven’t seen since December ask if I wanted to go to her mums 60th party she was hosting (never met her mum!) Two days before the party lol! She’s been flaky on plans to meet since December, hardly in contact and never invites me anywhere! Always me planning! But I know why she asked me, she has no friends and wants to show her family she has one when it suits her! She’s mentioned before that her family think she has no friends. I wasn’t busy but said I had plans already. Go suck a 🍆 I say! Sick of these users