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fds
from the handbook
“Common F-ckboy Red Flags “
things that stuck out to me in this article (this is by no means intended to be a summary, and much more is in the article/essay)
“Take anything within the first 3 months, with a pinch of salt. Men will mirror what they think you want to hear & see in the early stages...at least until they get sex. “
This was mentioned with regards to love bombing and things seeming ‘too good to be true”. Important to always trust our instincts ESPECIALLY when our hormones are at play and we can tend to downplay them ourselves!
I would also add, as many have mentioned before, this applies generally to all people as well, and for much longer periods. AND, especially if you’re dealing with pathological people eg people who are genuinely pathologically narcissistic., They can wear a mask for YEARS before it slips. i am currently dealing with someone who was ‘normal’ and ’respectful’ for years and now they are a completely different person ‘out of the blue’. I got lulled into a false sense of security but no sh!t - this still happens!
I think I heard someone say wait at least 18 mths to 2 yrs w a guy/narc , and that’s when the mask usually drops and they can’t sustain the fake act anymore. OF COURSE there are some who can probably hold it for longer but i think this is a good starting guide.
also, from the article, which I found a useful reminder:
“Overinflated confidence - Something off about his machismo - he might have a deep voice, be 6ft2, be ripped or whatever else but there's something not quite convincing about his 'alpha act'......most likely his shit-ton of emotional baggage and insecurities he's waiting to project on you through coercive manipulative behaviours. Basically his manly mature gentleman act is a farce. Chances are he's broke/not intelligent/in debt/mommys boy. This is something to look out for when he's attractive physically, but something feels off elsewhere- usually there is a giant catch awaiting. “
and:
“Watch out for ‘sob stories’ too quick - “…” Often fuckboys will use this as a way to get under your skin & garner sympathy to later exploit you further down the line (usually for money/a place to stay/free therapy) or they are doing it to get you to open up and reveal your weak spots to them (such as being estranged from family). As a safety precaution do not reveal weak spots /heavy stuff to men you barely know - wait to see his actions /consistency & depth first. “
stay immune:
“Self respect and standards = no fun for fuckboys. “
note: It’s not personal if a guy is not available for a meaningful relationship/commitment. He’s just immature/not there yet/won’t be.
“the LVM sees vulnerability as weakness and is not man enough to make himself vulnerable “. It’s often not about you.
…
“LVM are looking for easy prey, if you're not that prey, he will lose interest in pursuing you, so don't take offence and see it as the trash taking itself out. “
Original article/post by user “modernmedusaa “
Such a great post. The handbook stressing to avoid mentally ill men changed my life. I used to feel sorry for moids who had mental illness but I didn’t realize they use that as leverage and take advantage of neurotypical people with empathy. They feel secretly emasculated since their mental illness holds them back but will not go to therapy. They will treat people close to them badly. They often talk shit about their ex or there’s a big sob story about how he got cheated on. They get cheated on because they treat their partners terribly, but want to make people think they’re a victim. HVM do not want to be pitied but these mentally ill men LOVE it, they will mention anything that generates pity because they get to soak up narcissistic supply.
They often don’t have empathy themselves as they develop NPD traits alongside their mental illness to soothe themselves. They cannot reflect or regulate themselves.
The part about them having a mask for two years is too real, it’s hard to believe because it’s so pathetic but that’s what they realistically believe about themselves deep down.
They are so unhealthy there’s no way to truly relate to them meaningfully and it’s hard to tell because they may have spent their whole lives acting. Before reading the handbook I dated guys who had bpd, npd, or ocd and it’s easy to get stuck with them for years if they’re physically attractive, looking like Edward Cullen, their methods work extremely well on women who don’t know their worth and I was stuck with them for years before FDS.
Having moids take a psychological evaluation before getting serious with them is not a bad idea. LVM will try to avoid therapy and be resistant to it because they’re probably self medicating with numbing agents like drugs or alcohol. They are not going to tell you that’s the reason because it doesn’t make them look good. Mentally ill moids are highly dangerous and will use you as a rehab/social worker/councilor/maid and all you get is just endless labor. After FDS I ditched them at the very first sign and my quality of life improved significantly.
can you imagine being on guard with a partner for 2 f-ing years??! this is one of the many reasons why I simply don't trust men and don't date. how can i have a happy safe relationship if i need to watch out for red flags for 2 years minimum?? i don't understand why so many women are still trying. i don't have that resilience.
🔥🔥🔥
I had a fuckboy CRY on the first date when I told him I will not accept him going on other dates and that if he wants to, he can but without me.
Talk to the exes if you can.
Fuck *boys and dark triad dudes lie WAY more that general population. Catch him in lies. But don't think he will admit to lying even if you have proof.
A narc tried to tell me his ex stabbed him, so I asked to see the cut. There was literally nothing there, but he just acted fucking stupid.
https://youtu.be/nrsyeNF6VSo?si=xL5dOrkPyv_GOpGC
Life changing.
Hey all, back for a little bit! I chat online, and one of the behaviors I DESPISE beyond measure is how a lot of these men attempt (stupidly, clumsily, crudely) to NEGOTIATE after being told no. It took me a while because I'm a reasonable, rational person, and they are just... not. At all. They want what they want when they want it, and while yes, we are all that way, it does not work with other human beings. For way too long, I would keep giving my reasons, and they would keep arguing back. It was all about (as usual, as always) power, dominance, control, which is just so not a way to start off with anyone, even in business, much less a relationship. They don't know this, though.
Specifically I find this negotiating and never shutting up, backing down, or backing off extremely common in African men, but it's worldwide, no doubt. I've just taken to saying now, you have my answer. One answer is all you get. Any further attempts to negotiate mean this conversation is over, and if you choose to respond, you are talking to air, not to me.
After nine years widowed (twice married for 25 years), I'm open to dating these days, and it's a weird thing to get used to in so many ways! I'm not looking, just living my life, but I'm open. I've also found it useful to think, ya know, I'd work with this guy no problem. I would talk to this person at an event or social gathering, no problem. But dating? Nope, sir, you are unattractive, mid, blah. It really helps. Cheers!