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Recently I went to a wedding, and a man in the wedding party had chatted with me off and on during the wedding. He was nice enough, someone that I would engage with amongst friends (like if the bride I knew hosted a party or something) but not really someone I'd date. I noticed during the wedding he was drinking quite a lot, enough that even the bartender told him to slow down (I watched him pound back two drinks in less than 20 minutes after the cocktail hour began, and the bar tender told him to wait before he'd serve him a third drink. He drank more during the rest of the reception). Said some other stuff in conversation that just came off as someone who needs to spend a little more time getting their shit together. At the end of the wedding he asked me for my number. I need to practice how to say no because I shrugged and gave him my google number...he also caught me while I was on my way out the door and trying to go catch my train home, so perhaps I thought it was just be faster to give him a number and run. Should've just given him a fake. Bleh, whatever, maybe he'll forget right?
Today he finally followed up and asked to go out. I was with some friends and when I got the text I was like 'oh no' and explained my concerns, esp the drinking. At first they tried to be like, well it's his friends wedding (he knew the groom) and maybe he just wanted to party etc. and I was like ok sure, I get it. I go to my friend (the bride)'s FB page to pull up a picture of the guy and his profile pic is literally him double fisting 2 alcoholic drinks. The jokes write themselves. Immediately my friends were like "oop, ok, I understand what you're saying now".
I'm definitely not going to go out on a date with him because I'm just not interested, although if anyone has any tips on how to decline giving someone my number in the future that would be great...
Have a fake one ready to go and try to exit quickly after you give it. I've had guys do the "let me call you" thing and end up getting very mad when they found out it wasn't a real number... not worth the anger. Give them a fake one and dip quickly. Or you can you have a real burner one that you use only for those scenarios. I would do this until you get more comfortable with being direct.
I'm really sorry you were harrassed by a creepy dude. Don't feel bad about not giving him a fake number. You were put on the spot, its not your fault.
I also struggle with setting boundaries and saying no. I learned from FDS is to practice setting your boundaries with people you already know and trust. An example would be say, declining an outing or pushing back a little on something they may have said that upset you.
Its hard to put your foot down when its a total stranger, because you don't know how they'll react. When its with someone you're close with, its easier because there's already that rapport, trust and understanding.
I flat out out tell guys, "I'm not comfortable giving you my number."
When they push back back and try to suggest giving me their number, I respond, "I'm not comfortable with that either." Of course, they refuse to accept it because they'll keep asking. I keep repeating it until they give up and finally leave me alone.
Walking away, or refusing to give them answer is also a valid response. I have a friend who literally holds her hand up in front of a guy's face with a very emphatic, "No." (Exactly like Lucy Liu from the movie Charlie's Angels)
I hope this helps, you can do this! I know it can feel nerve-wracking. Just take it step by step, and be kind to yourself.