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So I met this man a couple weeks ago. We only hung out the one time, but during our hang out, a couple hours into it, he started calling me this woman's name Sarah Boone. I had never heard of this woman before, so I didn't get it at first. He called me Sarah Boone once then twice then three times. Finally the fourth time I asked him, "Why do you keep calling me Sarah Boone? Who is that?" And he starts laughing saying he's just joking. But I'm like WHO is that though? So I got my phone out and looked up this woman's name, and it's some crazy lady who killed her boyfriend by zipping him up in a suitcase while he was still alive! I was shocked 😲 I said, "This is a joke to you??? You are calling me crazy to my face and telling me that I remind you of a woman who killed her boyfriend????What in the living fuck??? That is not a joke! That is straight up insulting me in the most offensive way possible!!" And he busts out laughing and saying, "What's your problem? You can't take a joke?" And I said, "A joke is, why did the chicken cross the road. Not calling me Sarah Boone repeatedly comparing me to a murderer!" And he said, "It's just that you said something that reminded me of her." I asked, "What did I say?" And he said he couldn't remember. Oooookay. He can't remember what I said but decided to insult me under the guise of a joke, then when I called him out on it he flips it on me that I'm overreacting. Even after I explained to him how offensive that was to me, he still called me, and left a message on my voicemail asking for Sarah Boone. Like what in the living fuck??? Anyways, no second date. Immediately blocked. I was just nice to the guy and he out the gate insults me in such an offensive way. Like seriously. WHat the fuck.
In the future, no matter how offensive, please try not to react. Cause that’s exactly what he wanted from you. That’s why he laughed at you. In the future, grey rock. Don’t react. Don’t explain why something was offensive. He knows it was. Say “is that so?” With a straight face and then excuse yourself. Good on you for blocking and deleting.
Ah yes, negging. I used to constantly let these little jokes slide with men (and pickme women too)… in my experience, 99% of the time it is a test of boundaries, and it will ALWAYS get worse later on as they continue to test what you’ll put up with.
Now, no matter how “small” the joke, if it makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable, I drop the man. This has been hard for me because I love bantering but I realized that a man who’s default mode of “flirting” is making fun of me is most likely extremely insecure and looking to ruin my self esteem and I need to run in the opposite direction.
I also have tried to let go of feeling the need explaining myself or calling men out because they can always fall back on “it was just a joke, I didn’t mean it like that!” It will make you feel crazy. But the thing is, intuition is a powerful thing… if your intuition gives you the slightest hint that his comment was off, listen to it. Don’t talk to him about it, just move on and be thankful you aren’t sticking around for the other inevitable red flags to start popping up.
Yep men's jokes are never jokes. One time a man jokingly said " I want to lock you in my closet and be my sx slave." Nope nope nope that was not a joke that was a threat.
Ohhhhh maaan if if guy did this to me in college during my “shit disturber days”, I would have a field day with his behaviour.
Anyways 30 year old me is different and would not answer to that name. He’s eventually going to feel embarrassed as a professor or someone important is going to call him out on his shit. From my experience, guys like this don’t really amount to much in life as they’re fixated on Sarah Boone and the matriarchy to actually achieve anything worthwhile in life.
You should bring a suitcase to work.
Sarah Boone stuff should happen as often as sorority shootings until we peacefully get away from men - except for the 20% of the pop we keep around.