Ladies, think about your job’s probationary period: usually around 90 days where your employer watches how you perform before giving you full benefits.
Why does your job have a probation period?
Because hiring someone is a risk for the company. They invest time, money, and resources onboarding you and if you’re not a good fit, it could cost them. The probation period lets them test the waters and minimize losses by cutting ties early if needed.
Now flip that to dating:
You are the employer.
The man? He’s the candidate trying to earn a permanent spot.
You take a risk too when you invest in a man. You open your heart, your time, and your life. That’s why you need a “probation period”: a set time to see if he’s consistent, reliable, respectful, and ready to commit.
Does he show up emotionally on time? Communicate clearly? Treat you with respect? Is he growing into the man worthy of your “full benefits” aka exclusivity, emotional availability, and maybe eventually marriage?
How to Implement the Probation Period on a Man:
Training & Orientation:
At work, probation includes training and learning the company culture. In dating, this is when he learns your boundaries, values, and expectations. If he can’t adapt or respect your “company culture,” he fails probation.
Performance Reviews:
Managers check if you’re meeting goals. You check if he’s showing up emotionally, financially, and socially in ways that meet your standards. Does he follow through? Does he prioritize you?
Feedback & Growth:
Employers give feedback to improve performance. In dating, watch if he listens, changes, and grows, or repeats bad behavior. Growth signals readiness for a promotion (commitment).
No Perks Until Full Status:
No benefits, bonuses, or job security until probation ends. Likewise, no sex, exclusivity, or serious commitment until he earns it. Protect your biggest “benefits” until he’s worthy.
Immediate Termination if Not a Fit:
If you’re not a good fit, the company lets you go quickly, saving everyone time and pain. Same in dating: if he fails probation, don’t hesitate to cut ties early instead of wasting years on a loser.
You’re the boss of your life. You decide who gets to stay and who doesn’t. You don't owe anyone a spot; he has to EARN it.
Treat dating like a 90-day trial run: watch, evaluate, keep your boundaries (especially around sex), and only fully commit when he’s earned it.
LOVE. Yes, and we should consider it even more important than a job. A bad scrote will derail your life way worse than a company ever can. It's one of the most important decisions we ever make, deciding which men get to actually spend time with us. It can mean life or death, extra trauma, etc. etc. etc. Vetting for a new partner is nothing to take lightly. Take it slowwwwwwwwwww.
We go into limerence bc we are missing something. Could be that we are bored with our lives, unhappy at our living arrangements, lonely etc. We idealize men because we think they will ' save' us. I posted about this in my animus post. I moved in with my ex because I hated living with roommates and saw no other way out. That's what gave him all the power. If you are limerent, write down what you are unhappy about and first look for ways to fix it without him.
This is such a cool mindset to have! I am usually a victim of limerence with men and fall head over heels for them too quickly (I know, I know), but applying this mindset of looking at my relationships/dating from an objective perspective, as 'an employer', is such a great tactic to implement! Thank you for writing it ☺️👏🏻
Vet 24/7 until oblivion.