Vetting Tip/ troll for your benefit

Right! yes it is a pretty horrible word.

when I used to let men do that I would make them wash their hands with soap and make sure nails are cut/filed because they would just try to do it with grubby hands and dirty jagged nails. So disrespectful! Even with clean hands though it’s just painful or at least uncomfortable

Yeah, I found it really validating and empowering that FDS says you need to refrain from sex until commitment is established. Emotionally, I wouldn't have been able to do it differently anyways, but pre-FDS I would have felt guilty about it and would have tried to appease my partner to help him get "over" the lack of sex. This opens the door for men nagging you for sex and making you feel like you're wrong, broken and somehow indebted to them, like my ex did. With my current boyfriend I followed the FDS strategy: say you want to wait, don't give an explanation, don't give a time frame and see how he reacts. My boundaries were no problem whatsoever and he never acted like I owed him anything. In my earlier days I probably would have rushed to "at least" give him handjobs or something so he wouldn't be disappointed. I did nothing of the sort and just focused on myself, my enjoyment, my comfort, and he in turn focused on making me feel safe and relaxed. It's been really good for my mental health.

I'm no fan of fingering either, but at least it has a CHANCE of being somewhat enjoyable (if he puts in enough effort) but my ex wanted to try lots of things that were for HIS benefit only, like me wearing a cat-tail butt plug. Yeah. He was actually baffled that I didn't like being controlled / subjugated / put on display / made to feel like a piece of meat for his pleasure. "But there's women who WANT that and derive pleasure from pain!" -- yeah right, the porn industry's biggest lie ever sold to men.

Yes to all of this! I speak from experience: not much in bed is better than a handsome man eagerly and skillfully eating you out and getting turned on by it himself. There are even men out there who love performing oral but don't care so much (or at all) about receiving it, so we can just lie back and enjoy without worrying about having to perform porn moves in return. I happen to be with such a man and he is the first one I didn't have to instruct on how to give good oral. He is a very gentle and sensual person overall so it makes sense, but it was still a pleasant surprise. I have settled in the sexual department A LOT in the past and boy is it NOT worth it. Bad sex is worse than no sex at all.

I’m super vanilla and sorry for the TMI but w my ex he just begged me to do it all the time, he genuinely just loved it and it was so hot knowing that he was that interested in pleasing me. The fact that he did it exceptionally well was the icing on the cake.

i can’t find a single one whose face is worth sitting on.

Exactly! It’s actually wise strategy to get people to be crystal clear about their intentions. It doesnt mean that they will follow through but specificity tends to demonstrate how motivated and clear they are. They could still have nefarious intentions but most won’t get past your initial questions or will ghost cause you are too difficult to scam.

The lie is so easy to see through though!

The way they lie is your answer.😂. Making promises and then no details about how to deliver? Or saying, “I don’t know but let’s take it slow so I can find out what turns you on?”. Ive never had a man do the latter. I love it for the laughs. Because no man I was excited to have sex with ever had to talk me into it.🤷🏽‍♀️