Updated: Nov 17, 2020
We’ve been getting repeated questions as to why FDS does not support BDSM and other forms of female degradation and performative sexuality as empowering to women.
To clarify for future reference, the primary focus of FDS is to teach ruthless self interest to women at both a micro and macro level, and this is not compatible with anything that even has a whiff of sexual exploitation or abuse.
We cannot in good conscience teach women who come here for answers, many of whom have been through years of abuse, to explore any kind of sexuality that involves allowing men to sexualize their degradation, pain, and abuse, or to commodify their sexuality to their benefit, which includes such things as BDSM, abuse kink, polyamory, or sex work. This is not to shame anyone who has participated in these things, it’s simply a statement of the goal of our sub and why we cannot support it on principle and will remove any comments promoting these things as empowerment even if you truly believe it is a choice.
“Choice” feminism (i.e. Liberal Feminism) does women a disservice because it claims these things as empowering with almost absolutely no context.
Under what circumstances is it empowering? To what extent are these things freely given and to what extent are they coerced by men influencing society (especially through porn) in ways so that women feel they have little choice to do it? Is it actually empowering for women to be reenacting their sexual trauma in front of the male gaze? There’s plenty of women who are using kink to self abuse and really need to go to a therapist instead of another BDSM party.
Another unfortunate reality is that just because you feel empowered doesn’t mean the rest of society is going to support you or give you power. Sure, you can suck a football team of dicks as is your god given right but let’s not mislead girls into thinking people are going to look at them like a hero for it or that there might not be serious consequences for the behavior. Again, this is not to shame or say you are wrong, just that it is highly unlikely to be to your benefit in both the short or long term.
FDS is focused on helping women navigate a practical reality of men based on how they are not how we wish they were or should be. Our “Male Depravity” and “Porn sick, Limp dick” flairs are very controversial, but they’re on FDS to be a constant reminder that male sexuality is NOT like ours, and is depraved in ways that’s difficult for most of us to comprehend. Yes, even normal men. We will not further encourage men to sexualize our exploitation, infantilization, commodification and abuse more than they already do.
The goal of our sexual empowerment strategy is not to make yourself sexy to men, but to make men sexy to you and satisfy you sexually first and foremost. FDS is not Cosmo Magazine; we’re not here to give you “50 tips to please your man” ...it will be 50 tips to find a man who will munch that cookie like his life depends on it and how to kick anyone else who fails to do that the fuck out.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be attractive to men, it’s problematic as fuck if the only way you can appreciate or express yourself sexually is through performing for them. Male validation is fickle as hell and your sexuality must be independent of that in order to maintain your mental health and practice proper sexual boundaries.
This distinction is the difference between “sExuaL EmPowErMenT” and Sexual Empowerment. The latter is focused on teaching men how to please women, the former is a long list of extra shit women have to do to please men that a lot of men now feel entitled to for no reason other than LibFems repeatedly calling it “empowerment”.
All the most popular forms of “eMpoWeRmenT” suspiciously involve various forms of dancing for the male gaze Pole dancing, Cam Girling, Stripping, sleeping with random men without vetting them, protesting topless, etc.
All this “empowerment” is allegedly going on and yet straight women are still orgasming significantly less than everybody else and having our sexual norms set through porn made by middle aged male perverts.
So in response, here is FDS Approved Non-performative sexual empowerment:
This is how I wanted to be pleased
This is how I got it
This is the manner in which my choice and my body was honored and respected
This is how I evaluated potential partners and rejected anything subpar
This is how I turned down sexual activities that I was not interested in
This is how I nurture my body for my own health and benefit
This is how I created and took ownership of my own sexual narrative
This is how I created and/or demanded a safe and comfortable environment for myself to freely and fully express my sexuality
This is how I set and enforced sexual boundaries with others
This is how I pursued and received justice against anyone who did not honor my sexual boundaries.
This is how I found and maintained relationships to my personal sexual benefit