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I’d like to submit a much-needed addendum to the infamous phrase “He’s Just Not That into You”. Although it’s a good way for women to prevent ourselves from falling for lukewarm, noncommittal men, we also need to collectively realize that it literally makes no difference whether a Low Value Male (“LVM”) loves you or not. Either way, he’ll eventually treat you badly and will *never* care about your long-term happiness. He could be 100% into you. Hell, he could be ready to sacrifice his life for you. And guess what? You‘ll *still* get treated like sh*t. I like to think about it like this: imagine two men. One man is an LVM, the other is an HVM. Both are holding sealed boxes. Inside of the HVM’s box, he has a collection of all the good treatment a woman deserves. To emphasize: The HVM’s capacity to treat a woman like a queen existed BEFORE he even met a woman and began developing attraction towards her. Then we have the LVM’s box. There’s absolutely nothing in it. Not a goddamn thing. Actually, I take that back, it’s actually a black hole, it’s less than nothing. But this man will have the audacity to say that if he’s “attracted to you enough” he’ll give you tHe WoRLd. “If she can ChAnGe Me, THEN I will treat her well.” In short, he makes the woman think that she can “create” her own good treatment by getting him to be more attracted to her. The LVM scams you into putting in alllll the work for literally less than nothing, because you think that his attraction to you determines your treatment. No. F*CK NO. The capacity to treat women well is a pre-existing condition. It is not something that is brought about, created, or changed in a man. An HVM already knows how to treat a woman well, and just wants to focus that capacity on his preferred woman. He knows that his attraction to a specific woman doesn’t manifest or create the ability to respect women in general. It just gives him a little direction on who he wants to invest that gift into. If an HVM is not attracted to you, he simply won’t even entertain your feelings. Nor will he give you a sneak peak of this magic box of good treatment. He’ll respectfully decline interest. Ladies, don’t be fooled by an LVM. Even if he goes AWOOGA for you, he’s still going to ruin your life. If he’s into you, this is what will happen: That LVM will LIE to you about who he is and give you the “HVM lite free trial” to convince you that his box is the same as the HVM, even though it’s not. Then, because these LVM do not understand the point of continually investing in you to, idk, make you happy (???), they will stop as SOON as they feel like they’ve caught you and converted you to mommybangmaidism. From there, you will never again see that “supposed HVM” you saw in the beginning, and your value will continually decline as he loses respect for you for tolerating it (even though you became the exact cool-girl he said he “wanted”). Why? Well, for low value men, the magic box of good treatment is a trap. They pretend to give good treatment to *deceive* you into thinking that they’re great in the beginning and that you need to chase them to receive the full subscription to HVM ™️. The good treatment he’ll give is temporary, and it’s a full-on scam to get you to give unpaid labor until you die (probably first, mind you). For HVM, it’s a gift. They are naturally like that, they just want someone to give it to. LEARN 👏 THE 👏 DIFFERENCE 👏. It's crucial.

Last year, I was sitting butt naked in a German sauna with various men of various ages and sizes. I was at my local gym; that evening the swimming pool was inaccessible as there were women taking aqua aerobics classes there. One man complained about this as we sat in the sauna. He mocked the women, trying to draw chuckles from us. He said they needed to be assisted in moving their asses. He insinuated they were infants, or physically disabled and in need of guided care. I saw them as mothers and women with weight problems taking one damn hour for themselves to work on their health. They deserved those classes, that space in the pool, and that self-care. I looked over at the man (carefully, because I didn’t want to look like I was staring in a sauna and cause people to get the wrong idea) and saw he was overweight, I had to bite my tongue to not blurt out: “Hey you look like you need such a class, buddy!” Then I realized: most of the time I’ve heard a woman being criticized or shamed about her weight, it’s nearly always been a man doing it. And not only that, he’s been overweight himself or struggling with this issue. Psychologists describe ‘projection’ as one person projecting their feelings, desires and opinions onto others as a defense mechanism. Within a patriarchy, mediocre men project on women they encounter. Fast forward to a few months ago, I announced I was pregnant to a relative of my partner. He chimes in almost immediately with “Ha ha, how are you going to manage with that weight in the summer time?!” He may have seen it as a friendly dig, but I saw it as not only a limp fisted attempt at humor doused in misogyny. But also, I saw he was actually speaking about himself. I wanted to ask him how he manages with his huge beer belly in the summer heat, but settled for cutting off contact. I’ve been gifted with being skinny all my life. Even pregnant I resemble a watermelon thief with my skinny arms and swollen belly. I’ve had zero issues with any weight I’ve gained; every kilo is good for my baby. I’ve also grown up watching my mother and other people I love struggling with their weight, counting calories, fretting about what people think, taking abuse and being shamed for something that they feel helpless about. And usually by men who themselves looked like they were not many years away from heart attack. Why are women shamed by fat men for having weight? It's projection. Women naturally have bodies that hold more fat, which makes sense in terms of evolution. The male body is more muscular and from an evolutionary perspective isn’t supposed to be fat. Another major patriarchal projection? Slut shaming women. For an art project I researched how many English and German curse words there are for women. So far, I’ve collected around 50. Many of them are used to describe a woman as slutty, loose, easy or to insinuate she’s prostitute. The funny thing is, women aren’t the gender that actually acts slutty or loose. Men pay for sex; they need it more than women. Men want sex so bad they spike women‘s drinks and recently have even started injecting victims in nightclubs. Men harass and catcall women on the street. They sexually assault and rape girls and women regardless of age, clothing, or circumstance. Men make laws to force women to cover up because they can’t control themselves. Men have religions that cater to their sexual needs, giving him access to a wife, making it her duty to have sex and to have his babies. She is often bound by chastity, yet he is free to be the real slut. How many women have gone their whole lives without having an orgasm? Men strive to have sex, to be desirable. This is for most women, a given. We are mostly desired, pursued and offered sex. Who are the real sluts if men are always doing the pursuing? Regardless of what country or which time in history, the patriarchy is unable to escape one cold, hard, fact: a man will never have the intrinsic biological value a girl or woman naturally has. She is not loose or promiscuous, he is. The patriarchy thrives on lies and projections. Once you wake up to it you start to see it everywhere. And only then you can start the work of dismantling it.

This story reposted with edits by FDS ADMINS with permission from anonymous... About a year ago, I introduced my cousin to FDS. After some time riding a roller coaster of emotions when the rose colored glasses were knocked clean off her face, she wanted to do a little social experiment to see what kind of lies the men she knew would tell. She gathered a few of her female friends & family and had them download dating apps and set their location to areas where she knew local scrotes would be (she lives in a smallish European country). Then, she had them deliberately look for and match ONLY with men she knew as friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, exes, coworkers, etc. The messages between her friends and these scrotes were shared in a group chat. Ladies, let me tell you. EVERY. SINGLE. SCROTE. LIED. All of them. They ALL LIED to my cousin’s friends. They lied about their hobbies. The lied about their dating history. They outright lied about their line of work, or significantly exaggerated what they did. They lied to mirror their answers to whatever the women they were talking to said their background and interests were. A lot of men sent their phone numbers early into the conversation. My cousin texted the numbers from a VoIP phone number using random fake names to see if they would notice. For example, she would text something along the lines of. “Hey this is Bloom/ Ria/Fleur/ thanks for sharing your number. How are you?” One guy responded. “Hey there! Loved your profile!” They were all so fake!!! 'His mom does NOT have Alzheimer’s and does NOT live in a nursing home. She is elderly, but in good health, and lives at home with him and his dad, who is very much alive. ' Some of the men matched with more than one of her friends and copy and pasted the same messages between them. Most copied messages were obvious, but some appeared very genuine. One of the worst men copied an entire heartfelt paragraph to four different women after asking them the exact same seemingly deep questions about themselves. He then added: “I was born in Singapore but moved here when I was 14. I’m half Indian and half Persian and own a software dev business and also have a real estate company. I live by myself and also take care of mum (she has Alzheimer’s) for a few hours in the Nursing home every day. I’m looking for a long-term relationship with someone engaging and fun. I really value good conversations amazing physical chemistry and overall companionship.” He told another woman he was born in London and another that he was born in Indonesia. Further, he claimed that he got divorced two years ago because his wife left him for another man. Here is what we know about him in real life: His wife left him because he was an absolute d**k who beat her and cheated on her. It’s well known among the small community my cousin lives in. His dad started those businesses and still owns them. His mom does NOT have Alzheimer’s and does NOT live in a nursing home. She is elderly, but in good health, and lives at home with him and his dad, who is very much alive. I know some people think that FDS is harsh but after witnessing the results of this experiment, it’s really not. I knew men lied but I didn't know they lied about everything and anything unnecessarily! I'm never sleeping with another man unless we're in a committed relationship for 6 months and he's willing to get tested together. In fact, I'm happy never dating again & staying single.

We’ve all heard of dating terms like “negging” or “breadcrumbing”— but have you heard of backfooting? “Backfooting” is a manipulation tactic where a man accuses a woman of something bad to put her on the back foot, causing her to behave defensively and in a way that is beneficial to him to prove she is not like that. We coined this phrase in Part 2 of our interview with Lundy Bancroft (Part 1 here). While the term might be recent, the strategy itself is nothing new. In his book “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,” Bancroft describes a type of abuser whose possessiveness takes the form of sexual jealousy, and he constantly accuses his partner of cheating on him even though he has no evidence. His accusations cause her to police her own behavior and avoid situations where he might accuse her of cheating, such as being alone without him. The source of his sexual jealousy is not because he actually believes his own accusations (abusers usually don’t), but because he is possessive of her and wishes to isolate her. Possessiveness is not a sign of a man's love, it is a sign of his ownership. Isolation is a tactic often used by abusers to cut off the victim from her social connections, which give her strength. “Backfooting” is a strategy that is used not only by abusers, but also by ordinary low-quality men as well. For example, a broke man might accuse women of being “materialistic gold diggers,” and in an effort to prove she is not materialistic, she offers to pay for him, lowers her expectations, and stops asking as much from him. A lazy man might accuse his partner of “nagging” or being “too demanding,” and in an attempt to prove she’s not a nag, she becomes hesitant about asking him to do things, and starts letting more and more of his bad behavior slide. Low status men often complain about “career women” and “man-hating feminists” which causes women to downplay our achievements, shrink ourselves, and emotionally coddle men to prove that we don’t hate them. This occurs on both an individual level (between couples) as well as on a societal level— in both the mainstream media and the manosphere, women are frequently portrayed in a negative light, a form of patriarchal propaganda that causes women to bend over backwards trying to prove they’re “not like the other girls.” What’s so wrong with being “like other girls”? Most women are awesome. There is nothing wrong with having expectations of your male partner, and there is nothing wrong with having your own career and social life, no matter how much the low-to-negative-value segment of the male population tries to convince you otherwise. There is no point in trying to prove him wrong or to try and be a good “female ambassador”— you’re not going to be able to change his mind about you, or improve his overall low opinion of women. You cannot convince him otherwise, because his accusations are a reflection of himself, not you. Backfooting is like quicksand: the more you try to struggle against the accusation, the deeper you sink into his trap. Reject men’s labels of you. If a man makes a baseless accusation against you, or women in general, don't take it personally and do not try to prove him wrong. Block and delete his number. Or, if you are at a safe distance from him and you'd like to have some fun, you can always double down on whatever he's accusing you of.

I recently broke up with my longtime boyfriend. There were a lot of red flags, many examples of emotional and verbal abuse, and all-around problems I realized I could no longer move past. It was a six-year relationship that at some point I honestly thought would last forever. Now I'm glad it didn't. But this also leaves me with six years that, on some level, feel wasted. I spent six years putting up with a depressed alcoholic through his mood swings, often leveled at me. Six years of trying to put him back together when he fell apart and comfort him. Six years of him taking all that treatment for granted. Six years of not being allowed to have any issues or need support of my own, because the idea of my needing help triggered his panic response and it would fall on me to comfort him. I'm now left with the challenge of finding out what kind of woman I am, if not his "rock." How did things get so bad, you ask? By the time I saw his shortcomings, I was already attached. And I won't pretend I am blameless here. I fully own my codependent tendencies and the need to work through them. But I also realize my codependency is part of what made it so hard to walk away before. The best thing to do here is learn from what happened. The key is to know what to look for early in a relationship so this situation never happens again. But how can you spot an abuser before the abuse happens? Instead of waiting for the "last straw," look for a "first straw." I guess the first straw was during our first date. It took place at a bar near my apartment. He drove to me, he paid the bill, we spent six hours talking and enjoying ourselves before the bar closed. Most of that sounds good, right? Not quite. For one thing, I wouldn't recommend a bar for a first date anymore, especially if you end up sitting there for six hours. And while neither of us had more than two drinks, it did set a precedent of most subsequent dates surrounding alcohol in some way. A lot of personal talk comes out with long dates and alcohol, and he went in detail about his late wife and the abusive girlfriend he had before her. There was a lot of information meant to trigger my "fix-it" instinct, to comfort him and make everything better. He topped it all off with a, "do you understand why I drink so much? With all these problems?" and laughed it off. But the first serious straw came four months in, when I had a medical issue that in hindsight was pretty minor. I was worried at the time, and I texted him to let him know what was up. Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of reminding him of a similar issue that his late wife had years before. He didn't want to deal with it, so he shut down. Didn't want to see or talk to me until it was resolved, and was close to ending things completely. He relented the next day after I sufficiently panicked, and we agreed to meet up a few days later. He showed up at my place, in the morning, drunk off his ass. Wouldn't shut up about his self-pity or all the traumas that led to it. I was in denial about the booze and manipulation, and made him breakfast and cuddled him until he sobered up. Another precedent set. From then on, he was the one who always needed support and it was on me to provide it. Clarity comes in hindsight, and I see these situations for what they are now much better than when I was in the middle of them. Red flags are more visible without the rose-colored glasses. Because of this, I've been able to add to my list of personal red flags, and identify potential problems to spot when vetting. Keep a critical eye, and you'll never fall for the same trap twice. What are some of your "first straws" from exes?

On the FDS subreddit, we gave men the opportunity to discuss their value to women. The purpose of the question was to get some sense as to what kinds of things men work on to make themselves valuable partners.. I expected this to be a straightforward question; all men had to do was tell us all the positive traits about themselves that a woman would find attractive. Easy, right? NOPE! Turns out they have no clue ladies (*cries inside*)! Take a gander at the comments for proof (especially the collapsed comments): https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e8vehu/open_qa_thread_for_men_of_what_use_is_a_man_to_a/ I was honestly SHOCKED to find it wasn’t simple to answer. Truly. A lot of men have clearly never in their life thought about what value they actually have to offer a woman. Let’s first consider that if you ask a selection of women what our value to men is, we can usually break ourselves down to a science: Physical: “I have big boobs/pretty face/fat ass/“ Emotional: “I’m supportive/good listener/take interest in his hobbies...” Community: “I take care of my grandma, volunteer at the animal shelter” Sexual: “I’ve practiced ___ sexual act or wear this because my SO likes it” Domestic: “I keep a clean home, I remember birthdays” ....etc!! Notice how all of the items listed are tangible and concrete examples of what women do (or possess) that bring value to men and to our communities. We have been groomed to be of value to men and to see ourselves in relation to how we benefit men from DAY ONE! But men. Men have no goddamn idea what their value is to us and it’s sending me right now. The post attracted hundreds of comments, and the vast majority of men could not complete the exercise. The comments overwhelmingly fell into these disappointing tropes: Men use the fact that we deal with them at all as evidence they have value. It's complete tautology that boils down to “we have value because you value us” Very few men had concrete and tangible things to describe to us other than sex (which most of them actually suck at! Ha!) Men attempted to reverse the question to ask us our value as women. So basically they refused to answer. Men pointed to things other men have built as evidence of their value even though they had nothing to do with it! It was very frustrating to read comment after comment of men having absolutely no clue why women should even be bothered with them. Well if you don’t know, homies and gents, then we here at FDS don’t EITHER!!! If it were not for the few men who demonstrated bare minimum self awareness, I would have closed the thread. But even these brave souls were limited in their ability to provide concrete answers. The most helpful answers we got out of hundreds boiled down to: Protect us from even shittier men Financial contributions Odd Jobs around the house True Friendship and support (which is rare) This discussion was eye-opening, in that It confirms to me that most men get women coasting on the groundwork of patriarchy, which has historically disenfranchised women (legally, socially, economically, etc) so severely so that we are literally forced to seek value through men. Men use emotional abuse tactics designed to undermine our self worth to the point that we would look at any raggedy scrap of man as better than nothing, and then convince ourselves we can do without. We convince ourselves we don’t need to orgasm every time. We convince ourselves situationships are good enough. We convince ourselves we’re happy. All because now we have a man. This is how much of the manosphere "RedPill", "Game" and "Seduction" tactics are able to exploit unsuspecting women, they work to convince us that we need them despite literally providing nothing. This is quite possibly the greatest swindle of all time. Men’s inability to articulate any concrete benefits to being with them is a large part of why FDS does not advocate monogamy unless you are headed toward marriage. There is usually very little tangible reward other than a vague feeling of false relief at being “validated” because a man committed to you, a man who may very well be completely worthless and a drain on your time and energy. You have a finite fertility window and a finite amount of time on this earth; don’t waste a second on men who do not actively make you ecstatically, blissfully, happy 90% of the time. Ladies, look at any man who approaches you with a ruthlessly discerning eye, because if he is not actively contributing to your life, he is quite literally robbing you via opportunity cost. You win literally nothing by tying yourselves to the vast majority of men but the ability to say you were chosen. This is the definition of playing a stupid game and winning a stupid prize. And honestly, they think you’re stupid for dealing with them because even they have no idea why you bother.

One of the most pervasive and harmful myths perpetuated in our dating culture is the myth of the magical "Dream Woman". The Dream Woman suddenly flutters into a man's life and her mere presence has such an effect on him he fixes all his character flaws and repents his fuckboy ways. The Dream Woman's hair and makeup is so perfect, her presence so captivating, that it elevates this lowly scrote to a respectable, emotionally available gentleman, the envy of all girlfriends past. Please. PSA: There’s No “Dream Woman” Out There Who Will Magically Make Your Trifling Man Act Right The not-so-subtle subtext that men reinforce with this myth, is that if his exes were "enough" like she was, he would have treated them to all the better things in life they begged for, that he now so willingly bestows upon his new lady. It's important to recognize the game being played is to make you jump through hoops to be a “Dream woman” for a man who’s not even acting like a Dream man. Men proclaiming “I’ll straighten up for the right woman” is 98% conjecture. They are not practiced at being good men, how would they be able to figure it out all of the sudden? 98% of them don’t change that much - even for women they so called love. Even with the best of intentions leopards can’t often change their spots. Internal change takes years of deliberate work and practice. If he’s practicing not being shit, then that’s what he’s good at. He won’t be consistent at being a good man if he’s not practiced. Do something often enough and it becomes habit; and habits become your character. Some of you will bring up how your ex “married the next girl after you” or "is constantly on instagram with his new bae" as proof this isn’t true, but you’re ALSO wrong. Fuckboys who treat their new girlfriends to all the things you wanted but never got do so because they're desperately trying to prove you were the problem all along. Recognize it for the manipulative tactic that it is, and don't take it personally. What better way to never take responsibility for their actions than to conspicuously lavish a brand new woman with all the praise they were too arrogant, stubborn, unconcerned, or comfortable to give you? That way they can alleviate themselves of their guilt at being an ass with the simultaneous effect of emotionally breaking you down. It's easier to blame you and pedestalize the new woman than admit failure or reconcile themselves with the fact that they were the bad guy in the situation, because everyone wants to see themselves as the hero and not the villain. Even if he does these things temporarily for a girl he’ll be looking for an angle to get her to accept less as quickly as possible. Wine & Dine upfront and the Netflix and Chill for the rest of the relationship - just like he did to you. He’ll constantly scan the temperature and pick at her boundaries until he can talk her down to the real bare minimum. So what if she got a ring? She’s in for a lifetime of struggle. These same exes will be back in your DMs 6 months after the wedding talking about how they miss you. Plenty of guys are in marriages with women they’re not that committed to and who they aren’t actually treating that well. Plenty of men are in marriages they ARE committed to but then destroy because they have not learned to consistently control their toxic behavior. He’s still got the same character flaws with the next woman. Don't internalize men’s behavior as a reflection of yourselves.

Are we not allowed to be creeped out by creepy dudes now? When did we all decide people’s sexual preferences were separate from their actual values? There was an interesting discussion recently on r/TwoXSex about kink shaming: https://www.reveddit.com/v/TwoXSex/comments/gi17vr/can_we_talk_about_the_normalization_and/ It was in response to a post where a woman was bothered by her boyfriend calling her “slut” and “whore” during sex. They framed the whole thing as an issue of incompatibility, but didn’t want to “kink shame” him for his sexual preferences. Um, WTF? Why shouldn’t we kink shame him? Aren’t his kinks reflective of who he is as a person and his values? At what point can we say “this man is a sexist monster”? Shouldn’t it really be the first time he suggests he wants to call you a whore? For example, If I’m with some white guy and he wants to call me racial slurs during sex, I’m going to go ahead and assume he’s a racist. Likewise, if some man is turned on by calling me misogynist slurs, I’m going to assume he’s a misogynist. It’s not just a matter of “leave if you don’t want to participate and are incompatible” - it’s a matter of these impulses being pretty fucked up inherently and reflective of deeper issues with that person. Even if he’s a “nice guy” otherwise, I’m judging the kink as who he truly is and how he truly feels, not the public civility mask he’s trying to show me. People hide their true feelings beneath polite social veneers all the time, often to virtue signal and/or disarm people they intend to prey upon. Why should any woman, ever, not be EXTREMELY alarmed at a man who openly wants to degrade her sexually? If his desire to reenact degrading sex is so ingrained he can’t separate his sexuality from it, that’s who he is at his core and that’s where his actual values lie. The kinksters won’t just agree to disagree and settle into “yeah it’s problematic but I like it” , they aggressively are trying to break women’s boundaries down and say we’re crazy, regressive, antifeminist, and judgmental for thinking these behaviors and impulses are abhorrent. They insist the behavior men are displaying is not *really* what he means and it’s not a red flag. This feels like gaslighting. Women have a right to find kink completely repulsive and freely express they find that person repulsive. Don't let anybody waive away all the problematic elements of their sexual preferences and and absolve themselves from them by calling it “kink”. His kink is the real him. Judge the f**k out of it at face value.

Why doesn’t FDS Focus on improving looks? Every woman has been bombarded with images and messages about her body since birth. We know we don’t have to tell our subbies they need to groom themselves everyday, like the men seem to need to be told. There are thousands of webpages dedicated to finding and fixing the most minuscule of physical flaws you can imagine, there’s no need to waste space on it here. And Quite frankly, improving various aspects of your physical appearance is very much besides the point of using FDS. We don’t want to help you get into the practice of self loathing and never ending body criticism because it will hinder your level up progress. So, Do looks matter for attracting a HVM? Yes and no. Looking better and getting healthier effects your self esteem, which in turn will help you attract a HVM. But unfortunately, No matter how beautiful you look, the majority of men will still be and act like trash. Changing your look may increase the quantity of men who are interested, but it will never effect the quality of men. So what if you go all out to make yourself more attractive? Plastic Surgery? Expensive Extentions? Photoshop and Makeup Sorcery? Well now you’ll have a bigger pool of shitty men to wade through, congratulations! And it’ll be full of men who are just as controlling, obsessive, entitled, disrespectful, violent and who have even more nefarious and covert motives as it was when you looked less conventionally attractive. Sis, some of the most beautiful women in the world have experienced horrific abuse at the hands of men. Halle Berry, Nigella Lawson, Christina Applegate, Reese Witherspoon, Rihanna, are struggling with the same issues with men that you’re struggling with. Chasing body perfection to rid yourself of the effects of cultural misogyny will never work. No woman on earth gets to be exempt from this. So we don’t focus on looks because fixing the external appearance will never fix your problems with men. It will help you get more physically attractive men, if that is what you want, but it will say nothing of their character. A man’s attractiveness or lack there of does not indicate what his behavior will be at all. Ugly and poor men cheat, use, and abuse women just the same as rich handsome ones. That ugly you guy you thought you were doing a favor can and will treat you worse than the man you thought was out of your league. It’s an utter crapshoot. Which is why, we primarily focus on learning to value oneself at whatever position you are currently at in life and how to ruthlessly and unapologetically weed out men based on their behavior. You could make all sorts of exceptions and compromises to get that man you think is oh-so-perfect only for him to utterly destroy your life and self esteem in ways that could take you years to recover. You could sacrifice your needs to support that struggling depressed man who just needs a little help and he will leave you for someone else when he recovers just the same. Don’t focus on what he has or doesn’t have to decide how you will treat yourself. Becoming a high value woman is not about what you look like, or what job you have, etc. It’s all about consistently practicing behaviors that demonstrate and increase your love and respect for yourself, whatever that is for you. If wearing makeup makes you feel like a warrior putting on her warpaint, then wear it. If you feel like a silly clown with it on and feel there are more interesting things to do, then don’t. Discover what it means to be beautiful to yourself, and that is all you will ever need!

Look at this dummy. The liiiiies he will tell. Have you ever wondered where men get their confidence from? Even the broke, ugly, & dusty ones have the audacity to behave like they’re a prize to be won. And, oddly, those with the least to feel confident about are a lot of times the loudest and most aggressive. For a long time, the existence of their outsized egos confused the hell out of me. That is, until I learned something very important about masculinity: Men speak what they want into existence - no matter what they have going on in life! Men survive on their ability to Cap. And Cap they do. OMG the lies they tell. Once they have crafted their lie, they live as if it were true until they can find some woman they can scare, intimidate, and/or bully into accepting it. The more desperate they are, the more intense the lie and intimidation. That’s it. That’s the game. Lie like Pinocchio until someone believes in you enough to make you a real boy. It’s not magic. It’s not superior cunning. It’s sheer stubbornness, self importance, narcissism, stupidity, and physical intimidation. All men have in life is the Audacity. It doesn’t matter if any of the shit he says is true or not or even if he really believes it - they just have to get a woman -or a few - to believe in their bullshit to make it real. And when or if it doesn’t work? They cut and run to find another target or they pick a hill to die on. Their entire self identity is crafted from nothing but belief in their own desire and sense of will. This is why repeated failure makes men homicidal and/or suicidal. This is why that crazy guy on the street cursed you out when you turned him down for a date. This is why that guy you thought you were vibing with suddenly disappeared. This is why your ex is on Instagram pretending he’s pulling women left and right when he’s really at the club begging girls for pictures. You threatened their already fragile self identity in some fundamental way. When your identity is based on nothing, it feels like you’re constantly being threatened. Why do they do this? They’re males, sis. This is what males are at their core, and this is what they do. They beat their chests and act like they’re something they’re not and bigger than they actually are. Just look at our primate cousins for proof: They ought to call this “Males Capping in The Wild.” Men are expert manifesters in this respect. They’ll talk all about how they only date 10s all day while going home each night to sit in their basement eating Cheetos. Then they eventually stumble upon a woman with weak enough self identity to believe it. He convinces her how lucky she is that he’s considering dating her, since he only dates 10s usually (*wink*wink), knowing damn well he hasn’t seen a single woman naked in years. A woman who does not have a narrative for her life mapped out will be easily disrupted by the plethora of males with a more vivid narrative than hers, who are more practiced at maintaining it in varying situations. This is what people mean when they say you need to work on yourself or “you teach people how to treat you” A woman with strong boundaries has created a narrative for her own life so vivid and secure that it is impenetrable to lies. She may not know if what he’s claiming is true or not, all she knows is he does not fit her vision for her life, and that is enough. She won’t manifest his lie into reality. You’re the one who gets to choose to make him real or not. You can leave Pinocchio as a puppet or turn him into a real boy. You have the power.

1. Ugly men will treat you better because they’ll be so grateful to have female attention 2. Older men are more mature and better in bed 3. If you’re really a bad bitch then men won’t treat you badly. If you’re attracting bums it’s your fault 4. You should always pay your own way on dates because he’ll be impressed you’re an independent woman who don’t need no man and it’s the only way to establish an equal relationship and gain a man’s respect. 5. Bringing up the fact that you’re looking for a committed relationship early will scare him away so it’s better to play it cool 6. A man should be able to expect sex after the third date 7. Women of his own race are too demanding and feminist and masculine and that’s why he has to date outside of his race 8. It doesn’t matter when you have sex with a man, if he likes you he’ll treat you the same 9. Men like variety so it’s okay if he has a wandering eye or flirts with other women, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect you 10. Slutty girls never get good guys. Only perfect women get good men. 11. If you don’t have sex right away with a HVM you’ll lose him because what you won’t do another girl will 12. Losing your virginity is a magical experience that will change your life forever 13. Attractive men are all cads and womanizers so it’s better to focus on nerdy shy guys 14. Women are naturally monogamous, only men need variety 15. No man is perfect, you have to work hard to help him reach his potential 16. Don’t take it personally if a man doesn’t want to add you to his social media, some guys just like privacy 17. A lot of good men are “intimidated” by a successful woman so you should always make sure to downplay your accomplishments 18. Focusing on your education over your relationship is stupid because your degrees won’t keep you warm at night 19. Most guys know their girlfriend has a sexual past so it’s okay to discuss it with him in a relationship 20. Having sex without a condom is more intimate and means he trusts you 21. Telling a guy about your sexual trauma will bring you closer together 22. It’s normal not to orgasm during sex 23. You can learn to love a guy you’re not attracted to 24. You have to give guys a chance 25. You don’t need titles because What’s understood doesn’t have to be explained 26. You have to be patient and supportive with a man who says “let’s see where this goes” because he probably had his heart broken in the past and needs you to be understanding. 27. Men are most loyal to the woman who loves him for who he is even when he’s struggling 28. If a man has a wandering eye it’s because you’re not taking care of things at home 29. Men need porn because they’re more visual and sexual than women. 30. Porn is harmless and doesn’t effect how a man feels about you or your relationship or his sexual performance 31. If you want to keep a man you have to show him you’re a ride or die woman 32. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach 33. Size doesn’t matter 34. If you’re dating more than one guy at a time you’ll get a “reputation” so you have to focus on one 35. Men in professional high paying careers are more mature/less fuckbois 36. Virginity is something special that should be saved for your husband 37. If a man tries hard to get back together after a breakup it’s because he’s changed and you were truly were meant to be

So we made the front page of The Verge! I suspect we will have a lot of new readers soon, and let me first extend a friendly hello to all the Newbies! I attempted to respond to each point that Erin made with links to our literature pointing out the flaws and contradictions in her assertions about FDS, but quite frankly, the article is all over the place, conflating so many different ideas and so poorly written that direct response would end up being extensive and similarly nonsensical. Instead, I'd like to instead address the overall premise of the article that FDS is oppressive to women's autonomy and the flaws of "choice" feminism. I invite people to form their own assessments of the site based on our actual ideology, and not a poorly constructed surface level Liberal Feminist hack job of an article. In particular, I will address this passage: >The site also echoes a brand of anti-porn feminism that reaches back to the 1970s and 1980s’ Feminist Sex Wars. Sex-positive feminists argued for, as author Gayle Rubin put it, the “decriminalization of sexuality and for all consenting persons to do what they wished sexually.” Their opponents argued that porn, BDSM, and sex work were inherently oppressive and degrading to women. But by denying women autonomy over their bodies and sexual choices, they often ended up dehumanizing women who didn’t live up to their moral standards. What Erin fails to understand is that the reason FDS has resonated with so many women is precisely because it is a sound rejection and response to "choice" feminism being heavily and uncritically promoted by mainstream media, much like Erin does in her article. “Choice” feminism (i.e. Liberal Feminism) does women a disservice because it claims BDSM, Sex Work, and Porn as empowering and inherently feminist choices with almost absolutely no context. Under what circumstances is it empowering and feminist? To what extent are these things freely given and to what extent are they coerced by men influencing society (especially through porn) in ways so that women feel they have little choice to do it? Is it actually empowering for women to be reenacting their sexual trauma in front of the male gaze? There’s plenty of women who are using kink and sex work to self abuse and really need to go to a therapist instead of another BDSM party. We are not taking away women's autonomy, as much as we are pointing out that your choices within a capitalist patriarchy are not truly autonomous, and that there are many economic, social, legal, political forces (primarily orchestrated by men) to coerce you into doing things against your benefit under the guise of feminism. And what we're seeing in the real world, outside the bubble of liberal feminist ideology, is severe physical, emotional, and social consequences to engaging in this behavior, as well as raging pushback from men on our attempts to set boundaries. The ENTIRE reason interest in FDS grew at an exponential rate is because men were outraged at our assertions that: 1) we deserve better treatment, 2) that we are entitled to take as much time as we want to assess them as sexual partners, 3) that we want to set boundaries on porn use, 4) that we are entitled to make value judgments on their sexual habits, and 5) They're not entitled to our endless understanding and emotional labor without tangible reciprocity, They were SO outraged, they rage posted our content all over the internet. FDS was primarily spread by men who were psychotically angry that women would dare set limits on their sexual access. Thanks, haters! Calling us "socially conservative" is laughable, when at our very core we are challenging the status quo, which overwhelmingly benefits men at our expense. *This is why the scrotes are hopping mad about the existence of this site*, something Erin seems have wholly missed in her rush to label us as regressives.

One of the more insidious ways that women are inadvertently manipulated into unfulfilling one sided relationships is by social grooming that grossly misrepresents the ability and motivations of the average man. Feminists have been saying men are just like us. The effect is that women get into relationships believing they can reason, negotiate, or emotionally appeal to men to recognize our humanity, in the same manner we would with other women. We give them the benefit of the doubt vastly more often than they deserve. We search ourselves for flaws that may contribute to the reaction. We try to be “evolved”, “open minded” and “reasonable” even in the face of direct disrespect and against our better intuition. We engage in sex with them with an expectation of mutual reciprocity and expect them to be honest about their intentions. After all, if men are just like us, why would they intentionally be cruel and selfish without motivation? TradCons have been saying men are better than us. Which causes women to vastly underestimate their power and ability. Men make it their business to absolutely devalue anything and everything women contribute that doesn’t directly benefit them. They scare us with cat lady tales. They endlessly pontificate and perform “research” about us to prove women are inferior or incapable. And if all else fails, they tell us their superiority was ordained by a divine being. And wouldn’t you know, all the roles women are best suited for based on their “research” and/or “divine inspiration” are those which encourage our dependence on them, increase our sexual availability, and discourage our autonomy? How convenient. Of course, both of these groups are wrong. The unflinching truth is that Men are depraved and self serving in ways that’s actually hard to conceptualize as women. You can’t reason with a population who never had the intention of engaging with you in good faith to begin with. They are not and perhaps never will be as evolved, thoughtful, or considerate of women as whole as feminists want to believe, nor are they as intelligent or innovative or irreplaceable as TradCons want you to believe. Men are also not as ignorant to the effects of their abhorrent behavior toward women as either of these groups want you to believe. They just don’t care. Men do what they want, and justify it later through controlled manipulation of a narrative. Which they then force us to participate in via gaslighting, fear mongering, concern trolling, social, legal or economic isolation, or outright threats. The tools we have to fight them, which is reproductive freedom and the ability to have accurate and honest conversations about their behavior, are constantly under attack. What’s great about FDS is we try to adjust expectations of men down to reality. Unfortunately, they’re consistently worse than we have been led to believe, which is why so many of us end up abused, manipulated, exploited, and disappointed. And the closer we describe that reality on this sub, the m ore unhinged and vitriolic men become. A byproduct of the adjusted expectations is that women start to view men in their proper lens: base, childlike, and quite honestly mostly useless. And even more are wholly uninterested or unable to see your humanity, but as a resource to be consumed. They are not at all self motivated as a group to be humane to women for its own sake, only for its perceived personal benefit. Which of course they don’t want you to know, because why would women put up with their crap? They need us to believe in their lies during our childbearing years, and then when we’re old enough to see them for what they are they can dismiss us as “bitter old hags”. They need to use the state to cripple us legally, economically, and socially otherwise we would find out how truly unimpressive they are. A truth that is becoming ever more evident as they lose the ability to exert absolute control on the narrative. Patriarchy is gaslighting women into believing most of male behavior is our fault. From the moment Eve ate forbidden fruit from the tree, men have been blaming us for their fucked up nonsense. We didn’t raise them right. We pick the wrong guys. We don’t communicate enough. We’re not submissive enough. We’re not pretty enough. We’re not assertive enough etc etc. Everything is about trying to distract us from what they are and make them our burden to bear. With this in mind, The MOST important message of FDS is this: WE DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. We DON’T have to put up with 1 SECOND OF THEIR CRAP. LET THEM FAIL. They’re SUPPOSED to FAIL. Your continued benevolence will NOT teach them empathy. Men respond to FORCE and CONSEQUENCE. Don’t fix them, don’t try to, don’t try to change yourself for them, and rarely try and help them. If they fail to meet your expectations, they hit the bench or the chopping block. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for nor are you obligated to tolerate the behavior of men. Do NOT allow men to leech from you from cradle to grave. Do NOT allow them to convince you to give them anything of value for free. Exercise ruthless mate choice like you and your future children’s life depends on it, because it does.