Am I wrong in thinking most relationships with men just demand too much time and attention?

Perhaps unrelated but, I noticed in my experience how older the men more often they bring up 'what do you bring to the table" conversation. Like shut up dude. The fact that I am considering your table IS what I bring to it. You should jump hoops to get the attention of the woman you want not the other way around. Usually lazy and men who see only utilitarian value in a relationships want XYZ from their partners. Don't buy this turning tables. (haha too many use of tables). Don't do shit and in fact watch how hard they try for a bit of attention from you

When the fog of patriarchy lifts and we begin asking ourselves what the men in our lives add to our lives, the sound of tumbleweed is heard. Once I started applying an FDS lens to my relationships with men (and women, but that's another time), it was SOOOO clear that except for one gay friend, literally every single man in my life was work. They bring nothing to my life yet add work for me. Once you see it like you have, you can't unsee it

There comes an age when you truly realize your time on this Earth is finite and you don't want to waste any precious second of it. Unlike your early 20s where you feel like you are indestructible and have all the time in the world. I've wasted enough of my youth on scrotes, toxic friends and insufferable family members. I'm at a place where I heavily reduce interactions with (and also completely cut off, although I'm still working on that) people who don't add anything to my life. I refuse to become someone's personal free therapist, career coach or household manager. As a teenager, I was extremely independent and enjoyed being alone. In early adulthood however, I became too dependent on the men I was with, which led to decreased autonomy and increased anxiety, which in turn makes it harder to be alone. I had to re-learn and re-discover it after I finally got rid of my LV ex. But luckily no one can take away our instincts, self-preservation skills and self-respect, even if it has been buried for a while. I'm becoming more and more like myself again every day. My current boyfriend actually makes my life more pleasant and comfortable in tangible ways, that's why I'm keeping him. But if the relationship starts to feel like hard work, I'd rather be single. After being in a struggle love type situation myself for so long, I see it everywhere in couples I know and I'm so repulsed by it. There's nothing romantic or heroic about it, it just eats at you until you wither away.

I agreed with you until you used the word "cis." That term implies that women "identify" with the stereotypes attached to the female sex. I'm a womam, and no amount of identifying can change that biological fact.

Queen shit 🙌 I feel you! I feel the same way in my late 30s. I spent 10 years straight dating one scrote after another, even living with 2 of them, all because I bought into the patriarchal bullshit that I would be old and alone if I didn’t find a man early. My exes were either takers, users, abusers, or gray r*pists or some combination of the above. Extremely draining and affected my mental and physical health. The men I’ve met haven’t impressed me much either. And my friends’ husbands and boyfriends neglect them, are lazy, don’t pull their weight with childcare or housework despite the wife working, controlling, misogynistic or made them forever girlfriends. My last relationship ended over a year ago with an abuser. I stopped dating. I still enjoy flirting and I think I would like companionship without living with them, with a HVM. Otherwise, I’m content to remain single and happy the rest of my life.

what an absolute queen! i'm in my thirties, never married, never will. this is exactly how i feel! i'm het, unfortunately, and i do sometimes wish i had a boyfriend or something. so i'd be okay with that. but i won't move in with him, i won't get married nor have kids with him. he'll have his life, i'll have mine, and we'll share a chunk of our lives together. that's it. you are absolute right, men are work and also danger and trouble. all men who i got envolved with never gave me nearly as much as i gave them. and they took away my mental health, my piece of mind, my self esteem. definitely not worth it.

I think people are desperate to validate their existence. Ticking off milestone boxes keeps them from feeling like their life is meaningless. School, marriage, kids, prepping for retirement and death etc. It's easier to do paint by numbers and have a distraction from true self reflection. We've been sold this lie that you're not as valuable unless someone chooses you.

But the more scrotes bitch and complain about the "problem with modern women", I know more women are waking up that not buying this garbage fairytale narrative anymore!

Sorry, while I agree with you, I can't agree with cis-het. Het would have been enough. Please don't force trans ideology words here. It should be a safe space from that craziness.

oh for sure. personally speaking, half my time on OLD i bored-swipe and use bare minimum effort while deleting anyone who tries to bare-ass their way into time with me. the rest of the time i spend ignoring all the convos awaiting my response because it gets exhausting pretending to care when they eventually turn into duds at the end.

This is why I've never wanted to be anyone's girlfriend. Even if a guy has said they don't expect their partner to do wifely/girlfriend typical duties, they still lowkey expect it and often use it as a point of dumping women. Which is fair game for both partners but if someone looks at me and thinks I'm going to be mini-mommy/emotional dumping grounds, I just can't do that. I am not a therapist, I am not a mom nor am I looking to be one, I am a individual with my own opinions, behaviors and experiences. Which is sad cause I LOVE spoiling my favorite persons (or just my dogs now). I love sharing food, giving gifts, cheering up- most humans have not deserved that from me because when I do that for them they end up doing me dirty. I especially dislike how a woman is judged if we can't have "deep" conversations with a man per their own judgement, that must mean we are dumb or can't talk about deep emotion. The last time I did a guy treated me like shit for bringing particularly a mature topic up, but later he tried talking to me about his deep rooted scrote issues and got mad when I dished the rejection back.

When my mum told me that men are a waste of my time, I listened carefully. Yet, I got rejected by a guy who was higher value than most. I lost all faith. It was then I realised only at 24 that time is also a currency. You know how you budget your money? I applied the same damn strategies. Result? Same guy now moved continents to be just ‘around’ me.

Another guy was given an opportunity by my friend in college to ask me out. He never did that, and I rejected him when eventually he did it. As a result he moved to my country as well. Do I speak to him? No. Both of them respect my boundaries and we all can be friends where I don’t speak to them anymore but they’d sing praises in my name. How do I know? I got ringed by someone at JPMC and Rolls Royce type companies to work in a specialist sort of role because a guy recommended me highly. Do I take it up, again no. I use the great networking though to get to a place where I join a role on my own terms.

Basically, your time & your boundaries. Men cross borders/oceans for that. As I had the privilege to work in a better environment than is usual, I ended up meeting my life partner through work. Were my chances slim when people came to know some people moved countries for me & I REJECT men. No. Last and final part, say No more often than you can. Of all the time I could have given up on a dream to settle because guys were chasing after me would have been the worst. An hour is all they’d get in a week. Impress me or forget me.

This is goals.