Do we really want to get married?

I fully agree. I am making good money, living happily with my parents, and enjoying my freedom. 3-4 work days per week, after work, I go to the gym. I take a class or two, do some strength or cardio for an hour, then chill in the steam room/ sauna/ jacuzzi for 30 minutes then shower then don’t come home until 8 pm. I save most of what I make. On the weekend I do little outings and go to church and gym and am now in school. I save 70% or 80% of what I make. I have no debt. I bought my car cash. I am terrified of ruining this arrangement.

nope and i'm honestly happy and satisfied if i never find my HVP either. doesn't look like i'm missing out on much.

I agree. I've been single for 3 years after some horrible relationships and a marriage, and only half heartedly attempted dating because I knew deep down that another relationship or marriage would not be beneficial to me. After finding FDS, and giving myself permission to reflect on the quality of men available and how they negatively impact our lives, I've realised that marriage is not worth it for me or for most women. Maybe there are some women out there for whom it is the best choice due to their unique personalities and circumstances- but it's not worth hinging your life on as HVM are so rare and finding one is a chance event. And, it's a massive risk, as even a marriage with a HVM can end up backfiring. I've fully realised my life path now as a single mother by choice and I'm embracing it (single mother by divorce for my 1st child, sperm donor for my 2nd)!!

My opinion is that marriage doesn't make sense in the modern world because it no longer has a purpose. Its purpose was- for millennia- to benefit men by controlling women's sexuality and reproduction to ensure the paternity of children for inheritance. With paternity testing this core purpose is irrelevant. However men still benefit way more from marriage than women- they become happier while women become less happy. They get guaranteed sex, a household servant, emotional labour, someone to bear his children, while women get... potentially more financial security? That becomes less important as women are now allowed to work and become financially independent. Women can also easily get sex and companionship without marriage, if they want it, and have children via sperm donor. Where is the incentive for women to get married? I think marriage is dying and will continue to do so.

I never felt like wanting to get married. The idea might seem romantic, sure, but in general I don't think I would gain anything from marriage. One of my biggest pet peeves is that women are set up to be the ones pining for marriage, hinting at their boyfriends if not outright dragging them to the altar, when it should be men who fight tooth and nail for a chance to marry us. It's riskier and less beneficial to us by default, so a man needs to prove that he is truly worth it and can make up for the inherent inequality. I won't bring up marriage and will stay independent until a man makes me an offer I cannot refuse, so to speak. I highly doubt this will happen though. And that's fine.

I absolutely do not want to get married again, solely due to the legal and financial implications. I'm a single mom in the tail end of a year long separation. In my state, you need to be separated for a year before filing for divorce. During that year, your spouse can do whatever they want financially, and it might come back on you (unless you fight it out in court). You can't *technically* sleep with anyone because adultery is considered illegal. You are not able to claim your maiden name. You're not able to say "EX" husband in a fully truthful sense. It's been nothing but a state of emotional, financial, mental, and sexual purgatory. I will never sign up for this again. Would I love to find a life partner and be committed to them? Yes. Am I willing to be legally tethered to someone after we part ways for an entire year+ because our regulators made up some sexist laws a hundred years ago? No. Am I willing to have all of my assets transferred to my spouse in the event of my untimely death instead of my daughter (even with the understanding that wills offer protections for her)? Absolutely not. This is where I make an exception to the "never a forever girlfriend" rule. Sign me up for that shit.

I dunno. I'm engaged and kinda feel that way. I think a part of me always wanted one foot out of the door in case something drastically changes and I'd say my partner is pretty hv. But I don't want children so I don't really see it as that important. It wasn't until the last two years I even entertained the thought of marriage. I am excited to get married though but definitely see why women would avoid it. We won't ever be combining finances though.

Sometimes I feel like that too! I’ll just get really pessimistic. you might never find a hvm , but I think that’s fine. I wouldn’t dwell too much on there being too much competition because he’s not going to be compatible with every woman he meets. Sometimes relationships end for reasons like you said so I think even a man is hv he may get divorced or go through a break up, then you have a hvm back on the market.

also I think This is more rare, but some men that are more medium value can level up. We level up, I think some men can level up too. however, im more of an optimistic but still realistic when it come dating and relationships

Yea its exactly how i feel. Plus i dont even want kids, and fear joining finances/assets w men. My ideal dating life now would for me to get a house solo, and date freely whenever and dump the guy when things are not working out after trying enough or when interest is lost. Its quite wild thinking people can be interested/in love with each other for as long as they lived (what’s been brainwashed to us) but in reality i’ve never really seen any couple like this. Plus tbh men are so boring?? I’m bisexual and honesty been super turned off by men during dates (so 1 dimensional yikes and mostly quite sexist i tend to bring up feminist topics casually and boy i end the date early) recently and really enjoyed dating females instead.

Having a BF can feel like marriage without the legal rights, though.

I’m happy single, myself. I think the FDS approach is flexible enough to include women who just want to date casually (a scrotation), and women who are seriously looking. I do agree with not giving wife benefits for girlfriend prices. If you’re moving in together and playing house for him, you should have some legal protection in place. But otherwise… not really necessary.

Yes. If my marriage (2nd) were to end (either due to divorce or death), I’d do it once more. Marriage has been pretty great for me as a whole. I’ve chosen well (so far, knocking on wood), and I like the institution of marriage as a whole.

Tbh I feel like I’m still holding on hope to meer a great guy and have a wonderful marriage. I have seen gems out there 🥹

Yes, I would enjoy having a partner and would enjoy raising children. I would ideally not want to raise children by myself, but in case my HVM died or left me, I do have his family or mine to cover down. I am here to learn how to date right and not date as a try out for a man. The strategy means setting myself up for worst case scenario because my partner does provide me with what makes me happy that I consider the low risk of having to resort to a backup plan worth it. Also your SO should know within months if you are the kind of woman he wants to marry and be with forever. A normal man would propose within a year if he wanted to keep a woman that was also wanting marriage. Not planning for that within a year would be a red flag unless you both had an exceptional agreement that you would never get married. But when they die, you couldn’t access their money to pay for bills or other necessities. And if they’re the person you’d want by your side in an emergency, you’d legally need a marriage. Besides an exceptional case, why waste time on a man you wouldn’t want by your side? There’s billions of men, yeah at least one of them can be good enough for you and make you happy. If you don’t feel you are good enough, then level up. Move up socially, go to counseling, do extracurricular activities, work out, learn to cook for yourself but do it out of the intrinsic want of building your self love. Also most women probably don’t even need to do that because a lot of women are enough as it is. They’re beautiful, healthy, and kind, and they just need to be pursued by the right man not scrubs trying to waste their time. I have high expectations of men and expect them to police themselves. My approval is something men seek and I use it for the good of women. I don’t police up women either because like I said they are usually already on it and if they aren’t it’s usually an exceptional case that I am not the best person to open my mouth about that but to give women grace and their space and time.

Due to my chaotic upbringing my personality is that I highly value stability and commitment. Even in my friendships I try to invest my energy in long-term relationships. In terms of a romantic relationship I think marriage is just the logical end result of that for me personally.