I don’t know if I’m capable of this with men anymore. I’m pretty guarded in general (tough childhood) and have a few ride-or-die women in my life that I can share anything with, but I can’t really remember the last time I felt emotionally intimate with a male partner. I’ve had longer relationships (some multi year), but aside from the first guy I dated in college, I really haven’t connected that way with a man. Usually, I find that they’re not great listeners (jump into solutioning), try to manage me (weird guru vibes), or I don’t really give them the chance in the first place.
Is there a way to vet for this? I know FDS does not recommend sharing trauma or being too vulnerable, but if I want emotional intimacy in a future partner, how does this happen?
I just wanna say that there’s nothing wrong with YOU for not wanting to be emotionally intimate with men.
Most men (I’d say 99%) are NOT emotionally safe. So your discomfort is spot-on and they’d be dangerous to be vulnerable with at all.
Part of FDS is realizing that we women are NOT the problem. Men are. They’re selfish, angry and aggressive, have no empathy and are socialized to be assholes. Why would anyone be emotionally open with people like that? Men don’t trust each other! Why should we?
Be confident in your value. Observe men at a distance. If one man somehow wins your lottery and behaves in a way that helps you feel safe, I guarantee you’ll be able to open up.
In the meantime, stay safe!