I wrote a bit on this here for some background: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/ask-fds-public/dealing-with-a-toxic-mother?origin=member_posts_page
But I really need support because everytime I am able to bring myself up and my confidence up, my narcissistic mother tears me down and I'm having mental breakdowns and panic attacks and suicidal ideation since I gave into pressure to be in contact with her again. Now I have a harder time escaping because I'm in college full time again and live somewhere car dependent.
I was financially comfortable in my old city that had reliable public transit but my parents pressured me to move away from my safe home and back to my old hometown for college. Life has been harder without a degree though and I've been doing well in school but I need this degree and am putting myself through debt to be able to get a career in tech.
It's so much harder to get away from my parents bc their abuse and manipulation and their mask have grown tenfold. My uncle advised me to have a calm conversation about setting boundaries with her so I simply told my mother, "Please don't compare me to my cousins and tell me they're prettier and smarter than me."
This was her reply tonight: "I don't remember such a thing! You're making things up again you drama queen. Actually, it's the truth. How can I be wrong when it's the truth??"
I told her it makes me feel small and worthless and pointed how she enjoys making me feel dumb and she proceeds to attack me saying I'm a crazy drama maker who's as bad as the toxic aunt everyone in my family hates.
She keeps accusing me of partying all day and doing drugs and has done so since I was 12 years old. I'm a homebody who doesn't even drink.
She and my father keeps making snide remarks about me being terrible in school and being bad at math despite me having good grades.
I'm having a breakdown and feeling so low after building myself and healing away from them for years. I can't believe I worked so hard to get away from them, give myself a better life in a new city only to give in to societial pressure and let them back into my life again only for them to try ruining me again.
I have no trusted safe community here. I have no friends left except a long distance friend and a couple internet friends. I have a couple uncles who treat me well but I only trust them to an extent bc they're in contact w my parents. I'm really feeling lost right now and kind of hopeless. I haven't felt this broken, miserable and sick to my stomach in years until I broke NC. My parents are doing everything they can to have a grip on me and I can't take it anymore.
The biggest financial hurdle is college and a car now and I'm having to take out student loans but I can barely afford a car. They are letting me borrow theirs but constantly hold it over my head. If anybody has tips on how to finance one i'd really appreciate it. I need to get the hell out for my own sanity and wellbeing. I don't want to let my mother steal not just my entire childhood but the rest of my life and my mental health too.
Breath.
This is just a temporary setback.
Now you know not to let your parents back in your life again. While you're near them, grey rock them. Don't "communicate". Don't listen to what they say. Focus on your escape plan.
It's just a matter of time. Don't focus on how shitty things are right now, or you're gonna get sucked in a loop and you'll get stuck. Distract yourself. Get into problem solving mode and drop the illusion that you can have an actual relationship with them. Your life is waiting on the other side of this, never doubt that.
In the United States, there are several common ways to finance a car:
1. Auto Loan: You can obtain an auto loan from a bank, credit union, or online lender. Your credit history, income, and the price of the car will affect the loan terms, such as the interest rate and loan duration. Shop around for the best rates and terms before making a decision.
2. Dealership Financing: Many car dealerships offer financing options directly to customers. They work with various lenders and can help you secure a loan. Keep in mind that dealerships may add a markup to the interest rate, so it's essential to negotiate and compare with other lenders.
3. Lease: Car leasing allows you to drive a vehicle for a specific period, typically two to three years, while making monthly payments. At the end of the lease, you have the option to buy the car or return it. Leasing can have lower monthly payments than financing a car, but you don't own the vehicle at the end of the lease.
4. Personal Loan: You can apply for a personal loan from a bank, credit union, or online lender to finance the car purchase. Personal loans may have higher interest rates compared to auto loans, but they offer more flexibility in how you use the funds.
5. 0% Financing: Some car manufacturers and dealerships may offer special financing deals with 0% interest rates for qualified buyers. These deals are time-limited and often require excellent credit scores.
6. Family and Friends: Borrowing money from family or friends can be an option, but it's essential to handle such arrangements carefully and professionally. Set clear terms, put the agreement in writing, and establish a repayment plan to avoid any misunderstandings or strained relationships.
Remember to consider factors like interest rates, loan term, down payment, and monthly payments when deciding on the financing method. Always read and understand the terms and conditions of the loan or lease agreement before committing. If you have any doubts, consult a financial advisor or someone experienced in car financing to guide you through the process.
Not much I can say to change your situation unfortunately, but I can relate to the feeling of being trapped and struggling. I want to send you strength and let you know you are not alone. The women on this forum, including myself, care about you and have been impacted by what you've shared. I'm sorry about what you are going through. Something that has helped me is to take baby steps with things and focus on the here-and-now. If I get to thinking about the future, I panic and get overwhelmed. This thread has a lot of great advice that I hope helps move you forward and through this difficult situation. One day, you will be free of your parents. I can tell how strong and determined you are. Don't give up hope that your life can improve.
First, I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're going through. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional and financial challenges. Remember that you don't have to face this alone. It might be helpful to seek support from a counselor or therapist who can help you cope with the emotional toll of your situation.
Regarding finances, it can be tough to manage college expenses and a car. Explore options like scholarships, grants, or part-time work opportunities on campus. Additionally, consider talking to your college's financial aid office for guidance.
Setting boundaries with your mother can be crucial for your mental health. While it may be challenging, remember that prioritizing your well-being is essential. If possible, try to build a support network of trusted friends or community resources to help you through this difficult time.
PS: I work in tech. Are you trying get into cybersecurity?