Specifically dating related. I imagine people will wonder "What did she do?" so I'll come out with it, it was PDA overkill at a dance party with someone I am dating. Not like straight up sexual acts but too much making out and grinding to where he....visibly responded to it and I had to shield him. Thankfully I did not know any patrons but some of the staff does know us. No alcohol involved, this was just me. It was not HV and I hold myself to a higher standard of self-control than that, to keep those things behind closed doors.
I embarrassed myself and would like to evaluate my self-discipline strategies. Whenever I see someone F'ed up on here, it seems like everyone encourages to give the self grace. But a militant part of me also wants to- not exactly "punish" myself out of some masochistic sense but- exact semi-harsh consequences to ensure I do not do that again. And no, I haven't fully figured out what that looks like for my situation, it is too fresh.
Does anyone ever feel that way and do you think it helps to incorporate into your self-response, or harms, and that self-compassion is the only way?
Self compassion is the only way.
Examine your thinking - women from the earliest age are taught what is a decent behaviour. While I admire your willingness to do better, ask yourself what really happened. You liked the dude you're dating, you had fun, you were caught in the moment, you were maybe horny. What on earth is wrong with affection, even in public, if you feel like it?
You started to police yourself into "shielding him". For what? He responded to the fire in you and it means he also liked you.
Maybe it's not the most HV behaviour but on the other hand - why not to have fun and enjoy it? Why not go out with the guy you like, dance, kiss and so on? Because society tells you so?
For me one of HV traits is doing what you want to do without need to have your behaviour validated by others. As long as you're not hurting anyone, you're good to go. Women for centuries were told we should behave decently, modestly, politely, kindly and whatever other bullshit they could invent to keep is in line. That's why today many of us will not respond to rude treatment, to policing our bodies, will not ask for decent salary during interview, will not leave the shitty job and shitty boyfriends. I say - we should go and get what we like, when we like. And if that dude was what you liked at that moment - good for you.
Stop feeling guilty. In 50 years you will have a nice memory (if this was good experience) and you will smile. When you're 80, PDA and dancing might be not available to you. We're told as women that enjoying for the sake of enjoying is wrong. We always are policed to behave in a way that someone says is HV. But there's nothing LV about what you did.