I'm dating the nicest guy I've ever met. We've been dating for 6 months, and last week we went on our first vacation, after that, he told me he want us to have dinner with his parents this weekend.
When we are together he always puts me first in consideration about what we are going to have for dinner, what movie to watch, or what music to play. Of course, we make decisions about it together (not just based on what I want, that would be boring). He always initiate s3x, prepares breakfast and cooks everything for me, pays for everything, and takes care of all the cleaning. Every time I try to do it myself, he refuses to let me.
He's always concerned about what I might need. He makes me feel so appreciated and loved, but I struggle to reciprocate in the same way.
I am a kind and sweet girl - he told me that -, and my primary love language is physical touch, so I'm constantly giving him hugs and kisses, which he loves. We are always holding hands.
However, I struggle with doing more acts of service or spending quality time together. He once expressed that he wanted ME to make plans beyond our usual routine, so I bought tickets to a horror theater event (even though I hate it) because he's a big fan of horror shows and we had a good time!
And there is a problem here... I have a few ideas for nice plans to do! But I have NO money to make it happen, and honestly, I have NO idea how to say to him, 'Hey, what if we go here but you pay for it?'
Also, I used to be a woman who sends cute texts or cute love letters, and who used to give sweet and thoughtful gifts. After my heart broke, I felt like I could never be the same... but I miss that! I miss dedicating cute songs to my boyfriend and printing photos of us with nice phrases to give him as gifts.Right now we almost don't use any words of affirmation just the basic "I love you" and "I miss you"
I want to be that girl again, is it too soon to start doing those things again just six months into the relationship? If that's not his primary love language, then does it make sense to start doing it?
yeah, hon. he is lucky to have you. don't do what i did: i almost spent $700 on a guy i dated for all of 9 months, and when we had an issue, he couldn't handle it and we ended things. he easily makes $65,000 MORE than i do per year. men deserve NONE OF OUR MONEY. take care of yourself financially, smile at him and touch his arm. that's literally more than sufficient.
that’s his way of flipping the script and telling you to spend money on him. He’s thinking, I have been doing a lot to impress this girl, how come she’s not putting her share into impressing me? once you start spending on him, it’s never gonna stop. The only time I’ve ever spent money on a guy was for birthdays and gifts for special occasions.
I’m sorry but why are you doing anything you “hate”? Why would you EVER pay for ANYTHING? Why is he fulfilling the feminine roles? That’s one reason he’s expecting you to start fulfilling masculine roles. HE should be making plans if it’s what HE wants to do and HE should be spending HIS money.
Love him in the way that makes YOU feel good. Love, it is ALL ABOUT YOU. Men bow down to the divine feminine, and you need to study it. Stop being so concerned with him. He is already receiving absolutely too much from you because you’re having sex with him. That is the highest gift you can give to a man. If you never want to get married, fine, but if you do, stop sleeping with him and thinking you have to do backflips to make him feel good.
He is a MAN and they really don’t require anything other than your beautiful feminine presence and smile. You know there’s women who sit back and do literally nothing and their man is head over heels for them? Think about Kings and Queens. Queens had power even when they contributed little to nothing other than their thoughts and femininity. If you like writing letters, or sending music, do it. Only when you actually feel like it. Stop feeling responsible for a grown man’s happiness. Stop feeling like you owe him something just because he’s decided to spoil you. That is his decision and you owe nothing. The best thing you can do is rest in your feminine and enjoy his provision. Love yourself first, then you’ll be the best woman for him.
Reminder: a person's love language is how they show love to other people. NOT how they want other people to show love to them. Almost everyone gets this wrong.
But more importantly, the whole concept of love languages is bogus, and we can stop talking about them now. Men do not fuss over decoding your personality using silly buzzwords and pseudoscience - you dont need to do it for them.
Pardon my strong language, but this guy sounds like a creep.
There, I said it.
Why is he a creep? Because he is pulling out all the stops for manipulating and guilt-tripping you into giving him what he wants. Already you're talking about "learning his love language" and spending money that you don't have on him. Has he even bothered to "learn" YOUR love language? I bet not.
This man is not a provider and only pretends to be sweet and considerate because he wants to be the woman/receiver in the relationship. His whole purpose in dating you is to manipulate you into being the masculine provider. And once he realizes you won't be his masculine provider, he'll turn sour and disappear.
Tell him it's not going to work out. And block and delete this fake provider creep.
I used to be a love letter and such kinda girl, but honestly knowing in my heart that my ex still has those letters, poems, and drawings and REREADS them at his pleasure skeeves me out. Those kind of heartfelt declarations and hours spent on crafting them are best left until you’re engaged to be married. I understand you love him and good men def deserve to get treated, but find better ways to show it that won’t haunt you if you break up. If you love gifts really lean into edible ones. Food is incredibly sweet and can also be sexy, like chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.
Personally, I have no issue planning dates and having the man pay for em. I just tell him: “here’s the plan, you need to pick me up by 6 and it costs $100.” Or whatever the details are. He asked you to plan, not to pay. I take a boyfriend out on his birthday and the rest of the time I go by my $1,000/$100 rule, for every grand he drops on me I drop $100 on him. Since most dates avg like $150-200 that’s like every 5-6 dates I treat him to something either he or the both of us will enjoy. Honestly, I’d lean into quality time if you don’t have much money. The dinner thing was really thoughtful and nice, but if he loves quality time then just spend time with him. It might not be yours, but don’t discount how nice it is to just have some alone time to give undivided attention to the person you adore. That costs nothing and he’ll appreciate it. I’m a romantic at heart and being able to hold my beau and stare deeply into their eyes is a nice slice of heaven. It’s intimate, it’s warm, it’s loving, and the both of you could talk about anything while cuddled up like that. Eye contact is sexy and incredIbly powerful.
dating for 6 months?? sorry but what does that even mean? i don’t waste my energy being cutesy to a man and sending cute texts. that’s teenager stuff. and many guys start out being perfect romeo, then women fall all in love and it’s game over. never get this emotionally attached if he’s just showing one side . he should be actively courting you, and spending money, bringing you along to something he'd already be doing is lazy
You guys are so cute 😍. Commenters here are overreacting. I think it's alright he wants you to do acts of service!! He loves u so He doesn't care if he has to pay--its the idea that you set up everything for him that will make him truly happy.