.png)
Hey ladies, I feel like I know the answer to this one but I’m finding it interesting that I keep coming across people who interact the exact same way about 4 times in a row now.
I noticed that when I say I want to do an activity, the man basically tells me he is competitive, something on the lines of either the loser buys a drink or what reward does he get if he wins? My instinct is that it feels entitled/disrespectful, again like their reward for taking me on a date should be a kiss. Others may see this as neurotypical banter. Do all of you also consider this red flag behaviour because I’ve cut them all off.
Trust your gut. Competitive banter is best reserved for people you have built a rapport with.
Also "what do I get if I win" is definitely ick. I agree with you that it contains entitlement. The true answer is he gets the enjoyment of being skilled at something. You're not a fucking football trophy
It’s a red flag for me. I’m very good at a couple of things so it suggests they won’t handle it well when I beat them (which I inevitably will). It’s also just icky in general. The first time I tried kayaking was on a date. He paid then took me out for lunch to celebrate my new adventure. He just wanted me to have a good time. Sure, we had a bit of a race at one point but it was kept to fun.
Yeah, it rubs me the wrong way too. I see it as a red flag in someone I’m looking to building a partnership with. You’re on the same team. People obsessed with winning are … tough to communicate and compromise with. Well into a relationship there might rarely be a fun competitive game that natural evolves out of an activity. Key points being that a committed relationship has already been established and the competition happened naturally - and is rare! I can only think of like 1 or 2 examples of this. It’s not a frequent thing.
I've had guys do that to attempt banter, so you've gotta look for other signs.
Next time someone replies that you could say, "Oh, so I can expect a tantrum when you lose" in a flat voice to see his reaction
It is both. Lol. Being entitled and disrespectful IS neurotypical for men. Their brains are wired that way. The competitiveness is for them to feel out how submissive you are and what you’re willing to do for them. I’ve always been firm on the fact that I don’t own them anything by going on dates with them. Usually when scrotes find out that they can’t get much out of me and I’m difficult to manipulate and control, they quickly lose interest. By being a HVW you automatically repel LVM😊
Maybe don’t do anything competitive until you are comfortable enough with man enough to handle the dynamic??
To me it sounds like neurotypical banter. Playful teasing/challenging. I would check overall patterns of behavior. Are they acting entitled in other ways? If you show them you don't like a behavior, do they adjust?
Just say “you win my undying respect” sarcastically