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Went on a date with someone that overall went well (he planned, came to my city, good conversation, paid, walked me to my car and asked for my number), but he had a strange story that came up when we were talking about open communication and honesty.
He said he didn’t think some white lies were great in relationships, so I asked him for an example. He told me about someone who told him she had no STIs on a second date (a story came up about his relative having herpes) and then “a few dates later”, he learned that she did have herpes because she was having an outbreak (I think presumably because they were having sex?). She tried to tell him this was a white lie, but he was not happy with that.
Is it weird that he has slept with someone or become sexually involved with someone after ~5 dates? Also, does this mean he has herpes? I’ve never had an STI, so this seems very strange to me.
On a related note, do you all ask partners to test for STIs before you sleep with them? I have not done this before, but now I’m wondering if I should.
It's not a random story. He wanted to gauge your response in a way that he could say "just joking" if you reacted poorly. I would be willing to bet you, that he is telling you that he has herpes, without having to tell you he has herpes. Bringing in the relative that has it, tries to normalize herpes and make it seem more common.
One of the FDS quotes from the podcast is if you have to google a man's behavior, then you already lost
What a weird, impolite topic to bring up on a walk back to a date’s car on a first date.
Yes, a conversation about STDs needs to be had at some point, but not on a first date.
I’m going to say it’s a red flag.
It shows where his mind is at and how he thinks of you. It demonstrates he is sex-obsessed and promiscuous.
Stay away from community dick.
Edit:
I have never asked potential sexual partners to show me STI results, as they can be faked easily, and men lie. I'm not sure how we should actually vet for (lack of) STIs in men and would love to hear suggestions.
"Is it weird that he has slept with someone or become sexually involved with someone after ~5 dates?"- Depends on what you mean by "weird". The average guy would be more than happy to get in your pants in 5 minutes if you let them!
"Also, does this mean he has herpes?"- Um, yes. The story he told you about the woman is obviously fake. He's trying to find out whether someone having an STI is a dealbreaker for you without revealing to you that he has one because he clearly doesn't want to run off potential sex.
"do you all ask partners to test for STIs before you sleep with them?"- In my case, when we got to the sex-is-on-the-table stage, we'd make the next date a visit to a clinic together. Of course, results don't come in right away (except for HIV result). Also, depending on when a person has sexual contact with the infected partner, it may take weeks or months for them to have a positive test result, so negative test results doesn't mean the person doesn't have an STI. I've heard of men providing fake test results, so there's that, too. But still, I prefer for us to be tested . . . at the same facility . . . at the same day/general time . . . and then share results when we receive them.
That story of the woman who lied about having herpes - that didnt happen. Its not believable at all that a woman would try to pass off lying about herpes as a "white lie". It's also not believable that he would consider that to be an example of a white lie. Idk if you guys are native English speakers, but that's not what "white lie" means.
I dont know why this man made up a crazy story about unknowingly having sex with a woman who had herpes, and told you this fictional tale on a first date. But I suspect its because he has an STD. Also, hes clearly a manwhore.
He brings up relationship talk and rules on a very first date, if I understood correctly. To me, that would seem off in several ways and I think a first meet-up should be to get to know each other and to feel for a possible connection in a light hearted and open manner.
Then he talks badly about a woman he had been with. Seems like he wants to signal something to you (to get you to act/not act a certain way, to position himself in a better light, to allude to his apparent standards?) or is still bitter about her, or simply has no problem badmouthing her, or has a victim mentality. I can’t think of a single good reason to talk about an ex on a first date, let alone in a negative way. Just has no class to me.
Personally, I would feel weird about him. He talks too serious too soon and then complains about a woman he probably continued to sleep with anyway. Maybe he’ll talk about you the same way to the next one who he rushes into a second date.
it's not weird, but it is definitely a huge red flag. run for your life. he has herpes and wanted to know your opinion about the 'white lie'. if you say it's a white lie, it means you can forgive him for white-lying to you about his herpes. if you say that woman did a bad thing, it means you don't approve of "white lies" nor STDs in a partner. he was testing you. he's a whore who's trying to deceive you with a good first date.
and about asking partners for STIs tests, i've tried that and the answer i got was "but we just need to wear condoms and that's fine". i hate men and their lies and promiscuity. this is the sort of thing that makes me happy i'm out of the dating pool completely. the amount of energy i'd have to spend demanding this type of thing, going to the clinic, getting tested too... ugh! no, thank you!