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As a group, I don't feel for men. And tbh I think most of their pain is pretty fucking funny because it's either their own fault or it's caused by other men (looking at you "male loneliness ePeDeMic") but they always want to point the finger at women and blame things like feminism for their own shortcomings.
But on an individual level, I always have this shitty guilt that I can't seem to get rid of. I've always had a fawn trauma response. So I've always felt guilty for setting boundaries and I have this unbridle fear of hurting other people.
I need this trait to completely die, because it's my empathy and guilt that kept me stuck in situations with manipulative and mentally abusive men. I want to get to a point where I can discard a man on the spot the very moment he says or does something disrespectful.
What do you think it will take to get there?
Empathy can lead to disgust if you really think about it.
Think of all the things men have done to the defenseless without remorse. To animals, to children, to trafficked women ect.
Use your empathy towards the innocent and defenseless by feeling a sense of disgust towards their abusers.
Think of all the disgusting things scrotes are sexually into. Think of all their gross habits. Think of all their disgusting sneaky behaviors. Think of how disgusting they turn their environment. Feel disgusted at the thought of them ruining your life/health.
Think about their bad hygiene and body odors. Think about how violent they are.
I wouldn't recommend anger because it will get you into trouble or can be used against you as well.
You need to know how to channel your empathy into disgust. Disgust is one of the biggest motivator's.
If a man tries to manipulate you into something and you feel disgust instead of anger/empathy you're far more likely to just block, delete or report a scrote than try to negotiate or argue with him.
According to human nature someone is far more to likely to try and reason with, emphasize with or try to "fix" a villain than some cockroach chilling in their house. Why would you want to check up on or help something that disgusts you? Would you hesitate to take an anti-parasitic medication to save a tapeworm thats living in your intestines? Why try to save a pest? Why would you pity a parasite?
Like no. You'd want to get rid of it immediately.
Hope this helps.
what works for me is to focus on my self preservation. i remember their true intentions and how tey may harm me. they are basic. their motivation is sex. i hate sex. why? because of all the horrible experiences men have put me through. and just like that, i don't care about them.
i know it's not something that works for all women. women who enjoy sex with men, especially. and even though i had those traumatic expriences, i still had hope and blamed myself for my bad choices. it took me a while to understand men are the problem.
it's work. it's a process. but it's liberating. so in a few words: self respect is the key.
Just think about how easy it is for you to generally treat people well. You're probably not some 0.01% end-of-the-bell-curve respect savant, and somehow you manage to generally be civil/respectful and make friends and see people as people.
It's really just unimpressive how men can't - and realizing that is what has turned my empathy to apathy.
All the things they could do to not be lonely are things women (who are apparently stupider and weaker) have been doing forever. So now that it's being asked of them just a little, why can't they adapt? Just, yeah, unimpressive.
I don't see empathy as a weakness. I see it as a strength. I feel sad for the soulless meat sacks who don't have it. I think we can have empathy and also have boundaries.
The way I developed boundaries was to go cold turkey for a while. When I was in pickme mode I was like an addict in need of my next fix. I needed a man to make me feel worthy and loved. By taking a break from the dating scene altogether I was able to work on building myself. I grew so much spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc. that I learned to love myself. Now I am much more picky because I know how good life can be without a man. If he can't add to my happiness he's not fit for my company.
Maybe you need a reset? A good amount of time to yourself?
Most men would 100% enslave women in a system where we're on our knees forced to blow them all day. There's actually LESS there to empathize with, because they are, themselves, missing empathy. It's the reason for industrial farms, taking away children of hispanic parents to raise them as Christians, etc.
They're missing something that they trade for power.
As a lifelong people pleaser and a magnet for narcissists, the only thing that works is setting two very clear boundaries.
1. Are they actually seeking help in addition to my emotional labor? Ie are they in therapy, a support group, maintaining their own connections with their own friends and families? This shows me they are actively working on themselves.
2. For all my efforts, what are am I getting back? Are they taking an interest in my life, helping me with something in return, generally being a good friend?
If no to both, I wish them all the best and move on.
None of this is easy and it takes practice, practice, practice but it allows you to see who the genuine people are and who to expend time and energy on.
You're not a charity, sis
Just think of all the casually misogynist things he's said in the past and it'll go away