I was 20 years old. I had undiagnosed bpd and diagnosed asd. I impulsively go on tinder. I swipe a ton of dudes. This one man goes out with me being I'm a virgin.
I go out. This is my first ever date.
He peer pressures me to smoke weed. I feel dizzy. He persuades me into his shitty car. He forces me to go out with dinner with him. He pays for it. He insists that I owe him sex for dinner.
He forces me into a hotel all on the same night. I'm too afraid to say no. He gets on top of me. His disgusting tongue goes on me. I'm not even turned on but I force myself to 'enjoy it', but I'm dry. I thought he was cute initially, but I'm not attracted anymore because he's a foreign manlet.
He forces his dick in me even though I'm in pain. He doesn't seem to care. He keeps doing this.
He then orders hotel pizza and says "I'm religious, and can't have bacon."
He rapes me the morning after and forces me to cuddle with him.
He peer-pressures me to buy him a 40$ breakfast out of my own money. We 'hug'. I leave.
I get a text from him a week later: "How does your pussy feel?"
I ghost him.
He already stole my virginity, so it doesn't matter.
Five years later, I'm still bearing with the traumatic events. I still convulse and gag remembering his slimy, musty body.
Stupid of me, I know. I was dumb.
And anyone who I tell this to, they insist it was peer-pressure or it was my fault.
Even my parent who constantly brought up my rape to degrade me and making me relive the traumatic events since I still lived under their roof. (That's another story for later.)
Be honest, gals (and I get this off my chest because I don't want to traumatize my normal friends) was I raped? Did he use my obvious disability to force me to give him my virginity? You be the judge.