When does "just joking" become blatant disrespect?

I told a dude I was romantically interested in that I got stung by a hornet and when I explained the pain he said I’m a wuss and then said he’s joking. When a dude undermines your pain by calling you a wuss then he lacks empathy. He’ll be calling you a wuss when you are pushing out his baby, and call you lazy on post partum depression. I’m also tired of dudes who hide disrespect by calling it a joke. a joke is fun for both parties.

When it feels like disrespect. Don't question yourself or make excuses for their bad behavior. If it doesn't feel good, leave.

1. “Truth in humor”. 2. Men don’t realize that humor is a shared experience. If you dont think it’s funny, it isnt funny. He can go and be with someone who thinks his “just joking” is funny.

3. There are many types of humor. Self- deprecation can be reserved for ppl you trust.

People have made fun of me a lot back in school and maybe even some of the guys I've dated (can't really remember but I'm sure they have)...

Here's what you do if it happens: you dump him immediately.

It's the first sign of disrespect of a scrote who doesn't really like/love you.

Block and delete.

Same goes for "friends", no real friend would disrespect you by making jokes about you.

I don't take myself seriously around men, but I would never make fun of my looks, and I would not put up with a man who does. In the past I dated a guy who made fun of my nose. I realize now that after I told him that hurt my feelings, and he continued to make jokes about it, that it became abuse. But looking back I don't think he even deserved for me to tell him that. I should have been out right at the first comment, because it came out of nowhere and was extremely rude.

I remember watching a show about comedy, and they talked about what's okay to make fun of and what's not. As a general rule, if it's something that can be changed right away (clothing, shoes) then it's okay. Making fun of someone's body or facial features is just trashy and is the mark of bad comedian (and person).

In my opinion, it's only a joke if he didn't actually mean it. Otherwise he's just being rude and laughing about it. There's a theory called the "benign violation theory" of humor. Basically, it means people find something funny when it harmlessly violates social norms. If a guy thinks racism and misogyny are harmless, he's a scrote.

A basic original principle of FDS that is rarely restated nowadays is that the man MUST be the one who's more invested in the relationship of the two. He has to know you will ALWAYS have a foot out of the door, that you'll never forgive the slightest disrespect. Let him be scared of losing you. Let him walk on eggshells, while YOU stay relaxed and tranquil in the fully internalized knowledge that you'll be fine and thriving either way and he's competing with your already fullfilling solitude.

Which is to say, while I would judge his jokes and teasing on a case by case base, I WOULD raise my antennae for other signs of complacency. Why would he even RISK making me feel disrespected?

They all try to joke with me until I start. I dunno why they all end up crying then though?

I am from a competitive culture. I take jokes jokingly and then I make the jokes which usually are aimed to sting your soul. My parents and grandparents taught me to never take any sh*t from jokers and their circus.

A guy who was obviously crushing hard was calling me out for my looks and then so distressed how I am also one of the smartest in the class. He made jokes alright, until I made some accurate observation on him. Never had the audacity to question me again.

I recommend this to all women.

They fear your laughter, give them a reason to.

It needs to be funny. It needs to make us laugh. And my sense of humour isn’t up for debate.

The rule is that I'm allowed to laugh about myself and make self-deprecating comments, but if my partner takes that as an opportunity to pile it on and make fun of me, he's bad news. I never said YOU could make fun of me and as my partner you shouldn't want to! Joking is fine and all but I think "affectionate insults" are just veiled real insults. Your partner or your friends shouldn't draw attention to things you're already insecure about.

"Must I always take myself super seriously around a man?"

Nah. Seriouness is not the opposite of being silly and joking around imo. The opposite of having having humour is being humourless. I think you are conflating seriousness and sincerity.

You can joke with your friends and lovers as long as you both understand the sincerity of your comments. I think the problem you have is that you did understand your bf's sincerity, it's not flattering, and he knows he shouldn't be racist or mean to his gf so he'll say you misunderstood. (Because you said most of the time).

Being self-detrimental to yourself is a big no-no since you don't want to put anything in your head that makes you feel like less. This doesn't mean you have to convince yourself you are flawless because no one is perfect, (and because fuck the superwoman stereotype that is the modern version of the '50s housewife). Take your flaws and your strengths with sincerity but not seriousness

Woman's appearance is highly scrutinized in society, we face so much pressure to look a certain way, hence a lot of women have many insecurities about their looks. An intelligent man with good intentions would not joke about lady's appearance. Why would he risk hurting her? This is bad manners at best, deliberate and ill intentioned at worst.

“Just kidding” is often a bully’s cloak for a passive aggressive dig that is not a joke. If it makes you feel really crappy then it wasn’t a joke, it was meant to neg you. If you call them on their BS, then they can label you as ‘too sensitive’. 🚩

If he jokes about your nose, joke about his penis size, see how funny he finds it.

Does being around a man mean that you relinquish your self-respect? If you don't take yourself seriously, he sure won't. There is a huge difference between gentle teasing and hostility masked as humor. One doesn't result in hurt feelings that must be swallowed to maintain peace, and one does. I'll leave it to you to determine which is which.

I guess racism and negging can feel like affection to some, but I can't imagine finding it acceptable.

I think it depends on the person. I tend to tease people the same way but I can also pick up pretty quickly if that's not someone's style of humor/bonding (and no that doesn't require them outright telling me - a lot has to do with whether they tease me back). Anyone who tries to force it on you is doing it maliciously.