Decided to use Bumble BFF to try and meet new female friends. However, a woman I don't know who matched with me has really upset me. She sent me a message saying that I sounded like a positive person and she needs a friend to hype her up (as I put in my profile that I'd like a friendship where we can be each others cheerleaders in life). She sent me her number and I sent her a message saying who I was, hi and how are you?
The reply I get back is:
'Hello, yeah im good thanks. I was reading ur profile and u sound like uve been through some stuff. Im looking 4 the same as u, friends that want u to do well in life x'
Now I only put I was divorced, a single mum and I'm working on my career! Nothing negative about my life. My pics are decent and have me smiling so nothing to suggest I have been through the ringer (I don't think).
BUT SERIOUSLY!!! I found this sooo rude to assume when she's never spoke to or even met me! Yes it might be true I've been through a lot but still it's made me feel that other people may assume this about me also! Also I noticed it seems to be all about her needs already. Me to hype her up, not asking how I am and trying to put me down!
Call me sensitive or maybe she's lack social skills but I would never say something like that!
Anyhoo...I've blocked her now without explanation 👋
she sounds like she wants someone who’s “been through it” so she can easily use you to trauma dump. you don’t want to be friends with that type of person anyway because every time you hangout, the conversation is always about them and the latest drama or trauma they’re going through. good on you for catching the red flag and setting your boundaries straight.
I don't think it's good to meet anyone online, even other women. You have to keep in mind 99% of those on apps even for friends are predators. The ones on Bumble BFF are female narcissists and borderlines looking to prey on unsuspected women. Yes, women use and abuse other women in friendship too, but it won't be as bad as an abusive relationship with a man in that context.
Thanks everyone for your input I really appreciate you! I’ve actually deleted the app too! Finding friends on bumble is just as bad as trying to find a decent guy on the apps lol! Think I’ll just let friendship happen organically in future!
i think she read "divorced" and "single mom" and automatically assumed those were bad things to go through. gives me pick me vibes... i think i would have tested the waters with her a bit more before jumping to conclusions, but i'd probably end up doing the same as you.
you felt there was something wrong and followed your gut. that's the right thing to do.
It sounds to me like she was one of these "good vibes only" kind of people i.e. she was looking for someone who was always positive, 100% of the time and had absolutely no wants or needs of her own. You probably dodged a bullet! Having said that, her behaviour was rude and yes, she is making a lot of assumptions about you, based on very little.
Please don't pay any mind to her, she sounds very low value. She really does sound like she's looking for friends who haven't "been through" anything or experienced any hardships so she can use them as an endless source of validation. I think your speculations that she it's all about her needs are spot on as she also came across as really selfish to me as well. It's as if she wants a cheerleader who can support her through her life, but she doesn't want to have to do the same back for her friends so that's why she's looking for "positive vibes only" type friends who haven't been through anything... Which to me sounds like she needs a therapist because that's only something a good therapist can provide (listening to your problems and providing you support without asking for any in return).
Really, as someone who has also been through "a lot," I personally would think that making friends who have also gone through similar experiences as me but haven't let that hold them back from leveling up in life (and aren't going to trauma dump or bond either) would be far more relatable and compassionate than someone who hasn't had the same experiences and thus can't relate at all... If anything, those who have been through similar experiences make far better supportive friends than those who haven't solely because of those shared experiences making empathy a lot easier (not to say that those who don't have the same experiences can't be empathetic, rather it's just seems easier to be empathetic when the experiences are shared). And to be honest with you, i don't think you nor myself have "been through a lot," rather, we've been through bad experiences that are completely normal for a world that fosters a lot of virtue signaling and deception. So you shouldn't worry about coming across like that at all because good people who you want to be around won't see you that way. Anyone who sees you as having "gone through a lot" sounds like someone who doesn't believe that people can go through bad experiences and still level up in spite of them, which is reflective of the type of person they are - someone who doesn't believe in level-ups.
Edit: I might have misunderstood a bit now that I'm looking at the replies... I was thinking she was looking for friends who had no problems of their own so she could trauma dump on them without having to provide any emotional support back, but all the other replies saying that she looks like she wants someone who has been through a lot of trauma so she can trauma dump and trauma bond also sounds correct. Regardless of which way it is, we all agree that she sounds selfish lol.
I feel like with all the bad spelling, it's possible she might be some kind of catfish. Also yeah it is kind of fucking rude to say someone you barely know has "been through it". I'd be annoyed too.
Bumble bff gives me creep vibes