And any who have read "Never Split the Difference," a book on winning at negotiations.
This post is inspired by me venturing back into OLD. One guy in particular who began messaging me was sending messages that had too-perfect English grammar and punctuation. And he used the word "fascinating" more than I see the average dude use it. For context, I'm a clinical psychologist and often when I begin to hone in on how someone's messages are too perfect, I begun to suspect narcissism or deep insecurity and over-compensation. Well, lo and behold, he sent a message and then claimed he sent it by mistake and that it was meant for a project he was working on.
Well, it just so happens that the accidental message contained some phrasing that I recognized as something that ChatGPT generates because I like to use it pretty often to help me organize ideas and presentations. But it showed that it was helping him ask more thoughtful questions and show more interest. All the while that we had been chatting, it felt like I was talking to an English dictionary even when he had asked ChatGPT to use a more casual tone, so it felt phony. NOW it made sense. I went back to look at his photos and his main one was a headshot that I then realized was generated by AI. He actually looked handsome in that one, but in all his other photos, he looked like a potato (don't make me explain, if you know, you know).
Anyway, one of my greatest vices is not calling out red flags and instead seeing how deep a hole a guy will dig while I play dumb and stay really vague about my profession because tbh, it can be kinda entertaining. The guy came with other red flags as we kept texting, like playing games, trying to seem hard to get by being so "busy" that he had to cancel plans to talk on the phone an hour before the time we had agreed to chat, but then he'd magically be free 3 minutes beforehand. Apparently he's as busy as a world leader.
There was once another LVM I dated who similarly would pull away and pretend to be busy in order to try to get me to chase and he had told me in passing that he had read "Never Split the Difference." Ladies, if a guy has ever read that book and has also ever said to you, "How am I supposed to do that? How do you expect me to do that?" in response to a request or complaint that you have, please take it as a sign of manipulation. I've listened to that book cover-to-cover and it's about strategies to be able to maintain power/control over a situation. I believe the author writes from his experience in hostage negotiations, but no healthy relationship can ever be built on the back of those strategies. If a man feels the need to use them, he's insecure and wants everything on his own terms. If you feel the need to use them, question what's going on with the guy you're with that you don't feel you have enough power in the relationship.
100%. I briefly befriended a guy when I was much younger (before I knew better), and found one of these icky books in his sparse bookshelf. The title was enough of a warning sign, but when I looked into the book in my own time later, it was just as gross as you would expect - much worse actually. I distanced myself from him immediately, and at a future time, I tried to (privately) warn a mutual friend, but she ended up demonising me and casting me aside, and allying with him.
The people who write these books are certified sickos (imo). There's one that is LAUDED by the media etc and it makes me want to vomit.
I reccomend reading this book yourself and apply when needed.
One of the things I use, especially when talking to men, is "I am coming to you before I offer my services to someone else" and "do you want to fail??". They all fall into to that trap. But mind that this is only in professional environment.
Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts on the book.
Can you provide an example of one of the too-perfect texts he sent (without violating anyone's privacy, of course)? Too-perfect texts are not something I've encountered in the wild (yet).